BX 8495 
.S4H3 



MEMOIRS 



or 

MRS. ANGELIM B. SEARS, 



WITH EXTRACTS 



FROM HER CORRESPONDENCE. 



MRS. MELINDA HAMLIKE. 



"The name of Jesus is worth a universe." — Page 250. 



(Eiurinnati: 

PUBLISHED BY SWORMSTEDT AND POWER, 

FOR THE METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH, AT THE WESTERN BOOK 
CONCERN, CORNER OF MAIN AND EIGHTH-STREETS. 



R. P. Thompson, Printer. 
1850. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by 
L. SWORMSTEDT & J. H. POWER, 
in the Clerk's Office of the District of the United States for the 
District of Ohio. 



PREFACE. 

In preparing the following Memoir, the writer 
does not forget that the world is filled with 
books — that copious supplies of thought and 
sentiment, of fact and fiction, are flowing from 
the press. Nor is it overlooked, that satiety 
may render even useful books insipid, so that 
the full soul shall turn away from them to its 
own musings, and seek to draw from nature 
the lessons which it can no longer endure to 
take second-hand from the copyist. Yet the 
press will continue to be employed, and novel- 
ists will do their part to keep it busy. And 
shall no more sober books be written? Is 
there no hope that truth may yet supplant 
error, and living realities, rather than wild, and 
even profane fictions, come to be used for edi- 
fication and entertainment? Shall mere tales 
continue to engross the public taste, and be 
studied as the means of instruction in virtue, 
and even in religion? Must admirable char- 
acters and examples of piety come before us 

3 



i 



PREFACE. 



the mere creations of fancy; and Truth stand 
aside, that Fable may teach wisdom and train 
mankind to goodness ? 

The object of this little volume is truthfully 
to exhibit character under the control of divine 
grace, to hold up before the Christian public, 
in unexaggerated light, a sinner saved "to the 
uttermost, " and, as far as may be, to trace the 
process by which she was brought to that 
maturity of the Christian life which secured 
so glorious a victory in death; for the object 
of Christian biography should be, not to pal- 
liate the faults of human nature, but to exem- 
plify that grace of God which, received by 
faith, subdues and reigns gloriously over them — 
to illustrate how omnipotent grace can 

" Into a saint exalt a worm — 
A worm exalt to God." 

We shall strive to keep this in view, while 
we attempt to sketch the character of her, 
who, could she speak from heaven, would say, 
"Be sure not to exalt me, but the grace of 
God. Show the world that I am 'a sinner 
saved by grace' " 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

Early life — Characteristics — Diary — Sketch from memory— Ac- 
knowledgment of Divine goodness — Special providences— Broth- 
er drowned — Parents converted — Her mother Page 9 



CHAPTER II. 

First convictions — Presbyterian camp meeting — Labors of a 
friend — Goes to the anxious seat — Methodist camp meeting — 
Convictions deepened— Joins the Church as a seeker — Temp- 
tations at school — Vacillations — Cholera— Domestic responsibili- 
ties 16 

CHAPTER III. 

Her father's second marriage — Her step-mother — Letter — Goes 
to Philadelphia — Letter from her father— Her school — Death of 
her sister — Return home — World ensnares her — Church member- 
ship — Its salutary influence — Conversation on Church member- 
ship 24 

CHAPTER IV. 
New acquaintances — Deeper convictions — Visit to a friend — 
Hester Ann Rogers — Conversion — Change in deportment — Her 
mother's letter — Choice of friends — Benevolence — Reading — 
Conflicts — Perseverance in duty — An invalid 37 

CHAPTER V. 

Letters— To Mrs. Rev. C. Brooks— To her sister Eliza— Re- 
marks 47 

CHAPTER VI 

Proposal of marriage — Prayerfully considered — Decision- 
Qualifications sought — Conflicts — Remarks — Simple faith 59 

5 



6 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER VII. 

Her marriage — Journey— Unexpected plan of life— Letter to her 

parents — Mount Holyoke — Letters — To her sisters, C and 

E To her sister E To her mother Page 66 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Commencement of itinerancy — Fidelity — Attachment to the 
work — Residence at Vienna— Revival — Visit to Cincinnati — 
Letters to her husband — Sabbath traveling — Residence at Pen 
Yan — Letters to her mother — To her sister — To Mrs. Rev. C. 
Brooks — Transfer to Ohio conference... 84 



CHAPTER IX. 

Removal to Portsmouth, O. — Self-consecration — Visit — Let- 
ters—To Mrs. H To her mother— The sick— Dying triumphs — 

Nelson on infidelity— Letters to Mrs. H .104 

CHAPTER X. 

Appointment to Richmondale — Trials of moving — Prevailing 
sickness— Self-accusation— Sanctified affliction— Letters— To Mrs. 
H— To her mother— To her father— To Mrs. H Mrs. Tay- 
lor 123 

CHAPTER XI. 

New Richmond circuit — Illness and danger — Partial recovery — 
Revival — Hastens to the scene — Exposure and consequent ill- 
ness — Detained by the flood — Returns to her father's alarming- 
ly ill — Recapitulation — Peace in believing — Entire sanctifica- 
tion 147 

CHAPTER XII. 

Diary — Recognition of mercies — Letter to Mrs. L Diary — 

Visit of friends — Letters to her husband — Temptations — Feeble- 
ness • •* 161 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Change in experience — Diary — Attends church — Increased fee- 
bleness — Departure of friends — Diary — Temptations — Letters — 
To Mrs. H.— To her husband— To Mrs. Rev. C. B 177 



CONTENTS. 



1 



CHAPTER XIV. 

Visit to Oxford— Letter to Mrs. H.— Increase of faith— Jour- 
ney — Steady decline — Return — Letter to Mrs. H. — Goes to 
Brownsville, Pa. — Letters — To her husband — To her father — To 
Mrs. H. — Hope of recovery abandoned — A vietory — Returns 
home Page 201 

CHAPTER XV. 

First interview — Remarkable change — Sacrament of the Lord's 
supper — Disposition of her wardrobe — Conversations — Entire 
resignation — Life of faith — A baptism — Temptation — Deliver- 
ance — Arrival of a friend — Answer to prayer — Continual tri- 
umph — Conversion of a brother-in-law and sister — Sacramental 
scene — Departure of friends — Conversion of a second sister — 
Simplicity of faith — Last sister converted — The close 224 



CHAPTER XVI. 

- Qualifications as a minister's wife— Self-sacrifiee — Love of 
itinerancy — Regard for those engaged in it— Adaptation to it — 
Prudence — Discernment of character — Example — Maternal fidel- 
ity — Domestic virtues. 264 



M E M 01 RS 

OF 

MBS. AN GEL IN E B. SEARS. 

CHAPTER I. 

Early life — Characteristics — Diary— Sketch from memory — Ac- 
knowledgment of Divine goodness — Special providences — Broth- 
er drowned — Parents converted — Her mother. 

Mrs. Angeline B. Sears, wife of Rev. C. 
W. Sears, of the Ohio conference, and daugh- 
ter of Moses Brooks, Esq., of Cincinnati, 0., 
was born September 20, 1817. Her early 
childhood was characterized by uncommon vi- 
vacity and quickness of perception, and by an 
unvarying love of truth. Her father testifies, 
that he "never knew her to equivocate, or 
give the least false coloring, to excuse herself 
or criminate others;" and that, " whenever her 
young associates differed respecting any fact 
with which she was acquainted, an appeal to 
her would always elicit the exact truth." 

This portion of her life was marked by 
several peculiar interpositions of Providence; 

9 



10 



MEMOIRS OF 



a few of which she refers to in her diary. 
It is, however, much to be regretted that she 
has not preserved a more minute account of 
her early history. It appears that she several 
times began to record the dealings of her 
heavenly Father, and, for a short period, kept 
a diary ; but her humble views of herself pre- 
vented her continuing it, and, in a season of 
mental depression, she destroyed most of what 
she had written. 

A little less than one year before her death, 
at the earnest solicitation of her husband, she 
wrote a brief sketch from memory, in a blank 
book, which he had procured for that purpose. 

On the first leaf of this book we find the 
following entry : 

"Angeline B. Sears. 

"From my dear husband, with the request 
that I use its pages to record the work of the 
Lord in my poor heart. February 4, 1848." 

On the second leaf is found the following 
text: "Many, O Lord my God, are thy won- 
derful works which thou hast done, and thy 
thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot 
be reckoned up in order unto thee : if I would 
declare and speak of them, they are more than 
can be numbered" Psalm xl, 5. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



II 



The diary is preceded by an invocation, and 
a general acknowledgment of the divine mercy 
and care, expressed in language which all who 
intimately knew her will recognize as in unison 
with her governing train of thought: "Holy 
Spirit, bring to my remembrance thy gracious 
dealings with my unworthy soul from my in- 
fancy, and help me faithfully to record them 
here, to the praise of thy unmerited grace ! 

"From infant days I have been the child 
of providence— I may say of a peculiar provi- 
dence — and from my eighth year a child of 
many prayers : in view of which, at the outset 
of my record, I thankfully adopt the beautiful 
lines of the venerable Charles Wesley : 

' God of my life, whose gracious power, 

Through various deaths my soul hath led, 
Or turn'd aside the fatal hour, 
Or lifted up my sinking head ! 

In all my ways thy hand I own, 

Thy ruling providence I see: 
Assist me still my course to run, 

And still direct my paths to thee/ 

"I would bring to remembrance, that my 
heavenly Father guards, with peculiar care 
and love, the smallest of his creatures, as 
seen by the exercise of his paternal guardian- 
ship over me in childhood, in delivering my 



n 



MEMOIRS OF 



life, in imminent peril. When but a few months 
old, my nurse let me fall into a cellar, where 
much rubbish and a great number of corks 
were lying. My head was so bruised with a 
cork, that an impress was left in it as deep, or 
nearly so, as half its diameter. Medical aid 
was resorted to, which, by the blessing of 
Providence, saved me from great suffering and 
death. 

"When about five or six years old, I was 
one evening led by older companions to the 
river, on the bank of which my parents lived. 
We went out on a raft, at the water's edge, on 
which I found a tin cup. In trying to dip some 
water with it out of the stream, I fell in, and 
should have been drowned, but for my heav- 
enly Father's care, who ordered that in throw- 
ing up my hands, when sinking and screaming 
for help, they struck a log, by which I was 
enabled to hold fast, until my playmates came 
to my assistance. 

"Some years after, I was one day exercising 
on horseback, through a short lane, at the end 
of which stood a small stable, having a very 
low loft, not much higher than the horse's 
back. I was unused to equestrian exercises, 
and exceedingly unskillful in guiding my horse. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



13 



When passing by the open door, he turned, 
and, in spite of my efforts to prevent, was 
about walking under the loft to a trough, 
which would have crushed me to death be- 
tween his back and the timbers above. A 
friend was near, who had been looking at me, 
but whose back was at the moment turned. 
As I screamed in affright, he ran to my aid, 
and succeeded in seizing the bridle of my 
horse, just in time to deliver me from my 
danger. 

" In later years, when convicted by the Holy 
Spirit, while the burden of sin was heavy upon 
me, and my dark soul ignorant of the means 
of relief, I frequently lamented that my life 
had been preserved through these dangers, as 
most of them occurred before I had reached, 
as I supposed, the years of accountability. 
But He whose ways are not as our ways, 
chose to preserve me, and guide me by his 
grace and Spirit, and show me that the end 
of my being is to glorify him, and to exalt 
his name. 

"A peculiar providence was also used as the 
means of the conversion of my parents, about 
my eighth year; namely, the loss of an in- 
teresting little son, remarkable for sprightliness 



14 



MEMOIRS OF 



of mind and a noble generosity of soul. He 
was drowned in the Ohio river, in his sixth 
year — a severe dispensation, but which the 
Lord used to bring my parents to a knowledge 
of their condition as sinners, and lead them 
to himself. Soon after this they both became 
members of the Methodist Episcopal Church — 
a Church against which my mother had enter- 
tained great prejudice, having always esteemed 
them a disorderly, fanatical people. But with 
her conversion the Lord stripped her of her 
prejudice, and she became an active, zealous, 
faithful member, entertaining a warm love for 
the humblest of his children, and abounding 
in faith and good works, until her triumphant 
entry into the everlasting ' city of her God.' 

" My mother ! — -truly, she was rightly named 
when she was called a ' Christian/ for she was 
like Christ — like him, was characterized by a 
meek, patient, quiet spirit. Under all circum- 
stances, perplexities, and afflictions, she was 
enabled by grace to say, 'Not my will but 
thine be done.' Like him she 'went about 
doing good' For every tale of sorrow she 
had an ear, and for the weary relief. The 
sick and the poor engrossed her special sym- 
pathy, when not attending to the claims of 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 15 

her family. Furthermore, her secret chamber 
was the sanctuary where the Lord revealed 
the most of the glory of his presence to her 
soul. 

"One or two incidents, which made a deep 
impression on my young heart, I distinctly re- 
member. One night, about eleven o'clock, the 
family were aroused by the low but rapturous 
shouts of my mother, as she passed from one 
apartment to another, uttering the praises of 
her Savior. She had remained up, after my 
father and other members of the family had 
retired, for purposes of devotion. In read- 
ing and prayer she was so baptized with the 
Spirit, that she could not forbear sounding 
aloud the love of Jesus. After this it was 
not uncommon for her to be so visited and 
filled with his love, that when she came from 
her closet, her countenance seemed illuminated 
as though a radiance were transferred from 
the face of Christ to her own, and her hps 
sounded forth his praise. 

"During her decline, her mind was kept in 
perfect peace, stayed upon the Lord — feeding 
in silence upon the bread of life. About one 
hour before her death, when the family and 
friends saw that her departure was nigh, and 



16 



MEMOIRS OF 



were gathering around her bed, she exclaimed, 
* 0 praise the Lord ! Why do you not all praise 
him ! 0 why do you not all praise the Lord f 
seeming surprised at the silence of those around 
her. She continued to praise till her strength 
failed, and her voice grew feeble. She then 
raised her hands, moistened already with the 
cold sweat of death, and clasped them in token 
of triumph. But words cannot describe the 
scene. Her countenance beamed with unearthly 
radiance as floods of light from the Sun of 
righteousness poured into her soul to light her 
across the vale of death. To her the king of 
terrors had lost his sting, the grave its gloom. 
She died May 5th, 1833." 



CHAPTER II. 

First convictions— Presbyterian camp meeting — Labors of a 
friend — Goes to the anxious seat — Methodist camp meeting — 
Convictions deepened — Joins the Church as a seeker — Temp- 
tations at school — Vacillations — Cholera — Domestic responsibili- 
ties. 

In noting the providences that marked her 
childhood, Mrs. Sears seems to have been 
particularly arrested by that which led to the 
conversion of her family ; and, caught away by 
the remembrance of the pious life and trium- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 17 

phant death of her mother, she intermits her 
own history, to sketch hers. Had her mother 
lived, we should, doubtless, have been able to 
gather many interesting incidents of the daugh- 
ter's childhood, which none, of course, but a 
mother could furnish. The diary records, as 
follows, her early religious impressions : 

" I do not know at what period I first felt the 
influence of the Holy Spirit. I know I was 
blessed with a tender conscience from my ear- 
liest years, which was severely* pained whenever 
it was violated, and could not be appeased until 
the violation was confessed and the occasion 
removed. I remember to have thought much 
about heaven at the time my little brother was 
drowned, and to have had a strong persuasion 
that he was taken thither; and I remember to 
have tried to console my deeply-afflicted mother 
with the thought. 

" I think my first conviction, as a sinner, of 

my need of a Savior, was about my thirteenth 

year, through the conversation of a young lady 

of the ' Old School I Presbyterian C hurch. That 

denomination held a camp meeting near Lane 

Seminary, which this friend invited me to attend. 

My parents consenting, I did so. During the 

progress of the meeting my friend frequently 
2 



18 MEMOIRS OF 

walked in the woods with me, for the purpose 
of conversing about my soul. I recollect that, 
in endeavoring to show me the necessity of 
coming out from the world, and acknowledging 
Christ, she quoted the following passage, which 
made a deep impression on my mind : i Whoso- 
ever, therefore, shall be ashamed of me and of 
my words, in this adulterous and sinful genera- 
tion, of him also shall the Son of man be 
ashamed when he cometh in the glory of his 
Father with the holy angels,' Mark viii, 38. I 
went once to the.' anxious seat? or what Meth 
odists term 'the mourner's bench,' but without 
any special realization of the importance of the 
act. I left the camp meeting in a serious state 
of mind, with no adequate convictions, however, 
of my true condition as a condemned sinner? 

The young lady above referred to, in the lan- 
guage of Mrs. Sears' diary, "is now (1848) a 
Methodist, and has been several years married 
to a lawyer of Illinois, who is also a member of 

the same Church. Her brother, Dr. J. F y, 

once our family physician, and a rigid Calvinist, 
has since become a Methodist minister." Should 
this narrative meet her eye, how must her heart 
rejoice to learn the happy issue of the religious 
concern which she was instrumental in awaken- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



19 



ing! Probably Mrs. Sears never wholly lost 
the convictions she received at the camp meet- 
ing; and the impressions thus early made on 
her mind, by the recital of that solemn text, 
may have given tone to her whole religious 
character. All who knew her must have ob- 
served how carefully, in her maturer years, she 
carried out its principles. In language, dress, 
deportment, indeed, in all her ways, she aimed 
to acknowledge her Savior, whatever might be 
her personal perplexities or enjoyments. 

"In the morning sow thy seed, and in the 
evening withhold not thy hand/' is the direction 
of Him who cannot err — a direction, which, 
were it obeyed by all professed followers of 
Christ, would be productive of abundant fruit 
to his glory. Who would not cheerfully endure 
the cross of introducing the subject of religion 
in conversation, and urging its importance on 
others, if assured that the humble effort would 
result in the salvation of a soul? But "we 
know not whether shall prosper either this or 
that/' and should be content to perform our 
duty, and leave results to God. The Bible 
teaches us to be " always abounding in the work 
of the Lord, forasmuch as we know that our 
labor is not in vain in the Lord." This should 



20 



MEMOIRS OF 



inspire our zeal, and encourage us to persevere 
in efforts to save souls, even when circumstances 
appear unfavorable. A text from the Bible 
affectionately urged on the dullest ear, may 
continue to sound on that ear till it gets a hear- 
ing — or lodged in the heart, and long buried 
there, by the power of the Holy Ghost, it may 
become "spirit and life;" and in it, "the dead" 
soul may "hear the voice of the Son of God 
and live." Reader, wouldst thou pluck souls 
as brands from the burning? Then let every 
thing that proceedeth out of thy mouth be 
"good to the use of edifying, that it may minis- 
ter grace to the hearers." Thus did the youth- 
ful but faithful Miss F y; and the history 

before us proves that she did not toil for naught. 

Continuing her narrative, Mrs. Sears says: 
" These were my school days ; and on returning 
to my school duties, I suffered much ridicule 
from my thoughtless irreligious mates who were 
at the camp meeting, and knew that I had pre- 
sented myself at the despised anxious seat. 
About two months after, the Methodist camp 
meeting commenced, which my parents favored 
my attending, and placed me under the care of 
an old lady, a zealous member of that Church. 
Here conviction was renewed, and, I think, some- 



MRS. ANGrELINE B. SEARS. 



21 



what deepened. Through the advice of friends, 
I placed myself among the seekers of salvation, 
and as such gave my name to the Church, I 
think, August 3, 1830. 

"I attended the means of grace, especially 
preaching, class and prayer meetings, and at 
times was diligent in reading the Bible, and in 
secret prayer. Sometimes my heart would be 
very much broken up — tears would flow freely ; 
and occasionally a gleam of comfort, I knew 
not of what kind, or wherefore, would possess 
my heart — perhaps I should rather say my 
mind. But all these impressions were like the 
morning cloud and early dew. They passed 
away with every change of influence and cir- 
cumstance. My school associations were very 
unfavorable to the culture of religious feeling;. 
I think not one of my age in the school I at- 
tended was pious, and but few of them had 
pious parents ; though most of them were moral, 
church-going people. Then the ambitious em- 
ulations cultivated by teachers in the hearts of 
their pupils, exerted an influence unfriendly to 
religion. The love of dress and worldly asso- 
ciations was also in me, as in most young per- 
sons, very strong — which the Bible, and my 
mother, and my nursing mothers in Israel, all 



22 



MEMOIRS OF 



told me was incompatible with the love of 
God. So I passed along with a gay heart, or 
a hard heart, or a broken and somewhat con- 
trite heart, just as surrounding influences con- 
spired to affect it. 

" I always entertained great reverence for the 
ministers of the Gospel, and delighted to oblige 
them when in my power, from the first whom I 
remember to have visited my father's house, 
soon after my parents joined the Church — the 
Rev. Wm. B. Christie, and Rev. James Calla- 
han : both now before the throne. They were 
appointed to my father's to lodge during the 
session of the Ohio conference. I remembered 
them both ever after with great esteem, and 
looked upon the chamber they occupied as sa- 
cred. The Church bore with me, and retained 
me, advising and reproving as they saw need. 

In 1832, when the cholera scourged our land 
and our city, conscious that I was without hope 
in Christ, I became exceedingly alarmed, par- 
ticularly when news of the death of any of my 
acquaintances would reach me. At such times 
I would resort to my room, and read the ninety- 
first Psalm, and then pour out my fears to Him 
who heareth in secret; and though I was an 
unregenerate sinner, I believe in every instance, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



23 



when I thus prayed, my fears were allayed, and 
I felt a degree of confidence that my prayer 
was heard. Myself and my family were pre- 
served from the destroyer. He was not per- 
mitted to come nigh our dwelling." 

After entering her fourteenth year, in conse- 
quence of the sickness and death of her mother, 
Mrs. Sears was taken from school, and assumed 
the care of her father's house and her younger 
sisters ; and she seemed to possess energy suited 
to the weighty responsibilities of her station, 
"the duties of which," says her father, "she 
discharged with self-sacrificing devotion, and 
with judgment above her years." She pa- 
tiently confined herself to domestic affairs till 
her health failed; and so uncomplainingly did 
she proceed, that her father, engrossed as he 
was with business, did not discover her danger 
till she was on the borders of a decline. He 
says of her at that period: "She did not, at 
this time, profess to have received remission of 
her sins; yet her whole manner was changed 
from thoughtless gayety to the sober contem- 
plation of present duty and future usefulness, 
and the everlasting welfare of herself and oth- 
ers. By nature her temper was hasty and 
irritable; yet she was under the influence of 



24 



MEMOIRS OF 



restraining grace. The Sun of righteousness 
had cast his beams into her soul, and given 
her an enlightened conscience and a quick per- 
ception of duty. Her reading had ever been, 
from choice, of the more profitable kind. She 
read but one novel, I believe, in her whole 
life; and the light trash of the day had no 
fascination for her." 



CHAPTER HI. 

Her father's second marriage — Her step-mother — Letter — Goes 
to Philadelphia — Letter from her father — Her school— Death of 
her sister — Return home — World ensnares her — Church member- 
ship — Its salutary influence — Conversation on Church member- 
ship. 

To Mrs. Sears her father's second marriage, 
in 1834, was a test of principle. She had 
imbibed, in a high degree, the prejudice so 
common against step-mothers. The lady who 
took the place of her own beloved mother 
was a stranger to her; but she felt the duty 
of sacrificing her own feelings and prejudices 
for the happiness of the family, and she re- 
solved to do it. She received her new mother 
with open arms, and, after a short acquaintance, 
with open heart, using every endeavor to render 
her responsible position pleasant; justly rep- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



25 



resenting her among friends as possessing all 
those excellences which fitted her to supply 
the place of the departed. She became her 
step -mother's most affectionate counselor and 
devoted friend, as will be seen in the following 
letter from Mrs. Brooks : 

"I married and came into the family in 
1834. At my first interview with Angeiine, 
I was much pleased. I found her to be ex- 
ceedingly modest and retiring in disposition, 
uniting in her person a degree of sprightliness 
and beauty which I had seldom met with. 
She possessed also a maturity of judgment far 
above her years. In disposition I never saw 
her equal — so benevolent, so full of sympathy, 
so kind to all. I found her such a counselor, 
in the management of my family, as I felt the 
greatest need of. I know not how I should 
have got along without her advice. Her preju- 
dice with regard to step-mothers was strong; 
and, as the eldest of the family, she might 
have rendered my position extremely unpleas- 
ant; but, casting aside all personal feelings 
of this kind, she endeavored to impress the 
younger members of the family with correct 
ideas in regard to their duty as children, and 
exerted all her influence, which was of course 



26 



MEMOIRS OF 



great, in promoting the highest union and love 
in the family. 

" Although a member of the Church, she 
did not profess religion ; but, from her deport- 
ment, and strict attention to religious duties, 
I regarded her as a pattern of piety. In the 
spring of 1835 she went to Philadelphia, to 
attend school. While there, her amiable dis- 
position and deportment secured much friend- 
ship and love." 

The following is her father's testimony re- 
specting this event and its results : 

" Soon after she was released from the cares 
of my family by my second marriage, I sent 
her to a celebrated school in Philadelphia, 
where she mingled with the gay and the 
giddy, without seeming to imbibe the follies 
that too often result in greater injury than 
all the information derived from such board- 
ing schools is worth. And when she had fin- 
ished her education, as the phrase is, she had 
really but just commenced it. She continued 
to devote all the time she could spare to the^ 
acquisition of useful knowledge, acting on the 
principle, that where knowledge is a duty 
ignorance is a crime." 

Of her residence in Philadelphia, and the 



MRS. AN GE LINE B. SEARS. 



21 



influence exerted on her by the school, she 
has left the following record : 

"Here every influence inclined us far, far 
from Christ and his atonement. Prayers were 
repeated morning and evening from the Prayer- 
Book, by the governess, she and all the scholars 
sitting in their chairs, in a prescribed posture, 
namely, erect, hands crossed on the lap, and 
feet placed together, with the toes a little di- 
verging. These rules were to be scrupulously 
observed. After each young lady was seated, 
the principal, or governess, glanced round the 
circle to see that every pupil's position was ac- 
cording- to rule. But, alas! nothing was said 
about the solemnity or importance of the wor- 
ship. While we engaged in the form, or a 
form, the spirit and the truth of worship were 
forgotten. 

"While in this institution, our studies were 
of the first importance. After school-hours 
were over, amusements — such as vocal and in- 
strumental music, dancing, novel- reading, chit- 
chat about fashion and etiquette, or a prom- 
enade, in company with the governess, in a 
fashionable public square — filled up, or rather 
consumed the remaining precious hours of the 
day. Dancing I never engaged in ; for, though 



28 



MEMOIRS OF 



my heart was very far from God, reverence for 
my parents, especially my departed mother, 
and for the Church — a certificate of member- 
ship in which I still held — forbade my par- 
taking of that amusement; which, with a few 
other items of conscientiousness — such as read- 
ing my Bible, refusing to read novels, or to 
w T alk in the garden or swing on the Sabbath — 
gained me the appellation, 'the pious.' The 
last two were great temptations, after Mrs. 
S— moved to her country-seat, at Hamilton 
village. But these were abandoned by several 
of the young ladies after I left, and, I was 
informed, through my example; and some of 
them even resolved to read the Bible instead 
of novels, at least on the Sabbath. 

"Such were the influences with which I 
was surrounded. I attended Church, with the 
others, once on Sabbath, listened to a sermon, 
read without any of the unction of the Holy 
Ghost attending it, and which made no im- 
pression on the heart or mind, except as occa- 
sionally some beauty of language would arrest 
the attention. I was in a Methodist church 
but once while in Philadelphia, having no 
one to attend with me. There were several 
daughters of Methodist parents at the school, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



29 



but the) 7 preferred attending with the ma- 
jority, and, being a stranger, I disliked to go 
to a strange Church alone; consequently, the 
certificate alluded to was never presented to 
a pastor there," 

The following autumn she was called home 
by the sickness and death of Mrs. Sullivan, 
her eldest sister. And now the influence of 
her worldly associations began to be seen, 
in a display of the tendencies of the natural 
heart — of that "carnal mind which is enmity 
against God"— which "is not subject to the 
law of God, neither indeed can be." While 
the propriety of her deportment was such, 
that her mother — not then an experimental 
Christian — "thought her a pattern of piety," 
her heart was borne away by the love of 
fashion and pleasure, and her whole being 
tended from God and holiness. Of this por- 
tion of her history the letter from her mother, 
before quoted, says : 

"Upon her return from school, the benevo- 
lence of her heart prompted her to visit the 
haunts of the poor, and, as far as was in her 
power, to alleviate their sufferings, supply their 
wants, and administer consolation to them. So 
completely did she, at times, lose sight of her- 



30 



MEMOIRS OF 



self, as to injure her own health in attempting 
to minister to others. Her friendship was truly 
disinterested, and, of course, lasting. She fre- 
quently neglected herself, but always antici- 
pated my wants in sickness and health. When 
she was indisposed, I never knew her to com- 
plain of her suffering. I often discovered, 
from some involuntary motion, that she was 
in pain; but when inquired of as to the cause, 
she would almost invariably reply, f O, it is 
nothing of consequence.' " 

She appeared, through her whole life, to 
think herself unworthy of any enjoyment; so 
low were her views of herself, that she seemed 
almost to be gratified by suffering as suited to 
her demerit. Yet these views of her unwor- 
thiness did not banish her pride, worldliness, 
or gayety ; which shows the inefficacy of pen- 
ance, and the inconsistency of poor human na- 
ture. But we will permit her again to speak 
for herself ; for we presume that — allowing for 
the severity of her self -judging — her own lan- 
guage will best illustrate her character. After 
stating that she was called home on account 
of the death of her sister, and that she arrived 
too late to witness the triumphs of that scene, 
she says: 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



31 



"But affliction and bereavement did not 
bring me effectually to God. On my return 
home, friends and the world gathered around 
me. I was now looked upon as a young lady 
just taking her place in society; and, after 
the wound of my bereavement was healed 
over by time, the world began to wear new 
charms. For a short period the sanctuary was 
nearly forsaken, except as I occasionally went 
to one where much of worldly influence and 
fashion was concentrated. Where the poor 
followers of Christ worshiped there were no 
charms for me. I should probably have been 
committed to the world as its votary, but for 
the advice and influence of my father, who 
desired me to return my certificate to the 
Methodist Episcopal Church. As he several 
times expressed his anxiety on this point, I 
determined to offer it to my former class- 
leader, though my heart was wholly averse 
to it. I felt the inconsistency of being at- 
tached to a Church, while all my tastes and 
desires led me in an opposite direction — of 
professing to leave the vain pomp and glory 
of the world, while I was pursuing it with 
all my heart. I would not have chosen to 
withdraw from the Church: but as I was, by 



32 



MEMOIRS OF 



virtue of my removal wiWa certificate, already, 
as I supposed, honorably out, my tastes and 
feelings being as they were, I thought it were 
better to remain so. But, yielding to my fath- 
er's wish, I returned my letter of membership 
to my leader, and again attended his class. 

''This was, in one respect, a salutary step. 
Though I am ashamed of my inconsistency, I 
am thankful that the Church received and bore 
with me. I was much in the world, and was, 
in every sense, worldly-minded ; yet I was fre- 
quently brought under religious influences — con- 
science was roused — the Spirit of God operated, 
and my pleasures were often embittered. At 
this period I proved that 

c Each pleasure hath its poison too, 
And every sweet a snare.' 

The gay party, the concert, the fair, could none 
of them afford me entertainment that would si- 
lence the thunders of the law as the Spirit 
would utter them in the hours of retirement. 
But morning after morning broke, and with the 
bright rays of the sun and the influences of so- 
ciety, conviction was stifled. Thus I went on, 
almost entirely disregarding the calls of the 
Holy Spirit, for two years." 

How many will here read their own experi- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



33 



ence! How many do thus lose their Church 
membership! How many lose their saute, as 
Mrs. Sears, perhaps, would have done but for 
the fidelity of her father, and her filial obe- 
dience ! Happy for the young who have faith- 
ful parents and obedient tempers. Happy 
those whose sense of propriety, if no higher 
motiye, leads them, when in the Church, to ob- 
serve its ordinances. Such will find, as she did, 
that it is better to attend the means of grace, 
eyen with slothful affections, than not to attend 
them at all — that it is better to adhere to the 
Church, though under a heavy cross and with 
dull hearts, than to throw off its restraints, and 
recklessly plunge away to the world ; thus, not 
only resisting and grieving, but quenching the 
Holy Spirit. 

I am aware that the question is often raised, 
" Should unconverted persons be permitted to 
join the Church?" They should not, if the 
Bible, either directly or by strict implication, 
forbids. But where, and in what form do we 
find the prohibition ? We will not say there is 
none ; but less we cannot say than that we never 
have found it If it exist, many Churches act 
in violation of it. By some, the Methodists only 
are supposed to be involved. But this is an 
3 



34 



MEMOIRS OF 



error; the whole family of Paedobaptists, of 
every school, is chargeable in this matter as 
well as Methodism, with a mere circumstantial 
variation. The following conversation occurred 
in my presence, a few years since, between two 
gentlemen of different denominations : 

A. "I am surprised, sir, that your denomi- 
nation should admit unregenerate persons to 
Church membership." 

B. "Do you not approve of the practice, 
then?" 

A. "By no means. I consider it antiscrip- 
tural, and a great injury to the cause of relig- 
ion." 

B. "Why, then, does your Church practice 
it?" 

A. " Ours practice it ! I never heard of such 
a thing. Never did a case of the kind occur, I 
suppose, on the continent." 

B. " How, then, do you receive members into 
your Church?" 

A. "We examine them in regard to their ex- 
perience, and never admit them until, in the 
judgment of charity, they are truly converted." 

B. "But is that 'judgment of charity' infal- 
lible, or is it liable to err?" 

A, " Liable to err, of course ; but, then, we 



MRS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 



35 



intend to guard the Chiirch, and for this end do 
Qur duty, which is all that God requires. It 
seems to me that your Church willingly breaks 
down the guards and defenses of the sacred 
enclosure." 

B. "But do you admit no persons into the 
Church without a profession of regeneration?' 5 

A. " Not one. We should deem it a profane 
act," 

B. "You say you examine them. That, I 
suppose, is not taking them into the Church, 
but is simply a preparation for their admission ?" 

A, " They next- enter into covenant with the 
Church, and then are announced as members, 
and received to the sacrament. " 

B. "What sacrament?" 

A. "The Lord's supper." 

B. "Not without baptism, I suppose?" 

A. "If they have not been baptized, of course 
they must be before they sit at the Lord's table." 

B. "In such a case you consider baptism the 
Scrip tural mode of initiating them into the 
Church?" 

A. "Certainly." 

B. "And those baptized are, by that sacra- 
ment, made members of the Church, are they 
not?" 



36 



MEMOIRS OF 



A. "So I conceive." 

B. "Now I will inquire whether those bap- 
tized infants, which are brought by thousands 
into your Church, profess regeneration?" 

A. " I do not consider them members of the 
Church." 

B. "But you have granted that baptism ini- 
tiates into the Church. Besides, do you not 
yield to the opinions of your own standard 
writers — of such masters in divinity as Dr. 
Dwight?" 

Here the conversation was willingly, or un- 
willingly waved. But the worthy objector was 
evidently taken by surprise. He was aware 
that the ablest writers of his Church insist that 
by baptism the child becomes a member, and 
that solemn parental covenants look to that 
great fact. And, although he might plead that 
the child is a member only in a qualified sense, 
yet, certainly, it is not in a sense more Scrip- 
turally qualified, than the case of a catechu- 
men or probationer in the Methodist Episcopal 
Church. But we drop the theme, merely add- 
ing that Mrs. Sears is one example among thou- 
sands, of the benefits of Church membership 
as a means of seeking God. 



MRS. ANGELIKE B. SEARS. 



37 



CHAPTER IV. 

New acquaintances — Deeper convictions — Visit to a friend- 
Hester Ann Rogers — Conversion — Change in deportment — Her 
mother's letter — Choice of friends — Benevolence — Reading — 
Conflicts — Perseverance in duty — An invalid. 

The narrative of Mrs, Sears proceeds thus: 
"I began to be more interested in the means 
of grace in our own Church — I scarcely knew 
why— and to attend public worship more con- 
stantly. I met some interesting acquaintances, 
with whom I formed permanent friendships. 

Among them were my dear friend, Mrs. H , 

whom I had slightly known as Mrs. T , and, 

some time after, the family of Dr. R , who 

was then stationed at Wesley Chapel. With 

his daughter, now Mrs. Rev. C B , I 

formed a very pleasant acquaintance. 

"The Holy Spirit seemed now to be loosening 
my hold of the world, and convincing me of 
superior joys. I became deeply convicted of 
my state as an unregenerate sinner, with no 
hope in Christ, or share in his atoning blood. 
I had no vivid views of my awful danger and 
exposure to hell. A deep, desolate sense of 
my alienation from God seemed to be my prom- 
inent feeling. The world lost its alluring aspect, 



38 



MEMOIRS OF 



and its pleasures palled. At times my sense 
of desolation, as an alien from God, was so 
great, that tears would gush from my eyes as I 
walked along the street; and raising them up- 
ward, I would exclaim, 'An alien from God! 
an alien from God! an alien from GodP 

" As I did not make any record of my expe- 
rience, I forget the order of much that trans- 
pired within and without. But, about this time, 

I recollect calling on Mrs. H , whom I had 

not then been in the habit of visiting. She 
made many inquiries as to my religious state ; 
and finding I had an anxious mind, she directed 
me to such books as she thought would instruct 
me in the way to life, and loaned me the memoir 
of Hester Ann Rogers, which was the first work 
of the kind I ever read. She also reminded me 
of the necessity of nonconformity to the world 
in dress, in spirit, and in associations. 

"In the state of mind above described, I at- 
tended the services of the sanctuary three times 
on Sabbath, January 7, 1837. In the evening 
I went to the ' Old Brick/ Fourth street. Rev. 
L. L. H preached from Psalm xci, com- 
mencing, ' He that dwelleth in the secret place 
of the Most High.' His remarks on the clause, 
'In Him will I trust,' setting forth that the in- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



39 



carnate God was the sinner s only refuge, gave 
me much comfort ; yet my burden was not re- 
moved. I retired, trying to say in my heart, 
' In Him will I trust' and fell asleep trying. I 
awoke long before day; but, though darkness 
was without, all was light, and joy, and peace 
within. I arose with a glad heart, went down 
to the parlor fire, and spent the morning in 
reading my new Bible, and singing new hymns, 
such as describe the pardoned sinner. 

"When the day broke, all the world looked 
bright and beautiful — though clad in a vestment 

* of snow — a fit emblem, as I thought, of the new 
creation I had experienced — bright, and glori- 
ous, and pme. Truly, * old things had passed 

\ away, and behold all things had become new.' 
When the family came into the parlor, my father, 
who was very unwell, remarked, 6 1 am too sick 
to pray.' My heart and lips exclaimed, 'I feel 
as if I could pray ;' and then, with tears stream- 
ing down my face, related to the family the 
exercises which I had passed through for some 
time, and the joy and peace I then felt, and 
added, 6 You may think it delusion, but I know it 
is not.' My mother said not a word ; but has 
since told me that she then considered it the 
height of enthusiasm. Pa requested me to read, 



40 



MEMOIRS OF 



which I did, the one hundredth Psalm; and 
every sentence spoke power to my heart. He 
then prayed. He was taken ill that morning, 
and for six weeks his life was nearly despaired 
of. The Lord sustained me in a wonderful 
manner; and, praised be his name! he spared 
the life of my father." 

In connection with the above, it may prop- 
erly be mentioned, that her mother had been 
educated with strong prejudices against the 
Methodist Episcopal Church, and was not, at 
the time, an experienced Christian; but, not 
long after, she sought and obtained the knowl- 
edge of sins forgiven, and was prepared to join 
hands with her daughter in the work of the 
Lord. How joyfully, and with one heart, have 
they since journeyed together in the "more 
excellent way!" 

From this period there was a decided change 
in her manner of life. Her duties were per- 
formed with greater zeal and fidelity, and many 
things were regarded as sacredly binding upon 
her which had before been overlooked, or es- 
teemed as unimportant. In the letter to which 
reference has been made, her mother remarks : 

"This change produced great results; and 
from this time she sought to promote the 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



41 



honor and glory of God in all she did. As 
a Bible-class teacher she was the means of 
benefiting all who attended. She was very- 
active as Secretary of the Missionary Society, 
and, at the same time, exerted herself to the 
utmost as a Manager in the Benevolent So- 
ciety, not only distributing, but giving alms, 
and endeavoring to awake the unawakened, 
pointing them to the Lamb of God that taketh 
away the sin of the world. Often have we 
since taken sweet counsel together — prayed, 
sung, and rejoiced in God our Savior; and 
"when she was married the Joss to me was 
great indeed.' ' 

The most pious were now her chosen com- 
panions. She selected the friends of the Sa- 
vior as her friends, and, without regard to 
rank or opulence, seemed to say, "Whosoever 
shall do the will of my Father which is in 
heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, 
and mother." The recorded experience of the 
faithful dead, with other devotional reading, 
especially the Bible, employed as much of her 
time as could be redeemed from other impera- 
tive duties. 

She was much in secret prayer, being often 
found in her chamber kneeling, with her Bible 



42 



MEMOIRS OF 



open before her. Her efforts to benefit others 
were redoubled. Her attire assumed a marked 
plainness, from which no solicitations could in- 
duce her to swerve. She sought, by econo- 
mizing in her wardrobe, to extend her charities ; 
and even when her parents placed in her hands 
money, with the request that she should pur- 
chase for herself new articles of clothing, she 
often appropriated it to the use of the indi- 
gent, observing that she did not need, and did 
not desire more than she already had. And 
when her mother, deeming that her comfort 
required additional purchases, made them for 
her, she would often repeat, "I did not wish 
any thing more than I had." She aimed to 
take the Bible as the rule of her life, and 
sought that holiness of heart which she found 
its pages inculcated. 

After these statements, the reader will be 
likely to anticipate that her path was "as that 
of the just, which shineth more and more 
unto the perfect day." But it was not so. 
Instead of uninterrupted peace and progress, 
she became involved in deep perplexity and 
mental agony. Sorrow, not joy, became the 
prevailing state of her heart. Nor was this 
because it is a vain thing to serve the Lord, 



MRS. ANGELISE B. SEARS. 



43 



nor because his ways are not equal. She 
placed before her the Gospel standard — "per- 
fect love" — and aimed at it as her prize; but 
she forgot to employ the sword of the Spirit 
and the shield of faith. She attempted to lay 
aside every weight, and the sin which did so 
easily beset her, and to run with patience the 
race set before her, but did not fix her eye on 
Jesus. Here she failed. It was as though 
the suffering Israelite had turned his eye to 
the wound, instead of looking at the brazen 
serpent lifted up for his healing. 
* Another cause of embarrassment was, that 
she was wont to compare her own experience 
with that of the venerable Christian worthies 
of whom she read. Thus measuring herself, 
no wonder that she fell into great discourage- 
ment. The enemy of her peace took advan- 
tage of it, to accuse her, with great plausibility. 
Her natural tendency to self-reproach supplied 
him with a thousand inlets to her helpless soul, 
and she was often driven to the borders of de- 
spair. In this state almost every sin she had 
ever committed seemed magnified as an offense 
which could never be forgiven — which even 
the blood of Christ was insufficient to wash 
away. 



44 



MEMOIRS OF 



At this period she was in the habit of calling 
on the writer almost daily, and spending hours 
in wrestling for the deliverance of her captive 
soul; sometimes in an agony almost more than 
life could support. But her Friend and Advo- 
cate above had his eye of pity on her, and at 
length brought her to triumph in his full sal- 
vation. She thus describes this portion of her 
religious history: 

" I now began and continued to read all such 
books as tended to the knowledge of God, 
and to illustrate experience. The lives of Mr. 
Fletcher, Mrs. Fletcher, Mr. Wesley, Lady Max- 
well, Carvosso, and some others, I perused with 
great interest and profit, but did not receive the 
full amount of benefit I might, because of my 
ignorance. The depth of their experience often 
discouraged me — not considering that they were 
fathers and mothers in Israel — I but a babe; 
and being ignorant of Satan's devices, I list- 
ened to his suggestions, when he would say, 
'If you were a child of God you would ex- 
perience all they did/ 

"In all outward things I made an immediate 
and permanent separation from the world, as 
I thought the Bible directed. This proved a 
great trial to my family; and I would occa- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



45 



sionally hear an intimation, that plainness of 
dress and withdrawing from vain company 
were the effects of superstition. However, in 
this I was enabled steadfastly to maintain the 
stand I had taken, knowing what the word of 
God said on these points. Happy would it 
have been for me, had I as successfully wielded 
the sword of the Spirit and the shield of faith 
to ward off the thrusts of the devil. But I 
listened to his reasonings ; and believing him, 
rather than the word of God, I was continually 
brought into darkness and condemnation. 

"From the time of my conversion I was 
more or less convicted of the need of holiness, 
and that there was a state for the Christian 
higher than that in which he is placed by re- 
generation. Sinning and repenting make up 
the sum of life with many professing Chris- 
tians. Alas! how few view it their privilege 
to live in any other than a state of bondage; 
for in such a state truly are all who fear God, 
yet have not the liberty of his children! The 
world, the deceitfulness of their own hearts, 
and the devil, hold them in captivity. So it 
was with me. I have often repeated Pollok's 
human heart but partially sanctified as a faith- 
ful picture of mine." 

t 



46 



MEMOIRS OF 



It will be recollected, that Mrs. Sears wrote 
the foregoing after she had come more clearly 
to apprehend faith in its simplicity and power, 
and she wondered — as thousands when de- 
livered do — at her own dullness as a disciple 
of Christ — at her slowness "of heart to be- 
lieve." One who had just entered the rest of 
faith was exclaiming, " 0 the simplicity of the 
way !" A friend said, "You could not perceive 
this when we tried to point it out." "No," 
she replied, "then your language was unmean- 
ing to me ; but now nothing is so expressive 
as the phrase, 'simple faith.'" Take the fol- 
lowing illustration: two young ladies had, for 
a day or two, visited and supplied the wants 
of a poor old invalid, and had labored much 
to encourage him, as a convicted sinner, to 
throw himself on Christ for salvation. One 
morning, as they entered his apartment, he 
looked up, with a glad countenance, and said: 
"I was expecting you." "And why," said 
they, "was you expecting us?" "Because," 
said he, "you promised to return this morn- 
ing." "And is it not wonderful, that you can 
believe our promise, poor, sinful mortals as we 
are, yet do not believe the promises of the 
unchangeable God, 'who cannot lie?'" The 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



±1 



snare was broken, and his stricken spirit at 
once received Christ and salvation by believing. 
Thus, by simple faith — by faith alone — must 
they who seek receive a heart "circumcised" 
to love God with a "perfect love" — must re- 
ceive that promised happiness, that sprinkling 
which shall cleanse them from "all their filthi- 
ness, and from all their idols." 



CHAPTER V, 

- Letters — To Mrs. Rev. C. Brooks — To her sister Eliza — Re- 
marks 

As the mind and heart are known by what 
they dictate, I present the following letters 
and extracts, selected from Mrs. Sears' cor- 
respondence, that the reader may, as it were, 
commune with one who, although her lips are 
now sealed, still speaks, and more impressively, 
because as from the grave. These letters indi- 
cate the variations in her experience, as one 
of them was written in a very joyful state of 
mind, and others under great discouragement 
and trial. 

TO MRS. REV. C. BROOES. 

Cincinnati, April 16, 1839. 
" Your note was handed me, my dear sister, 



48 



MEMOIRS OF 



by your mother, on Sabbath ; and though, in 
your haste, you was not very definite, yet I 
conclude from it, and some remarks of your 
ma's, that there is satisfaction all around. I 
have regretted very much having troubled your 
mind with it. But let us forget all now, for 
the more delightful theme — a Savior s love. 
I wished to have some minutes, at least, when 
I saw you last, that I might tell you with 
what fullness of love and mercy our precious 
Redeemer has dealt toward me lately. I say 
lately — not that all his acts have not been 
mercy and love, but that he has manifested 
both to me, by his own presence, in a higher 
sense than I have ever been permitted to feel 
before; and, since I saw you, his banner over 
me has been love. I can now look from self- 
vile self — to a bleeding Savior, and realize that 
his blood atones for my infinite unworthiness, 

0 the wonders of redeeming love! May we 
learn more and more every day of the depth 
of its mysteries ! 

"My dear sister, I want your prayers, I am 
making a desperate — if I may use the word — 
struggle to disentangle myself from the world. 

1 want every cord that binds me to earth to 
be cut loose. I do want to come out — with 



MRS. ANGELINE R. SEARS. 



49 



Christian independence — from among them, be 
separate, as we are commanded, and, if it be 
necessary, for the sake of Christ, to become a 
reproach, or any thing, or nothing, so that I 
may win Him who, for my sake, suffered insult, 
poverty, and reproach, Ah ! am I an heir of 
heaven, and traveling thitherward ? And shall 
I be casting back a covetous eye on earth? 
Ah! dear M— — •.. I know it must be all of 
grace, that I may be able to count all things 
but loss for the blessedness of possessing Christ 
alone ; and I am glad that it is of grace : but 
I want you to pray, that I may be enabled to 
exercise such a degree of faith as may ap- 
prehend and use the grace proffered. 0 for a 
thankful heart for what I have already re- 
ceived ! Though I have, for some days, felt 
much of my Savior's protecting love, yet I 
feel like a little child beginning to walk, that 
holds by its parent's finger in its attempts, yet 
with a consciousness of its liability to fall — 
not that the tender parent's finger will be 
withdrawn, but the child's own weakness or 
willfulness may proinpt it to try alone. I 
know that my heavenly Father will not with- 
draw the finger of his love, and that none 
shall be able to pluck me out of his hand; 
4 



50 



MEMOIRS OF 



but I tremble lest I should let go my grasp 
and fall. 

"Do you know the drudgery of making 
formal visits? If so, you know the heartless 
emptiness of the task I have been perform- 
ing to-day. But I am thankful that my mind 
has been kept peaceful, instead of becoming 
dissipated, as is too often the case, when 
mingling with the world. I am led to be- 
hold its folly, and to pity those who live con- 
tent with groveling pleasures. 0 that I could 
feel and pray more for them ! 

" Dear Mary, forgive the freedom with which 
I write ; let charity cover all ; and pray for 
"Your unworthy sister, 

c * -AxGELINE." 

TO THE SAME. 

" Cincinnati, May 8, 1839. 
"Dear Sister, — I wish I could give you 
the eloquent, heart-searching sermon to which 
I have just listened; but that is impossible. 
I can, however, say, that to me the preacher 
portrayed my own poor, weak heart. The text 
was, 'Whosoever, therefore, shall be ashamed 
of me, and of my words, in this adulterous 
and sinful generation, of him also shall the 
Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



51 



the glory of his Father with the holy angels.' 
Commencing with the ministry, and descending 
through every order of society, both Christian 
and infidel, he attempted to show each, in turn, 
what it is to be ashamed of Christ, and of his 
words, and that all are in danger, if not guilty, 
of this sin. 

"And is it so? Ah! dear M , my poor, 

corrupt heart, my daily walk and conversa- 
tion, respond that with me it is so. I feel 
to-night that, of all, I the least deserve the 
name of Christian. My tender heavenly Father 
has stooped lately to bless me with a sense of 
his love; and though, for a little while, the 
flame of gratitude rose high in my soul, and 
I felt like telling all around me the precious - 
ness of a Savior's love, yet, strange to tell, 
coldness and ingratitude continually get posses- 
sion of all the affections of my soul. Why — 
why is it thus? Do you, my dear sister, ever 
find this to be your case? 0 the hardness — 
the fearfulness of my heart! What a picture 
does it present ! Is it 
* A Christian heart, awaked from sleep of sin, 
A temple of the Holy Ghost, and yet 
Oft lodging fiends; the dwelling-place of all 
The heavenly virtues — charity and truth/ 
Humility, and holiness, and love; 



52 



MEMOIRS OF 



And yet the common haunt of anger, pride, 
Hatred, revenge . 

Allied to heaven, yet parleying oft with hell; 
A soldier listed in Messiah's band, 
Yet giving quarter to Abaddon's troops; 
With seraphs drinking from the well of life, 
And yet carousing in the cup of death; 
An heir of heaven, and walking thitherward, 
Yet casting back a covetous eye on earth; 
Emblem of strength and weakness; loving now, 
And now abhorring sin; indulging now, 
And now repenting sore; rejoicing now, 
"With joy unspeakable and full of glory; 
Now weeping bitterly, and clothed in dust; 
Half saint, and sinner half; half life, half death; 
Commixture strange of heaven, earth, and hell V 

"Forgive this intrusion upon your patience, 

dear M . I have felt emphatically the 

truth of these words; and whenever I have 
looked for a true picture of myself— as a 
Christian, too — this one has been sketched 
before me. But I fear it is too flattering ; for 
I have reason to believe there is more of 
earth in me than heaven. 

"My mother is very miserable; does not 
leave her room; is almost as helpless as a 
child. I feel anxious for her; but 0 how 
sweet it is to cast all our anxieties upon Him 
who careth for us! Pray for me, that I may 
be cleansed from all sin, and not be afraid 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



53 



of the world, but live always a Christian. Re- 
member me to brother B . That his labors 

may be abundantly successful, and that his 
dear Mary may not forget that she has a work 
to do also, is the prayer of 
" Your unworthy sister, 

"An ge line." 

to the same. 

"Cincinnati, Sept. 9, 1839. 
* * * "The dead here are reviving — 
the cold being warmed — the hitherto unbe- 
lieving are now strong in faith, and nearly all 
are rejoicing — all but me. My soul is dark, 
dark, and I know not whither to turn. It 
seems as though Satan had invented new and 
"untried ways to tempt me. I am sometimes 
almost persuaded to give up all ; and then the 
question arises — as though dictated by the Holy 
Spirit — but what can you gain? Where, poor 
soul, will you go for the words of eternal life ? 
I have no power to act faith in my Savior ; and 
yet I know that the sin of unbelief is the great- 
est of my sins. I am constantly reasoning with 
Satan and my own corrupt heart; and when I 
do thus, I despair. Sometimes I get courage 
enough to look up for a moment, and say, ' Lord, 
I believe ; help thou my unbelief and then the 



54 



MEMOIRS OF 



tempter comes in like a flood, with a multitude 
of objections, and, to convince me, points me to 
my ovai wicked heart ; and so he sifts me con- 
tinually. What — what can I do? The prom- 
ises are only to those that ask in faith. I 
cannot, for I have none. I pray for it, but at 
the same time do not believe that I shall receive 
it. Thus I find even insincerity in my prayers. 

" Xovf tell me, my dear sister, was you ever 
in such a state of darkness ? And if so, how 
was you delivered ? I am even tempted to stay 
from the ordinances of the Lord's house ; but 
in this Satan has not succeeded. Sometimes it 
is suggested, that perhaps the doctrine of 
unconditional election is the true one, and that 
I am not of the elect. And I am sure, if that 
doctrine be indeed true, that I am not ; for every 
bias of my soul is evil, and that continually. 
Satan understands all my weak points, and as- 
sails me at all. 

"Your unworthy but affectionate 

" Axgelixe." 

to the same. 

"Portsmouth, Sept. 7, 1840. 
"I suppose you have more news from the 
camp meeting than I could tell you. As for 
my poor self, I cannot say that I enjoyed it 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



55 



throughout; but at some of the prayer meet- 
ings my soul caught some few drops of the 
showers which fell all around me ; and since, I 
have realized the benefit of the meeting more 
than while there. I suffered much distraction 
of mind, and could but seldom collect scattered 
thought and feeling in order to seek a blessing. 

" I thank my God that, for a few days past, I 
have enjoyed much 'peace in believing;' and, 
though assaulted every hour by my great ad- 
versary—though I feel the weight of corrupt 
nature, yet my soul flies to its refuge, and I 
dare — though with trembling — to call the Sa- 
vior mine. I think I am beginning to experi- 
ence spiritual hunger and thirst. I have prayed 
for months that my desire may be enlarged ; and 
I feel that the Lord has heard my cry. I hope 
that your path is shining brighter and brighter. 
My kind regards to brother B- . It is get- 
ting very dark ; so must bid you good-night. 
"Your unworthy but affectionate 

" Angeline." 

to her sister eliza. 

"Cincinnati, Aug. 19, 1840. 
"My Dear Sister, — Pa received a paper 
from you this morning ; and in compliance with 
your request, I hasten to write to you. 



56 



MEMOIRS OF 



"I suppose it is as well that you have con- 
cluded to remain at Troy. I have felt much 
concern lest you should be thrown into unsuita- 
ble company in traveling. If you improve the 
time, it will, no doubt, be better that you stay. 
But you must not allow yourself to become 
home-sick in the least. We are all glad that 
you say you are happy. 

"I have but this morning returned from our 
camp meeting, commenced a week from to-day. 
The encampment is about three miles beyond 
Lane Seminary. ISFear one hundred were born 
into the spiritual kingdom of our Lord Jesus 
Christ, and they made the grove resound with 
the glad notes of salvation. 0 it is a quicken- 
ing sight to behold thousands of people, who 
have souls to save, or be lost for ever, collected 
in the leafy grove, far from the vanity of the 
world, worshiping their God; and especially 
so when many of the number rejoice, kno wing- 
that the blood of Jesus, our Redeemer, can 
cleanse from unrighteousness, by its application 
to their own souls. 

" 0 how little we regard the salvation pur- 
chased for us by the sufferings and death of 
Christ! We ought to love him with all our 
hearts. What else is worthy to engross our 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



51 



affections, hopes, and desires? While passing 
through time, with time's things we must have 
to do; but how superior to all these should be 
our love of a Savior ! 

"My dear sister, time with us will soon be 
past, and eternity commence ; and if an interest 
in a Savior has not been secured, how awful 
will that eternity be ! But if, made holy here, 
through his blood and righteousness, we are 
permitted to dwell before the eternal throne, 
how will myriads of years pass, and seem but a 
moment ! Let us no longer trifle with our true 
interests. 

" Commending you to the protecting care and 
guiding grace of our heavenly Father, 
"I am, my dear sister, 

" Yours, affectionately, 

" Angeline." 
These letters, as well as others that we shall 
present, were written in the confidence of friend- 
ship, and in the spirit of sisterly love ; and they 
show the very heart of the writer. At the 
date of the last, her sister Eliza was attending 
school at Troy, N. Y. This extract is only an 
index to the habitual feelings and efforts of 
Mrs. Sears, with reference to the salvation of 
her friends. She seemed always to feel more 



58 



MEMOIRS OF 



than a sister's care, and was sometimes heard to 
say, "I would be willing to die if that would 
be the means of bringing my sisters to Christ," 
And if, at any time, she thought her deport- 
ment not calculated to place religion before 
them, in its own pure and attractive light, she 
suffered keenly. 

We also see, in the light of this chapter, the 
importance of holding the "beginning of our 
confidence steadfast unto the end." As fruit 
falls when disengaged from the tree, so sinks 
the soul severed from Christ. As the eagle is 
said to rise so long as he fixes his eye on the 
sun, so the Christian, with his eye on the Sun 
of righteousness, mounts upward till his gaze is 
diverted. Not " steadily looking unto Jesus," 
we cannot be guided by his eye. He is ever 
speaking to us words of eternal life ; but lending 
our ear to the accuser, we cannot hear his voice. 
Christians often experience "seasons of refresh- 
ing from the presence of the Lord," but yield 
to the cruel enemy of their souls, look at them- 
selves, unclasp their hold of the cross, and then 
mourn on again in comparative darkness. 



!£RS. AXGELIXE B. SEAR? 



59 



CHAPTER VI. 

Proposal of marriage — Prayerfully considered — Decision- 
Qualifications sought — Conflicts — Remarks — Simple faith. 

We have glanced at some passages in the life 
of bur departed friend, up to the twenty-fifth 
year of her age. We trust this paitial view will 
correctly illustrate her character. She had now- 
reached a period at which she was compelled 
to enter upon a most serious and prayerful 
inquiry in regard to her future course. She 
was invited to become the bosom companion of 
an itinerant minister; and the question arose, 
"Shall I accept for my husband and earthly 
guide, a friend of my Savior, whose sphere of 
action will involve many severe trials and pri- 
vations ?" She examined this question with 
trembling solicitude, not because she dreaded 
the suffering in prospect, or coveted the gratifi- 
cations which a different sphere in life might 
promise her; but the humble views she enter- 
tained of herself, caused her to shrink from 
responsibilities which she considered inseparable 
from the character of a minister's wife. She 
was accustomed to look on the heralds of the 
cross with veneration, and to regard their wives 
as companions with them not only in tribulation 



60 



MEMOIRS OF 



and suffering, but in labors and in usefulness; 
and as she esteemed it a solemn thing to bear a 
commission from Heaven, as an embassador for 
Christ, so she felt that it was not an unimportant 
step to consent to a union with one so highly 
honored. She saw that to the minister's wife 
the Church looked for an example of purity 
and devotion; and that every word and action 
of hers must, in a peculiar sense, affect the in- 
terests of Zion. She deemed that she had been 
inadequate to the duties of even a private 
sphere, and dreaded lest more weighty respon- 
sibilities might involve her in a deeper condem- 
nation. But, in such a relation, she hoped, on 
the other hand, to find superior aids to a life of 
entire consecration. It would separate her from 
the world, and its stern demands would, as it 
were, compel her to fidelity and perseverance 
in the Christian race. This step, she hoped, 
would effectually bind her to the cross. 

Having decided to enter on the relation, she 
set herself assiduously to seek the qualifications 
for it ; and as a requisite of primary importance, 
she became yet more earnest in prayer for purity 
of heart. Without the strength of full salva- 
tion, she felt that she could neither sustain the 
trials, nor perform the duties of her own new 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



61 



sphere. The conflict was severe and protracted. 
She was often compelled to say, 

"Here I repent and sin again; 
Now I revive, and now am slain." 

Instead of bringing her enemies to the Lord, 
that they might be destroyed, she attempted to 
contend against them ; and it is not surprising 
that she was often foiled. 

How prone we are, overlooking the directions 
given us in the Bible, to seek salvation by "the 
works of the law," rather than by "the hear- 
ing of faith!" It is written, "To him that 
.worketh not, but believeth on Him that justi- 
fietli the ungodlv, his faith is counted for right- 
eousness." But we are wont to think — perhaps, 
rather, to feel — that we cannot believe before 
we have worked long and hard. It is written, 
"Ye will not come unto me that ye might have 
life." We cannot persuade ourselves to come 
to Him till we have made laborious prepara- 
tions. While God is saying, "Look unto me 
and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth, for I 
am God, and there is none else," we are con- 
tinually looking at ourselves — at our efforts — or, 
rather, our failures. 

We are dismayed by the might of our ene- 
mies, and exclaim, "I am not swift to flee, nor 



62 



MEMOIRS OF 



strong to oppose. " But we are told, 11 The race 
is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. 
Fear them not, for I will go before you, and will 
fight for you/' We are discouraged by the 
consciousness of our own weakness. Christ 
says, "My strength is made perfect in weak- 
ness. Not by might nor by power, but by my 
Spirit, saith the. Lord." 

And it would seem that they who have least 
confidence in themselves, sometimes labor most 
to establish a righteousness of their own. Xot 
discerning the distinction between "the works 
of law," and "the obedience of faith," they 
work for faith, instead of working from faith. 
They see that the command is not only " exceed- 
ing broad," but, also, that it is " holy, and just, 
and good;" and they attempt to fulfill it — for- 
getting that it is only when God fulfills his 
promise, "I will circumcise thy heart to love 
the Lord thy God with all thy heart," that we 
are enabled to obey his command, "Thou 
shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart." 
They know that they must be conquerors, and 
strive — forgetting that "we are in all things 
more than conquerors" — only ''through Him 
that loved us, and gave himself for as." Those 
who learn to cast themselves at once on Christ 



MRS. ANGrELINE B. SEARS. 



63 



for salvation, save a world of toil and suffering. 
Such continue to labor with increased zeal and 
energy; but they prove the truth of those 
words, 

" Labor is rest, and pain is sweet, 
If thou, my God, art here." 

"To work for Jesus, 0 how sweet! To wish 
to do something for my best Friend, how natu- 
ral!" exclaimed one who had just entered the 
rest of faith. 

When Christ was upon earth, he never said 
to one who came to him for healing, "You 
have not wept, and prayed, and repented 
enough. Stay till you have felt more pain of 
heart. Go and fit yourself, and then come and 
receive your request." His language was, " Be- 
lievest thou that I am able to do this? And, 
again, "He that believeth shall be saved." 
"Fear not; only believe." "Said I not unto 
thee, that if thou wouldst believe, thou shouldst 
see the glory of God ?" " When the comforter 
is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and 
of righteousness, and of judgment. Of sin, 
because they believe not on me." He upbraided 
his disciples with their "unbelief, and hardness 
of heart," and " he could not do many mighty 
works" where there was great unbelief. 



64 



MEMOIRS OF 



But the perplexed soul is apt to inquire, 
"What shall I believe?" "Abraham believed 
God." Let us do this, and we shall find that 
"He is faithful that promised." 

A merchant called on one deeply indebted to 
him, and demanded payment. "I am not able 
to pay." "But it is a just debt, and you must 
pay it." "Yes, it is a just claim; but I cannot 
pay you, for I have nothing wherewith to pay." 
" Nothing with which to pay ! Well, I have a 
mind, then, to give you the debt ;" adding, after a 
pause, "You are welcome to it:" and turned to 
withdraw. "This is an unexpected kindness," 
said the debtor; "I thank you sincerely — but 
suppose, as you forgive the debt, that you take 
this pen and cross out the account." "Never 
mind that, you have my word, which is suffi- 
cient." "But, if you please, I would rather see 
the account crossed." "But do you doubt my 
word ?" "I should not doubt it, but that the 
debt is so large, and the claim so just, and I 
am so unworthy of this great favor." "But if 
you doubt my word," said the creditor, "I 
must retract. I cannot remit such a claim 
against one who will question my veracity." 
The debtor paused a moment, casting about in 
his mind that the merchant was proverbial for 



MRS. ANG-ELIXE B. SEARS. 



65 



integrity, as well as for benevolence, and, burst- 
ing into tears of gratitude, he exclaimed, "Sir, 
I do believe you, and care not whether the ac- 
count is crossed or not." The creditor then 
seized the pen, and crossed the account. 

How natural it is for man thus to entreat 
God, insisting that pardon and cleansing shall 
go before, and faith or trust follow after; but 
God expects us to believe and be saved, rather 
than be saved and believe. The simplicity of 
faith is that at which many sincere souls stum- 
ble ; as it is written, * But Israel, which fol- 
lowed after the law of righteousness, hath not 
attained to the law of righteousness. Where- 
fore ? Because they sought it not by faith, but, 
as it were, by the works of the law. For they 
stumbled at that stumbling-stone," Rom. ix, 31, 
32. Thus did the subject of this memoir, till 
about one year before her death. Few were 
ever more sincere, laborious, and self-denying, 
than she was — few more consistent in all out- 
ward and inward religion, so far as this could 
be, without living, in the Scripture sense, "a 
life of faith on the Son of God." 



5 



66 



MEMOIRS OF 



CHAPTER VII. 

Her marriage — Journey — Unexpected plan of life — Letter to her 

parents — Mount Holyoke — Letters — To her sisters, C and 

E To her sister E To her mother. 

Mrs. Sears was married to Rev. Clinton W. 
Sears, June 1. 1842, and, with him, immedi- 
ately started on a long journey north and east- 
ward. Her marriage outfit was prepared with 
strict reference to her Christian character and 
future destiny in life — in good taste ; but with 
great simplicity, and with due regard to econo- 
my. During her journey, she evinced no dimi- 
nution of zeal for the honor of her Savior. In 
every place she sought out His friends, and in 
several instances was greatly edified by associ- 
ating with those who, as she said, "were filled 
with faith and the Holy Ghost." The same con- 
scientious attention to duty — the same self-sac- 
rificing spirit, resolutely yielding up her own 
will whenever she thought the interests of 
Christ's cause could, in any way, be promoted 
by it, were still manifested. While in the 
bounds of the Genesee conference, her husband 
was cordially invited to become a member of 
that body. With him she carefully considered 



MRS. ARGELINE B. SEARS. 



67 



the proposal, and came to the conclusion that 
such a measure would, probably, promote his 
usefulness; and though it would preclude the 
possibility of her immediate return home, and 
thus separate her, unexpectedly, from her fam- 
ily, she unhesitatingly gave her consent, and 
soon after wrote to her parents a letter, setting 
forth her feelings on this subject. She says: 
'•'And now I feel that I have indeed bid 

adieu to my home; for Mr. S has about 

concluded to join this conference at its next 
session, beginning Aug. 30th. I have thought 
over all the reasons for and against returning 
to Ohio, and, after considering the whole, think 
it, perhaps, better that we should remain here, 
though the trial will be great. X o prospect of 
seeing home again — this thought I cannot dwell 
on — but am trying to get imbued with the 

JO o 

proper spirit, for the discharge of those duties 
incident to the life I expect to live." 

This letter also describes scenes of interest, 
which she had visited on her journey; and as 
its style is characteristic, and exhibits some to- 
kens of that vivacity which belonged to her 
natural disposition, we insert another extract 
from it, which was published in the Ladies' Re- 
pository, without her knowledge at the time. 



68 



MEMOIRS OF 



" From Northampton we went to Mount Hol- 
yoke, three miles east of that place. The 
ascent is steep and rough. About two-thirds 
of the way up we left the carriage, turned our 
horses out, hitched them to trees, and walked 
to the summit. It was very fatiguing, but amus- 
ing withal. There happened to be a number 
of visitors, some ascending, some descending — 
young gentleman dragging young ladies down 
the steep, with the rolling stones giving way 
under their feet, and they begging and plead- 
ing to be permitted to help themselves. 

"We reached the summit, panting for breath, 
but immediately forgot our fatigue in transport 
with the — what shall I call it ? — scene — view — 
panorama? All are too hackneyed words to 
apply here. For beauty, grandeur, variety, ex- 
tent, it surpasses— is transcendently superior to 
any one scene I ever beheld. The mountain 
itself is eleven hundred feet above ocean level. 
The summit is cleared for an acre or two. 
Large rocks lie all about in wild confusion. An 
old house, all open and weather-beaten, stands 
there, with the names of — if the poet wrote 
truth — hundreds of fools carved on the floor, 
sides, door lintels, etc., whose only immortality 
is to be seen in public places. We took our 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



09 



seat upon large rocks, overlooking an extent of 
eighty miles. I was reminded of the exclama- 
tion of the Arab chief, when lie reached the 
summit of the hills surrounding Damascus. 
'The extent of his view was about ten miles/ 
says the traveler. 'I have heard.' said this 
chief, 'that there is but one heaven — I will not 
enter there, lest I should never find another.' 

"As I have no graphic powers, I shall not 
presume to attempt a description; but will try 
to give a kind of inventory of what I saw. 
First, apparently at the foot of the mountain — 
the distance is one and a half miles — is the 
beautiful, tranquil Connecticut, reminding one 
of Fenelon's description of Calypso's grotto. 
After describing several streams, sporting in the 
plain, he says, 'Others, after a long circuit, 
turned back, as if they wished to reascend to 
their source, and seemed unwilling to quit these 
enchanting- shores.' So glides and winds this 
lovely Connecticut. It is seen for miles. I 
discovered seven or eight turns. Its banks are 
skirted with the most luxuriant foliage, cultiva- 
tion, and multitudes, almost, of villages. From 
the mountain in front, Northampton seems to 
lie almost at the beholder's feet, though on the 
opposite side of the river. At the right, sev- 



10 



MEMOIRS OF 



eral miles distant, is South Hadley, lying on a 
kind of peninsula, formed by a curve of the 
river. The principal street extends across so 
as to meet the river at each end. The street is 
very straight, and lined with large trees. These 
are the two nearest villages. Then, in the dis- 
tance is Amherst, farther east ; and about south- 
west lies New Haven, where 'East and West 
Rock • are visible — distance, eighty miles, as we 
were informed. Springfield, Hatfield, and nu- 
merous others, numbering thirty-six towns, are 
viewed from this point, which lie scattered over 
the apparent plain; though, in fact, the whole 
country, except some flats lying on the Connec- 
ticut, is broken and undulating; and, not far 
from Mount Holyoke, Mount Thorn, or Tom, as 
it is pronounced, rises up in bold relief. 

" I don't know how to give you an idea of the 
flats, which are under the highest degree of 
cultivation. Their crops are planted in strips, 
instead of irregular fields as ours. In riding 
along in our approach to the mountain, we ob- 
served this feature — now a long strip of corn, 
and then a strip of wheat, yellowing for the 
harvest; then a strip of clover or grass; then 
of some grain or other, in constant succession, 
without fences. The road seemed to be passing 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS 



11 



through a farmer's cornfield. This, when seen 
from the height of Holyoke, looked like a 
mathematical programm ; or a Michigan spec- 
ulator's plan of some great Babylon, which 
his castle-building, prolific brain had reared; 
or like the country gentlewoman's pride — a 
beautiful piece of patchwork; or like — I am 
not apt at comparison, you know: so I must 
despair of giving you any thing like a just 
conception of the living reality. 

"Beyond the flats, the gently sloping hills 
arise. Those that are cleared of their native 
forest are under a good state of cultivation, 
with here and there an isolated tree, or a 
small group of trees, interspersed over them, 
at graceful distances. Then still beyond rise 
the mountains, covered with impenetrable for- 
ests, presenting every shade of luxuriant foli- 
age—every variety, or, rather, a great variety 
of fantastic figures, formed by the summits 
upon the horizon. The day was clear ; but an 
occasional cloud, passing over the face of the 
sun, threw its shade on the fields below, the 
effect of which was very beautiful. I was 
never before placed in a position from which 
I could see the whole cloud— its erect form; 
but here it lay like a vail on the face of 



MEMOIRS OF 



sleeping beauty, with brightness and splendor 
beaming all around. Upon our first glance 
at the boundless scene, some one of our com- 
pany remarked: 'I would rather have seen 
this than Niagara/ But between the two 
there are no points of resemblance, any more 
than between a terrific thunder-storm and a 
calm, peaceful, summer evening. This com- 
bined all the beautiful — some of the sublime; 
but it wanted Niagara's cataract, and Niag- 
ara's roar; while Niagara, with its cataract 
and roar, and many romantic beauties, wants 
variety, extent, and mellowness. Indeed, anal- 
ogy fails. The two are as unlike as the emo- 
tions which each produces. 

"After looking, admiring, exclaiming, mus- 
ing, perhaps as long as I have been scribbling, 
and it will take you to decipher it, we began 
to think of getting down — a descent which we 
dreaded as much as Mr, Buckingham and his 
company did theirs from Cheops. So we com- 
menced the Herculean task, in Indian file. By 
slipping, stumbling, and scrambling sometimes, 
we gained the base, right glad that we were 
all sound, though tired out." 

In her father's house, Mrs. Sears had been 
"a living epistle, known and read of all;" and 



MRS. AXGELINE B. SEARS. 



13 



now that she could no longer, by word and 
example, persuade her friends, she employed 
her pen. The following letters, addressed to 
her younger sisters, will show her concern, 
and her manner of urging them to be "re- 
conciled to God :" 

" Middletown, Conn., Aug. 3, 1842. 
"My Dear Caroline and Eliza, — I address 
you together, because what I have to say to 
one will measurably apply to both. I feel 
very dull this morning, and if my letter is so, 
it will only be an outward expression of feeling 
within, 

"The spirit of yours, Caroline, was truly 
mournful; but I think I know you are mis- 
taken as to the cause of your discontent. It 
is what I have frequently told you : there is no 
permanent happiness or peace for the mind 
until it is fixed in its great Source — until 
the affections are centred upon God. ' Godli- 
ness with contentment is great gain.' I have 
thought I felt a great deal lately for you 
both — for your spiritual state. Suppose it 
were true, that the coming of Christ is as 
near at hand as next year — what would you 
do ? I wish you both to decide in your minds — 
ivhat would you do? I have no doubt you 



74 



MEMOIRS OF 



are ready to say, that, if this were true, you 
would forsake a trifling world, and seek the 
forgiveness of your sins ; you would flee to 
Christ for refuge. Yes, you know that not 
one thing from which you now derive pleasure 
could then give you aid. 0, my sisters, let 
me exhort you again to make your peace 
with God! Surely, you must be convinced 
that nothing besides can satisfy you now ; and 
nothing besides can stand you in the hour of 
death or judgment. Eternity may be much 
nearer to you than is the next year. If, then, 
you would think it important to prepare to 
meet your God next year, how much more 
important to be ready now ! 

"But I would not place the fear of pun- 
ishment before you as the only, or the prime 
motive for seeking the salvation of your souls. 
No, I would rather point you to the sufferings of 
our dear Savior — his humility, his poverty, his 
temptations, his agony, his death — his death 
for you and me. What love was there ! Noth- 
ing but love was written on all his acts — his 
words. Can we not 'love him because lie first 
loved us?' You know that you experience 
pleasure, and sometimes even delight, in the 
consciousness of loving another: how much 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



15 



greater bliss in the consciousness of loving 
him who is the very author of love — who is 
love ! And then a consciousness of his favor — 
with that you could feel secure and happy, if 
you were to awake at midnight, and behold 
the dead rising, and the world in flames. If 
you have the favor of God, you are his chil- 
dren, and nothing shall be able to harm you. 
Will you still refuse to seek him ? Or do you 
ask, 'How shall I seek him?' Simply give 
him your heart. Do not say you cannot, but 
determine to try, and pray that you may have 
desires put into your hearts. Christ said, 'If 
ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to 
your children, how much more will your heav- 
enly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that 
ash him P Then how will he not with himself 
'freely give us all things?' In bestowing him- 
self he has given the greatest gift: will he re- 
fuse any thing less ? 

"Do not look about you, and say, this or 
that professing Christian has such or such 
faults, or does such and such things. If 
there is not one whose life is what it should 
be, that does not, in the least, affect your 
obligations. Take your Bibles to find the way 
of life and truth. I know my letter will not 



MEMOIRS OF 



be as entertaining or as acceptable as though 
I had filled it with news of the day; but I 
feel that the subject which I have urged is 
the most important one to you. I am re- 
solved to know more of the joys of religion 
myself than I have ever known, and to try 
to bring honor to God by the improvement 
of them. 

" Your affectionate sister, 

" Angellne." 

to her sister eliza. 

"Rochester, N. Y., Sept. 3, 1842. 
" My Dear E., — I have had a line from you 
but once; but I do not intend scolding you, 
for I know that you have a particular aversion 
to writing. My object in writing to you now, 
is to urge higher claims than mine upon you — 
those claims which a Savior has acquired by 
the shedding of his blood for you. When I 
think of the brevity and uncertainty of life, 
I am astonished that objects of sense should 
ever absorb our attention. My dear E., I 
know not where to begin, or what to say. I 
have so often tried, to the best of my ability, 
to press this important subject upon you, that 
I know not that I can offer any additional 
reasons why you should seek the Lord. The 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



11 



favor of God alone can secure safety and hap- 
piness. What would not the sinner give for 
this in the day of His wrath, much as he 
contemns it now ! But I would not dwell 
upon the terror of that awful day; but rather 
upon the love of God, manifested in the gift 
of Christ for our redemption. 0 could we 
properly view the plan which is wrought out 
for our salvation, how quickly should we yield 
ourselves to be saved ! In looking at this sub- 
ject, I fear you are apt to associate the imper- 
fections of those that profess the religion of 
Christ with this religion. You should leave 
every thing but the Gospel, and your wants 
to be met in that Gospel through the merits 
of Christ. Go to him with the feeling, 

f Other refuge have I none — 
Hangs mj helpless soul on thee/ 

Read the tender expressions of Jesus, made at 
different times, and regard them as addressed 
directly from his lips to you — as though you 
were the only sinner to whom they were 
spoken. 'Him that cometh unto me I will 
in no wise cast out? 'Come unto me all ye 
that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give 
you rest.' Consider by whom these words 
were spoken: by Him to whom the elements 



IS 



MEMOIRS OF 



are subject, who commands the tempest, who 
is the director of the seasons, who openeth his 
liberal hand, and supplieth the wants of every 
living thing, and who will soon appear in 
majesty to judge the world. My dear sister, 
but one thing is necessary, and that is, to 
secure the favor and love of the Savior. 0 
that you may directly commence the work ! 

"How happy is that mind that feels that it 
is at peace with God! How happy to be at 
rest from anxieties after the foolish honors 
and pleasures of the world — at rest from the 
fear of death — at rest from dread of judg- 
ment — at rest in Christ, knowing that God, 
for Christ's sake, has canceled all its sins! 
Yes, for Christ's sake alone; through his merits, 
not our fancied ones, are we accepted ; and be- 
cause Christ lives, we shall live also. 

"Consider this subject coolly, rationally; 
and beseech the Lord to 'circumcise your 
heart, that you may love him with all your 
heart.' What, love God! This looks as im- 
possible as to 'remove mountains.' So it is. 
But he has found a way by which every heart 
may be so changed as to love him as certainly as 
it now loves carnal things. That way is pointed 
out in the Gospel. 0 that you may find it! 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS, *79 

It is like a field containing goodly pearls, 
'which, when a man found, he sold all that 
he had to buy it/ It is more than an equiv- 
alent for all we could possess of earth; and 
in the world to come it is everlasting life. 
Everlasting life! Read in the Revelation a 
description of the heaven in which that life is 
to be spent. All that we can imagine of all 
the beauty, splendor, and loveliness of earth, 
with all its gems congregated, cannot com- 
pare with the description of that bright world. 
And then this life is never-ending. Is not this 
a sufficient inducement to you to seek it ? 

"But then we are assured that our siqireme 
happiness will be in beholding Him who pur- 
chased this life for us. If we neglect to secure 
these joys, will it not be just for God to cast 
us away from his presence for ever? Let this 
henceforth be your chief business. Take the 
word of God for your counsel. When you 
read, pray earnestly that the Holy Spirit may 
open your spiritual eyes to behold wonderful 
things in his law, and you will be astonished 
at the beauties you behold. 0 that God's 
Spirit may accompany the unworthy letter of 
"Your affectionate sister, 

" Angeline." 



80 



MEMOIRS OF 



The following letter, written to her mother, 
also, August 3, 1842, shows more definitely 
her own religious state : 

"My Dear Ma, — We went to New Haven 
the day we wrote you last, where we spent the 
remainder of the week. We spent the time 

with some Methodist friends. Sister C 

has enjoyed religion a number of years; but 
about three years since she experienced entire 
sanctification, and still enjoys it. Her theme 
is a Savior's love. She was stirred up to seek 
a pure heart by hearing a sermon from the 
text, 'And I was afraid,' from the parable of 
the talents. The preacher described the va- 
rious ways in which professing Christians ex- 
cuse themselves from the discharge of duty, 
through fear — fear of man — fear of self — fear 
of not doing in a proper manner, etc. ; and the 
consequence was, that that servant was bound 
and cast into outer darkness. She felt that 
the sermon was addressed to her. Timidity 
was her great hinderance. She immediately 
concluded that the only way to overcome it, 
was to seek to give herself wholly to the 
Lord. She did so; and 'such a blessing and 
glory descended into my soul,' said she, 'as 
had not entered into my heart to conceive. 



MRS. ANGELINA B. SEARS. 



81 



Crosses which had appeared as mountains, be- 
came as plains ; Jesus was with me in my do- 
mestic affairs, however vexatious; and when I 
thought my heavenly Father was about to re- 
move my beloved child from earth, though once 
I thought a heavier affliction could not befall 
me, now I said, in perfect submission, ' Thy will 
be done.' 

"This is but a specimen of the conversations 
she held w r hile I was with her. Her views of 
Divine love are very expansive. She feels truly 
that in Omnipotence is her strength. 0 how 
blessed to feel that self, our greatest foe, is en- 
tirely gone, and that Christ reigns supreme 
within us ! My conceptions of the plan of sal- 
vation are strengthened by hearing her con- 
verse ; and I was much encouraged ; for her 
natural temperament, I think, is very much like 
mine. If, then, grace has done this for her, 
may it not accomplish as much in me ? Cer- 
tainly it may. I feel more and more assured 
that I shall not be able to do any thing for the 
glory of God, until I am fully consecrated to 
his service. My enjoyments — my faith, grati- 
tude, and love, are fluctuating continually; and, 
except I get my feet established in the ways of 

holiness, I cannot honor mv Redeemer with a 
6 



Si 



MEMOIRS OF 



consistent life. Since the blessing I received in 
the country, of which I wrote you in Mr. 
S 's letter, I have suffered strong tempta- 
tions, doubts, etc. At times I felt as though 
the enemy would overcome me ; and then the 
fullness and certainty of the promises would 
flow into my mind, and for a moment I would 
take hold of them and receive comfort — then 
unbelief would rise up in its strength. So I 
have lived till Sabbath afternoon, when I heard 

brother S preach from, 'There hath no 

temptation taken you, but such as is common 
to man,' etc. I was again comforted. My 
purpose is fixed ; and though my faith is weak, 
yet I know I have nowhere else to go. 

' This all my hope, and all my plea, 
For me the Savior died/ 

" We found here your thrice welcome letter. 
I am rejoiced to find that you have increasing 
strength and delight in the service of God. 
Nothing is so important, and, when properly 
viewed, so desirable as holiness, for without it 
we cannot see the Lord. Those who know 
most of the deep things of God, say that the 
delights are ever varying, ever new. Then our 
time is short. A moment's space may hurry us 
into the realities of eternity. How should we 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



83 



be up and doing, and be careful that all our 
words and acts should, in some way, tend to 
the honor and praise of our Redeemer ! 

"I sometimes feel deeply depressed when I 
think of my many defections from duty in my 
family ; and though I remember our intercourse, 
especially for the last four months, with some 
pleasure, yet I know I have not always dis- 
charged my duty to you. But I know you 
look with charity at my faults, and, wherein I 
have failed, forgive. 

"I am anxious to get settled, where I can 
have my regular, undisturbed seasons for devo- 
tion, and where I hope to be made of some use 
to some class of my fellow-beings. I deeply 

regret that Mrs. R is not in the enjoyment 

of a Savior's love. How can she be satisfied 
with the world's trifling toys? She cannot, 
surely, have a correct view of the plan of 
salvation. Too many look upon religion as 
a necessary evil, instead of a supreme good. 
How ungrateful it is to view the only plan which 
a God of love could devise to save us, in such 
a light! What an evidence this of our lost 
condition ! My love and gratitude to pa. 
"Your unworthy but affectionate 

"Angeline." 



84 



MEMOIRS OF 



CHAPTER YIIL 

Commencement of itinerancy — Fidelity — Attachment to the 
work— Residence at Vienna — Revival — Visit to Cincinnati- 
Letters to her husband — Sabbath traveling — Residence at Pen 
Yan — Letters to her mother — To her sister — To Mrs. Rev, C, 
Brooks — Transfer to Ohio conference. 

Mrs. Sears now commenced, with her hus- 
band, an itinerant life. She had counted the 
cost, and her purpose was fixed to attempt all > 
its duties, and encounter all its trials, as far as jj 
she might be enabled, with fidelity and meek- j 
ness. We have seen that she started, and, as , 
we trace her steps, we shall find that she also 
proceeded, tremblingly; yet she was undevi- 
ating in her course. She often almost sunk : 
under the trial ; yet she always made the effort 
to take up and bear the cross. She never com- I 
plained of the suffering she endured in these 
efforts— never said, "I cannot do such and such 
duties," because "the cross is so heavy, and 
I am so timid;" her only complaint was, "I 
am not worthy to stand out as a laborer for 
Christ — I need more grace." All the pain she 
seemed to feel, in the performance of any relig- I 
ious service, arose from the conviction that she | 
had not sought and obtained the fitness to be 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



85 



thus employed. Even her feeble health was 
never made an excuse to shun painful duties. 

During her absence from her parents, she 
was several times very ill. On these occasions 
her fortitude was unflinching, and her husband 
was never suffered to spend an hour with her 
in the omission of his ministerial or pastoral 
duties. She was, in a peculiar sense, devoted 
to the work of the ministry, and in all things 
manifested a particular regard for all who 
were engaged in that work. She always spoke 
of the preachers' wives as her sisters, with a 
tone of emphasis expressive of the most affec- 
tionate interest in them. During the time that 
her husband was associated with the Genesee 
conference, she denied herself the relief of ordi- 
nary assistance in her household toils. When 
chidden by a friend for thus unnecessarily taxing 
her physical energies, she gave some slight rea- 
sons, and then, in a low voice, said, "Many of 
! my sisters [the ministers' wives] are compelled to 
live in this way, and I prefer to fare with them" 
But to her family, or her friends, the comforts 
of her habitation were not diminished by this 
lack of domestic aid. Every thing in her 
dwelling bore the stamp of neatness, order, 
and taste. Her table furnished a model of 



MEMOIRS OF 



Christian economy and comfort. It was a rule 
which she rigidly observed, never to permit the 
expenditures of her family to exceed the annual 
provision made for her husband by his charge ; 
and yet the guest at the parsonage which she 
occupied, found himself more comfortably and 
agreeably entertained than he often was in the 
abodes of luxury and splendor. 

Discretion was a prominent trait in her char- 
acter. She seldom offended with her tongue, 
because "in her mouth was the law of kind- 
ness/*' The severity with which she judged 
herself, led her to think charitably of all others, 
and the assiduity with which she attended to 
her own business, precluded her interfering with 
matters which did not belong to her. Her 
fidelity in visiting the sick and poor, in the 
various stations to which her husband was ap- 
pointed, and the impartial regard she manifested 
for all the members of his flock, without respect 
to condition or station, secured for her the con- 
fidence and affection of all classes. 

The first appointment of Mr. Sears was Vi- 
enna, N. Y., where a glorious revival crowned 
his labors. Mrs. S. WTote to her mother a 
minute and interesting account of this revival. 
She rejoiced in this early proof of God's ap- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 8*7 

probation of her husband's efforts in the work 
of the ministry, and in the salvation of precious 
souls, who came by scores to the altar of the 
Lord; and she labored with untiring zeal to 
promote the work, seeming to say, 

"Ixo cross, no suffering I decline;" 

yet she complained of great coldness of heart. 
Perhaps her habit of self-accusation was never 
more strongly manifested than in the following 
extracts, which, when taken in connection with 
her faithful efforts to promote the cause of her 
Savior, give great force to the remark, "One 
single act of faith carries the soul farther than 
years of painful toiling without it." She says: 
" My Dear Ma, — Truly it would seem that 
there are indications that these are 'the last 
days/ The Spirit of the Lord is everywhere 
being poured out — sinners plucked as brands 
from the burning. Even my cold heart says, 
'The Lord's name be praised!' For a number 
of days past I have felt much burdened in ref- 
erence to my family, especially to Caroline, 
Eliza, and Bithia.* I have wept and prayed for 
them, that they may be turned from the folly 
and vanity of the world, and find happiness and 



*Her sisters. 



88 



MEMOIRS OF 



safety in Christ. My husband's faithful la- 
bors — for such I may call them— are certainly 
being blest; though he will not acknowledge 
himself an instrument, but says he wishes to 
hide himself, and God only appear as source, 
means, and end ; which is right. He has been 
bold and uncompromising in declaring the coun- 
sel of God— has not spared the lofty sinner, 
while the lowest and most degraded have duly 
shared attention. There are many of both 
classes in the congregation. 

"Before our meeting was commenced, he 
preached a few sermons to the Church, and 
began his labor of visiting, warning sinners, and 
stirring up the formal. He then called a meet- 
ing of the Church, and asked each one in rela- 
tion to his state, and discharge of duty — such 
as secret prayer, family altar, etc. — and then 
put the question, ' Are you ready to talk to sin- 
ners in relation to their souls V Some thought 
they were; others said not. Some confessed 
their sins, etc. Well, the consequence is, that 
the Church is waking up. Some have been 
sanctified wholly ; a number of backsliders re- 
claimed ; and now the world seems to be awa- 
kened to a sense of their condition. To go into 
the church every morning, a person would sup- 



MRS, ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



89 



pose himself in a crowded city congregation, in- 
stead of that of a village of a few hundred peo- 
ple. And they do not come to hear overpow- 
ering eloquence— not 'enticing words of man's 
wisdom;' but the voice of the Spirit of God 
speaks directly to the sinner. Some Episco- 
palians and Presbyterians seem as much inter- 
ested as any in the meetings. The minister 
of the latter is often with us. Many of his 
members also attend, and speak, and pray, and 
labor ; while members of their families present 
themselves at the altar for prayers. Last even- 
ing three children of a member of another 
Church were forward — fashionable, high-head- 
ed girls — and their father knelt and prayed for 
them. After the altar is surrounded, and the 
seats in front filled, the body slips are cleared, 
and sometimes more than half filled with 
mourners. Our morning meetings, which be- 
gin at ten o'clock, or a little after, and fre- 
quently continue till two, or later in the after- 
noon, are most interesting. The house is not 
so full as in the evening, though the lower part 
is well filled for comfort. This morning there 
were twelve conversions— several heads of fam- 
ilies. And the young speak the praises of the 
Savior. At five a meeting is held for conver- 



90 



MEMOIRS OF 



sation with those who wish to converse in the 
^lass-room. At six a general prayer meeting 
is held in the body of the church; at seven 
preaching. During the intervals from morning 

meeting till five, Mr. S visits from house 

to house. Sometimes brother C and he 

go together; at others, they separate to differ- 
ent parts of the village; so that I scarce see 
them all day long, except in meeting. Last 

night, while Mr. S was exhorting below, 

brother C broke out in the gallery in a 

feeling exhortation, and invited mourners into 
the class-room, which was soon filled. After 
all, there are scoffers and idle spectators, but 
they stay till the last. 

"I am the same poor, miserable, doubting, 
fearful, and unbelieving wretch; all the while 
condemned for not doing my duty, or else 
tempted and discouraged when I attempt to 
do it. I often tremble lest I shall share the 
lot of the servant who, when rendering his 
account, said, * I was afraid !' O when shall I 
see the hour in which the spirit of life and 
health, and liberty of the Gospel, is fully 
planted in me — when no fear but the fear 
of God shall find an entrance into my heart! 
I frequently weep over my multitude of faults, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



01 



and unfitnesses for the place I occupy, and fear 

lest I prove only a hinderance to Mr. S . 

So much shrinking from duty — or, if I attempt 
to bear the cross, it is with so much faltering 
as to destroy all the good which might other- 
wise be accomplished. And then mortified 
pride, and temptation, like a flood, overwhelm 
my spirit ; and, if it were not for a little grace, 
and the boundless love of a Savior, I should 
make shipwreck of faith. Yet I frequently 
have visions of the loveliness of Christ, and 
the beauty of his plan for saving a guilty 
world, and my spirit begins to soar — to grasp 
the heights of redeeming love — when lo, all 
my fearfulness and timidity return, it seems 
with redoubled force, to reduce me to more 
certain bondage, and I feel as the apostle did 
when he said, '0 wretched man that I am!' 
Thus it is with me as nearly as I can describe. 
I have said so much that you may know the 
better how to pray for me. My hour is nine 
o'clock, though I cannot always be punctual, 
owing to various interruptions." 

During the following summer her health be- 
came so bad that a journey was deemed neces- 
sary ; and leaving her husband to attend to his 
pastoral charge, she returned, with such com- 



92 



MEMOIRS OF 



pany as she could obtain, to her father's house. 
Immediately after reaching home, she wrote to 
Mr. S a circumstantial account of her jour- 
ney, in which she says, "I have done one thing 
which I know will grieve my dear husband : I 
have traveled on Sabbath, though I had deter- 
mined not to do it." She then describes the 
efforts she made to avoid it, and the reasons 
which induced her, in her enfeebled state, to 
continue with her company, who would not be 
persuaded to lie by, and the pain she had suf- 
fered during the day. She states that she said 
so much on the subject that one of the com- 
pany became offended. " I assured the lady," 
she adds, "that I intended to censure no one 
but myself ; that I did not wish to bind her con- 
science if she felt that she was doing right; 
but that I did not think I was, and no circum- 
stances should ever again lead me into such a 
step. I spent the day reading the Bible, tracts, 
etc., and praying and conversing, as well as I 
could under the circumstances; but it was an 
unhappy day ; and, beside the condemnation of 
breaking the Sabbath, I knew that I should 
have the disapprobation of my dear husband. 
You will forgive, will you not? and say noth- 
ing about it there — not to cover my sins, but 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



93 



for the example's sake. At Newark a 'canal 
missionary ' came on the boat, and had prayers. 
He asked me if I traveled on Sabbath. I told 
him I did, and how I felt about it." 

In this letter she expresses great concern 
that some of her friends are yet out of the ark 
of safety. "Ma and myself,'' she says, "have 
a season of prayer soon after breakfast every 
morning, in which they are special subjects of 
remembrance." 

The following is an extract from another let- 
ter to her husband. It bears date 

"Cincinnati, Aug. 18, 1843. 

"I feel comfortable in body this morning, 
and some hunger and thirst in my soul for new 
and greater blessings. How is it with you, my 
love? I am enjoying the blissful certainty that 
you are a son of God — a chosen one, through 
the Beloved. Ma and myself have just had 
our morning season of prayer. I had been 
preparing for it by a careful reading of a por- 
tion of the word. My soul struggled, and 1 
was overwhelmed by the thought, Can it be 
by mere simple faith that I may inherit the 
promises ? But I did not quite get a firm hold. 
0 how vacillating my heart ! how hard to take 
God at his word ! 



94 



MEMOIRS OF 



"I had a delightful and profitable visit at 
sister Taylor's, a day or two since. She is as 
triumphant as ever — I think more so. She 
seems to be altogether in advance of where she 
was when I left Cincinnati. She said, ' I thank 
my blessed Savior, I know that grace has had 
a perfect triumph in my soul. I experience 
the witness of it from day to day.' She told 
me some of her temptations, which encouraged 
me much ; for I found, to my surprise, that she 
has such as are common to me." 

Mr. Sears' second appointment was Pen Yan, 
a very pleasant station, at a considerable dis- 
tance from the former. In her first letter from 
her new home, she gives her mother a minute 
account of her furniture, of their dwelling, and 
of their manner of life. 

The following extract from this letter is 
tinged with a hue of playfulness, which was 
natural to her, though seldom indulged in after 
her conversion ; yet her conscientious regard 
for the cause she had espoused, and the self- 
sacrificing spirit she carried out in every thing, 
will be discerned in it : 

"Dear Ma, — We have almost got settled 
in the monotonous routine of housekeeping. 
We rise before daylight, and sometimes break- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



fast by the lamp. Mr. Sears reads, while we, 
Caroline [her sister then staying with her] 
and I, busy us in getting breakfast — as baked 
potatoes, meat, cold bread usually, and cold 
water. The visit of a minister, a few days ago, 
called forth the first cup of coffee we have had. 

C does admirably without coffee, taking a 

baked potato instead. We get no dinners, but 
lunch, and eat — not take tea — just before night. 
A woman washes for me once in two weeks; 
otherwise we are our own servants. 

"I have tried to make prudent expenditures 
in the purchase of furniture ; but I have thought, 
since the purchase of one article — a small solar 
lamp — that it hardly becomes our situation, and 
the example we should set, though it is not a 
superfluity." 

At the close of the notice she gives of her 
furniture, she says, in much perplexity, "What 
is duty? All these things are a great care to 
me. I have tired you with the recital, and my 
arm aches with it as your eyes may. 

"I find here a considerably refined, intelli- 
gent society — have received several calls, out 
of the Church as well as in — but have not 
returned any; for I scarce go out of "the house 
from Sabbath to Sabbath, except to female 

i 



96 



MEMOIRS OF 



prayer meeting, class, etc. My own spiritual 
state is low ; I get some aspirations, but 

f Weak is the effort of my heart, 
And cold my warmest thought.' 

The cause of it I know. I have allowed do 
mestic cares to push aside secret seasons of 
devotion ; there has been a want of watchful- 
ness and prayer, giving up to care-taking, and 
even an impatient spirit. Now, can the Savior 
dwell in such a heart? But I repent and 
resolve ; sin, repent, and resolve again, until all 
confidence in myself is lost. And yet, whither 
shall I go? He alone hath the words of eter- 
nal life — of establishing grace." 

But while she thus wrote "bitter things 
against herself," she was not unmindful of the 
spiritual interests of her friends, as will be 
shown by the following to her sister Bithia: 

"Write to me all about your spiritual state, 
experience, and desires. There are great enjoy- 
ments in communion with God, for the loss of 
which naught of the world can make up. Seek 
these in deadness to the world and sin, and you 
will realize happiness of which your heart has 
never conceived." 

In a postscript to the above she addresses 
her sister Eliza : 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



91 



"Where art thou? Sleeping in spiritual 
death, or awake and pressing after a heavenly 
crown, in the heavenly race ? 0 how trifling 
and empty are all creature sources of enjoy- 
ment! But this you know, and you are con- 
vinced that in God alone you can find full sat- 
isfaction for your mind — that the Savior is 
worthy of all your heart." 

A letter, the commencement of which is 
dated "Pen Yan, March 26, 1844," to her in- 
timate friend, Mrs. Rev. C. Brooks, will farther 
indicate her state of mind and manner of life 
at this period : 

" My Dear Mary, — I had long been wish- 
ing to know your address, and had once written 
to Cincinnati inquiring. I thought, on recep- 
tion of yours, that I would lose no time in re- 
plying to it; but C was then absent, and 

all the little household cares rested upon me, 
which, though neither very numerous nor oner- 
ous, rather unfitted me for the spirit of writing. 

I am very glad to hear of brother B 's 

improved health. 

"April 2. — Interruptions will come to house- 
keepers, you know. I am still struggling with 
the world, the flesh, and the devil; and, re- 
cently, have seemed to gain no victories. Car- 
7 



98 



MEMOIRS OF 



nal nature strives hard to break out in open 
rebellion; and I have but little of that faith 
which overcometh present difficulties. Indeed, 
such is, at least, the apparent dominion of sin 
over me, that I often fear I have none of the 
spirit of Christ; and then comes the conclu- 
sion — 'I am none of his/ My spirit struggles 
thus this morning, but am trying, perseveringly, 
to look to Him who alone hath the gift of grace 
by which I may triumph. 

"We have, in many respects, a pleasant 
charge—a Tillage of between two and three 
thousand people. There is much, however, in 
the Church which ought not to be — much of 
every spirit but the spirit of Christ. But there 
are some whose garments are undefiled, and 
whose life is hid with Christ in God — salt which 
has not lost its savor. There have been some 
conversions among us during the winter; about 
twenty in our own Church in the village, and 
as many in a little neighborhood, where Mr. 
S has been laboring for a few davs. 

"I don't know what I should do with as 
many little home cares as you have — my 
friends would seldom have the pain or pleasure 
of hearing from me, I'm sure. 

"How do I like housekeeping? Its pleas- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



99 



ures I am much pleased with: its cares, I 
would, if practicable, escape. But, as in this 
life 

'Each pleasure hath its poison too/ 
I am obliged to take all as they come. With 
both you are probably well acquainted. I 
would be delighted to have you step in, not to 
see the exquisite order of my domestic arrange- 
ments, but for the pleasure of entertaining you 
in my own plain little home. Thus far I have 
kept no hired help, save washing. Caroline 
has performed her part well — twice attempted 
the office of pastry cook, and succeeded ad- 
mirably. 

"It would, indeed, be delightful for us to be 
so near together, that we could, by a short 
walk or ride, make each other frequent calls; 
but uncertainty attends all our projects for the 

future, and I try to form none. Mr. S is 

becoming more and more interested in this con- 
ference. Though he appreciates his newly- 
acquired friends in the Ohio conference, he can 
scarcely make up his mind to leave those in 
this. If he does, it will be entirely for the 
gratification of mine; and, however agreeable 
it would be for me to be near them, I say noth- 
ing to influence his decision. My health has 



100 



MEMOIRS OF 



been, much of the winter, comfortable. I have 
housed myself, especially at night. If I should 
continue to improve, my health could not be 
urged as a reason for a change. I submit it to 
Providence, knowing that, if he directs, all will 
be right. 

" The book you left for me in C 's trunk, 

I found quite instructive. I have been reading, 
and hearing read, several works, the most inter- 
esting of which are D'Aubigne's History of the 
Reformation, Life of Harlan Page, and that 
insinuating, fascinating, but, in reference to the- 
ology, dangerous writer — Channing. But my 
time for reading is very limited, unless I neglect 
my domestic affairs. The want of time on my 
own part, is, however, in a good measure, sup- 
plied by my affectionate husband, who reads 
aloud to me when no interruptions prevent. 

"Remember us affectionately to brother 

B . Let us hear from you soon. Kiss the 

little ones many times for us. 
"Your ever affectionate 

"Angeline." 
During the succeeding summer it was my 
privilege to visit Mrs. Sears at her own home, 
and to spend some days with her at a camp 
meeting near her residence, and also to be much 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 101 

in her company at the ensuing session of the 
Genesee conference. She complained much of 
the want of religious feeling and zeal, but ap- 
peared, to all observers, as an example of piety 
and devotion. The sincere, earnest fervency of 
her prayers, especially during the conference, 
will long be remembered by those who were 
permitted to join her in this exercise. On her 
account, her parents were extremely solicitous 
that Mr. Sears should be transferred to the 
Ohio conference, deeming that a northern cli- 
mate must be injurious to one predisposed to 
pulmonary disease. His transfer was now and 
then the theme of conversation in her presence ; 
and often the effort was made in vain to draw 
from her an expression of opinion, or of choice, 
in reference to it. So cautiously did she avoid 
giving any intimation of her wishes, that the 
most intimate friend could not learn her views. 
The superintendent having expressed a willing- 
ness to transfer him, it was submitted to the 
decision of Mr. Brooks, her father, under the 
guidance, as she hoped, of her heavenly Father. 
The transfer was made: and in September, 1844, 
Mr. S — — was appointed to Oxford station, in 
the Ohio conference. 

While they resided at Oxford, there was no 



102 



MEMOIRS OF 



important change in her experience. It might 
be said of her, that she " pursued the even 
tenor of her way;" yet she appeared to gain 
spiritual strength, and once, during the year, 
was very near grasping the blessing which had 
so long been the object of her pursuit. Per- 
haps she was never more highly appreciated as 
a pastor's wife, than in this station. And the 
example of her fidelity, consistency, and fervor, 
will long live in the memory of the Church 
there, many of whom would, doubtless, deem 
it a privilege to add to this sketch a more mi- 
nute description of her Christian virtues, did 
circumstances permit. 

I close this chapter by remarking, that had 
this dear child of God spent the time yielded 
up to self-reproaches, in giving "unto the Lord 
the glory due unto his name," she would, 
doubtless, have experienced great deliverances, 
and achieved great victories. The exercise of 
thanksgiving and praise is rational, Scriptural, 
and salutary. It not only encourages faith, 
hope, and love, but often, when these graces are 
dormant in the soul, awakens them, and fills the 
spirit with gladness. How many sincere Chris- 
tians employ more hours in prayer than mo- 
ments in thanksgiving ! The dependent, whose 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 103 



hand is perpetually reached forth, crying, 
"give," but is seldom lifted up in thankfulness 
for relief, must be deemed ungrateful, and es- 
teemed unworthy. How much more should we 
thank and praise, upon whom Heaven showers 
its richest blessings till we cannot even number 
them ! 

And we know that this employment is pleas- 
ing to God ; for he has said, " Whoso offereth 
praise, glorifieth me." The saved in heaven 
seem to forget all else while they sing, "For 
thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God 
-by thy blood !" And does not this song belong, 
also, to the saints on earth ? He has redeemed 
us, as well as those glorified spirits. And he 
has said, "It is finished — all things are now 
ready." It is for us to avail ourselves of the 
proffered grace. " The Spirit and the bride say, 
Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. 
And let him that is athirst come. And whoso- 
ever will, let him take the water of life freely." 
Should we not praise for such abundant pro- 
vision? What wonder that the Psalmist ex- 
claimed, " I will bless the Lord at all times : his 
praise shall continually be in my mouth !" " Let 
every thing that hath breath praise the Lord!" 

In all this we do not exclude, from proper 



104 



MEMOIRS OF 



Christian devotion, that "indignation" at self 
and its unworthiness — that self-abasement and 
self-lothing, without which no poor sinner can 
be properly humbled, or can justly appreciate 
Christ and his atonement. But, having a proper 
conviction of these things, our deliverance from 
them must be sought, not in constant self- 
reflection, but by "looking unto Jesus." So 
may the reader "]ook and be saved." 



CHAPTER IX. 

Removal to Portsmouth, O.— Self-consecration — Visit — Let- 
ters — To Mrs. H To her mother — The sick — Dying triumphs — 

Nelson on infidelity — Letters to Mrs. H . 

In 1845 Mr. Sears was appointed to Ports- 
mouth, Ohio, where Mrs. S had many rela- 
tives, and where serious difficulties had existed 
in the Church. She was much afflicted at this 
appointment, dreading that she and her hus- 
band would not be able to reconcile differences 
so formidable. This induced her to apply, with 
great earnestness, to her heavenly Father for 
wisdom; and so circumspect was her deport- 
ment, in this difficult position, that it is believed 
she neither gave offense nor incurred censure 
while in this charge. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 105 

Her letters during this period continue to 
indicate the same spirit of self-distrust and 
self-accusation, mingled, however, with more 
of confidence in God. She had now entered a 
region in her pilgrimage from which she could 
more clearly view "the promised land;" and 
her eager soul panted for its refreshing shades 
and fountains. The following scrap, found 
among her papers, without exact date, appears 
to have been written early in January, 1846 : 

" This morning I give myself a new sacrifice 
to God. I venture upon his mercy, his faith- 
fulness, his love — his almighty love — to take 
and seal me his for time and for eternity. 
While returning from the watch meeting, where 
the Lord manifested himself to some of his 
children, but where my barren soul had re- 
mained unmoved, my husband exhorted me to 
reckon myself 'dead indeed unto sin,' and 
'alive unto God.' Sin and unbelief seemed to 
gather new strength, as I gave vent to my car- 
nal reasonings — as, how could I reckon that to 
be so which was not, etc. So I laid me down 
and slept, and so awoke. The exhortation was 
renewed before we knelt for morning prayer. 
Without any special emotion, I asked the Lord 
to take me, purge me, and make me his for 



106 



MEMOIRS OF 



ever. This was the language employed, ' I give 
myself to him ; I will be his ; I ami his, for he 
has purchased me with his own blood. Hence- 
forth, I will live no longer to myself ; I steadily 
look up to Christ, who has promised to save 
me to the uttermost, if I come to him. I 
come — I do come — I wait for the promise, for 
the witness, to be saved from all my idols — all 
my filthiness of flesh and spirit. His word is 
faithful — he will do it. Thou wast manifested 
to take away all my sin — to destroy the works 
of the devil in my heart — to cleanse me from 
all iniquity — to make me zealous in thy cause, 
in all good works — to thoroughly furnish me 
for every good work. I cast myself upon thy 
faithfulness and power: 

" Help I every moment need." 
My need shall be momentarily supplied; for 
thou sendest not thine a warfare at their own 
charges ; but, though principalities and powers, 
and all foes, combine against them, thou art 
stronger than all. O clothe me with thy whole 
armor, that I may be able to withstand all the 
fiery darts of the enemy— to withstand all vain 
imaginings, or worldly allurements; and, hav- 
ing done all, to stand.' " 

She adds, under the date of January 3, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 107 

"My confidence has been unshaken, that God 
accepts me, through faith in his Son. Since 
that act of consecration, I have felt nothing 
contrary to love in my heart, though Satan has 
striven hard for entrance. Praise unto the 
name of my great High Priest ! he has kept me 
for nearly three days ; yet I have felt every mo- 
ment the need of the merit of his death. I 
cannot say that I am sanctified wholly ; but I 
believe the work is begun, and, by looking 
steadfastly unto Jesus, may and will be accom- 
plished. Hasten it, 0 Lord! Reign supreme 
in my heart ! 

'Accept the sacrifice I bring;' 
'Here, Lord, I give myself to thee, 
'Tis all that I can do V 

0 never let me depart from thee more ! 

" Heard an edifying sermon by J. J , this 

morning, from, 'Howbeit, this kind goeth not 
out but by prayer and fasting,' with the contexts. 

1 felt that the Lord directed the discourse to 
encourage my poor soul. This afternoon am 
trying to lay fresh hold upon the promises. " 

Under date of January 28, we find the fol- 
lowing: "Since the above date, diverse have 
been my states of mind — now pressing toward 
the mark, now measuring back my steps to 



108 



MEMOIRS OF 



earth again : at times violently assaulted by I 
the powers of darkness, and as violently resist- 
ing; but soon, alas! overcome and betrayed 
into sin; then casting away the beginning of 
my confidence. 0, shall I ever be established 
in the highway of holiness — shall I ever be I 
settled and grounded in the faith? Shall faith 
in God ever be the all-governing, all-controll- 
ing rule of my life ? O that I could have no 
confidence in the flesh ! 0 that self were anni- 
hilated, and God filling where self once lived ! 
After so many falls and departures from God, 
I scarce dare look up again; yet, 0 my soul, 
thou hast the encouraging word, ' If any man 
sin, we have an Advocate with the Father/ 
even Jesus. " 

In February of this year I was again per- 
mitted to spend a few days with Mrs. Sears, 
and to witness her growing zeal for the inter- 
ests of the Church — a zeal which, seemingly, 
led her to disregard every selfish consider- 
ation — and, also, to observe her care for the 
sick and poor of the flock. 

Some of these, on account of their deep ex- 
perience in the things of God, were peculiarly 
dear to her, and she often spoke of the comfort 
and edification she had derived from her com- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 109 

munion with them. In her efforts to relieve 
the sufferings of others she took the varioloid, 
and the attack commenced during my stay. 
This circumstance afforded a clue to some of 
her unobserved walks, and brought out from 
their cautious concealment some of the treas- 
ures of her heart's true charity. At the begin- 
ning of her illness a protracted meeting was in 
progress, which she had attended with deep 
solicitude for its results. When she could no 
longer get to the sanctuary, the unbidden tear 
would flow ; but not a word for her own suffer- 
ing escaped her lips. To this visit the follow- 
ing characteristic note has reference : 

"Portsmouth, March 6. 

"My Dear Mrs. H , — When your letter 

came Mr. S was absent in Chillicothe, and 

my boy and myself were both sick, or I should 
have earlier thanked you for your timely re- 
membrance after leaving us. 

"In religion it is with me much as when you 
was here. The reading, of the little book, 
'Mrs. Cox,' quickened me, in a small degree, 
for holiness; but, like the early dew, it soon 
vanished away; and when from my native stu- 
pidity I am aroused, it seems to be only to 
increase my darkness and difficulties. 



110 



MEMOIRS OF 



" I thank you for the book, but am in doubt 
whether to acknowledge it, because your — for- 
give if I say proud — nature forbids the accept- 
ance of a trifle without a return, while my gift 
did not itself begin to be a return for former 
obligations. 

"Ma wishes me to visit them as soon as they 
are settled. I don't know that I can ; but if I 
do, would like to arrange to be there when you 
will be likely to be in the city, could I know 
when, I wish to see you. Don't tax yourself 
to write ; but, when quite convenient, I am al- 
ways glad to receive a word of exhortation, 
reproof, or encouragement. 
" In haste, but love, 

"A. B. Sears." 

A few days after she writes to her mother, 
who had just removed to a beautiful country 
residence on Mount Auburn, a mile and a half 
from the city, as follows : 

"Portsmouth, March, 27, 1846. 

"Dear Ma, — I heard of your recent illness 

through Mr. G , from C — — 's letter to 

him. At first I felt very sorry ; but when I 
recollected that our heavenly Father doth not 
willingly afflict, nor yet without design, I 
thought, perhaps, it might be needful to keep 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



Ill 



your mind from being too much given -to your 
new home, and the pleasant scenes attending it. 
I have felt more of the Spirit's influence for a 
week or two past, than for several weeks pre- 
vious. I feel more than ever my duty to be 
holy. But 0 how easily does my mind glide 
from the spiritual to the temporal ! Yet I be- 
lieve it is my privilege to praise, and be thankful 
for the blessings I have, and, holding fast there- 
to, to look for more. 

"I feel, especially, the need of more charity, 
that I may be enabled to bear all things, and 
to hope all things — a charity which never fail- 
eth ; for what avails faith, or profession, without 
love? In this I have always failed. 0 that 
my heart were filled with love ! 

"How truly said the apostle; 'Now abideth 
faith, hope, charity; but the greatest of these 
is charity.' I was much quickened and incited 
to pursue after holiness by the conversation of 

brother B , of the Ebenezer charge, a few 

evenings since. He passed through here, and 
spent the night with us. I hope you will be- 
come acquainted with him. He carries a cheer- 
ful, loving piety, in as easy a manner as any 
one I ever saw. 

"Our third quarterly meeting commences 



112 



MEMOIRS OF 



to-morrow. Brother J is an evangelical, 

practical, edifying preacher. 

" Eliza wrote that you insist on my coming 
home. It is not consistent for me to come now ; 
and I doubt often whether I ought to go at all, 
unless some affliction calls me. It breaks up 

our course of living, and Mr. S feels lost 

and lonely, which, I fear, would much retard 
his studies, and, perhaps, his usefulness. Yet I 
think some of visiting you in May 

" I would like to hear soon how you like the 
new place ; and especially to have something to 
rouse me up in the way to life. 
"Yours, affectionately, 

" Angeline." 
The following extracts are presented as far- 
ther characteristic notices of her religious expe- 
rience : 

"Portsmouth, April 27, 1846. 

" Dear Mrs. H , — I did not write you at 

T , because I could not definitely fix the 

time, and I expected to be in Cincinnati soon 
enough to reach you there. 

"A blotted letter is unpardonable ; but a steel 
pen and haste must be my apology. I was 
going to add that my bound soul still struggles 
for liberty. Christ is worthy of all my heart* 



MRS. ANGELINA B. SEARS. 



113 



and I feel it. Would that my soul could al- 
ways be attracted by the loveliness of his love ! 

"I think of you often; and often, though 
feebly, pray that you may be more than victo- 
rious in the mighty conflict. 

"If you are obliged to leave the city before 
May 12th, and frill give me one line saying so, 
I will try to make my arrangements to be there 
as early as the 5 th or 6 th. 

"In haste, but grateful love, 

" Your unworthy 

j 

" Angeline." 
£ * Portsmouth, Friday morning, June 12, 1846. 

"My ever dear Mrs. H— — Yours of 
the 8th inst. was received last evening, and 
read without the least difficulty, as I am very 
familiar with your hand. 

"I rejoice in M— — B- ? s blessings, and 

pray that she may ever, through grace, be ' more 
than conqueror' over self, sin, and the adver- 
sary. Surely, if she can experience, and hold 
fast this great salvation, even / may not de- 
spair. Not that she is more prone to sin — 
no, not within many degrees as much so as I 
am; but her constitutional timidity and habits 
of doubting have been, I think, as .great as 
those of any of us. I rejoice in your victories, 
6 



114 



MEMOIRS OF 



though in captivity myself. I have much com- 
fort in praying for my friends, especially so 
lately, in remembering you. Every time I have 
the privilege of seeing you, I feel that the 
bonds which unite my affections to you, are 
strengthened, and my desire that you may be 
in all things perfect, increased. This is rather 
a bold expression from one all-imperfect. 

"Several sick, nigh unto death, here. One, 
an old lady, who has, from infancy, feared the 
Lord, and worked righteousness, but who has 
always had a fear of death more than is com- 
mon — a very great dread. Yet she is now per- 
fectly triumphant. Yesterday, while we visited 
her, she broke out singing, 

'On Jordan's stormy banks I stand/ etc. 
Her countenance glowed; and, as though she 
saw the departed saints, she pointed and said, 

* There is sister , who died happy in the 

Lord, and there is sister Offher, who beckons to 
me, and I'll soon be there.' She also remarked, 
'I've been wandering up and down the banks 
of J ordan for six months, and once in a while I 
got a glimpse of the other side. I've feared 
the dark valley many years, but now I've come 
where I thought it was, and it is all light, for 
Jesus is here.' 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 115 

"I think there is no doubt but the spirits of 
the just made perfect, are sometime* shown to 
the pious, even before their entrance into the 
spirit world. I felt to praise such unmerited 
grace as this sister received, and renew my 
efforts to secure it for the final hour. 
"Yours in haste, but in love, 

" AxGELIXE." 

The reader has, doubtless, formed her own 
opinion on the subject above referred to. The 
writer has nothing to affirm one way or the 
other. That saints on earth have seen the glo- 
rified, is a fact which no believer of the Bible 
disputes. The transfiguration was one occasion 
of the kind. That God can, if he choose, cause 
both the living and the dying to enjoy such 
visions, is equally indisputable. Whether he 
does, in these days, allow this privilege to his 
expiring saints, is another question. There are 
views of death-bed scenes in "Nelson on Infi- 
delity," of a remarkably interesting kind, and 
equally so, whether it be granted or denied, 
that this aged disciple, and others who have 
held similar language in death, were under the 
influence of an excited imagination, or gave 
utterance to truth. 

Dr. Nelson says: "My attention was awa- 



116 



MEMOIRS OF 



kened very much by observing the dying fancies 
of the servants of this world, differing with 
such characteristic singularity from the fancies 
of the departing Christian. It is no uncommon 
thing for those who die to believe they see, or 
hear, or feel, that which appears only fancy to 
bystanders. Their friends believe that it is the 
overturning of their intellect. I am not about 
to enter into the discussion whether it is, or is 
not, always fancy. Some attribute it to more 
than fancy; but inasmuch as, in many instan- 
ces, the mind is deranged, whilst its habitation 
is falling into ruins around it, and inasmuch 
as it is the common belief that it is only the 
imagination about which I am WTiting, we will 
look at it under the name of fancy. 

" The fanciful views of the dying servants of 
sin and the devoted friends of Christ, were 
strangely different, as far as my observation ex- 
tended. One who had been an entire sensual- 
ist and a mocker at religion, whilst dying, ap- 
peared in his senses in all but one thing. ' Take 
that black man from the room,' said he. He 
was answered that there was none in the room. 
He replied, 'There he is, standing near the 
window. His presence is very irksome to me ; 
take him out.' After a time, again and again, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



117 



his call was, ' Will no one remove him ? There 
he is; surely some one will fake him away.' 

"I was mentioning, to another physician, my 
surprise that he should have been so much dis- 
tressed, if there had been many blacks in the 
room ; for he had been waited on by them, day 
and night, for many years ; also that the mind 
had not been diseased in some other respect, 
when he told me the names of two others — his 
patients — men of similar lives, who were tor- 
mented with the same fancy, and in the same 
way, whilst dying. 

z "A young female, who called the Man of 
Calvary her greatest friend, was, when dying, 
in her senses in all but one particular. 1 Moth- 
er,' she would say, pointing in a certain direc- 
tion, 'do you see those beautiful creatures?' 
Her mother would answer, 'Xo; there is no 
one there, my dear.' She would reply, 'Well, 
that is strange. I never saw such counte- 
nances and such attire. My eye never rested 
on any thing so lovely.' '0,' says one, 'this 
is all imagination, and the notions of a mind 
collapsing: wherefore tell of it?' My answer 
is, that I am not about to dispute or to deny 
that it is fancy; but the fancies differ in fea- 
tures and in texture. Some, in their derange- 



118 



MEMOIRS OF 



ment, call out, ' Catch me, I am sinking ; hold 
me, I am falling.' Others say, 'Do you hear 
that music? O were ever notes so celestial!' 
This kind of notes and these classes of fancies 
belong to different classes of individuals; and 
who they were, was the item which attracted my 
wonder. Such things are noticed by few, and 
remembered by almost none ; but I am inclined 
to believe, that if notes were kept of such 
cases, volumes of interest might be formed. 

"My last remark here, is, that we necessarily 
speak somewhat in the dark of such matters, 
but you and I will know more shortly. Both 
of us will see and feel for ourselves, where we 
cannot be mistaken, in the course of a very few 
months or years." (See Nelson on Infidelity.) 

The following letter was written at her fath- 
er's, during the session of the Ohio conference : 
" Mount Auburn, Sept. 2, 1846. 

My dear and much loved Mrs. ,- — Seat- 
ed amidst your own books and maps, and your 
last thankfully received and profitable letter to 
ma open before me, I would tell you how I 
have desired to welcome again your familiar 
handwriting to my own address, containing 
your fervent exhortations to my wandering 
heart to press with ardor on to the prize of my 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



119 



high calling. Had I known, before coming 
home, where to direct, you would, before this, 
have been troubled with a communication from 
me, for the sole — and I own, selfish — purpose 
of the sooner enjoying one from yourself. This 
is, to me, a precious means of grace, which, 
coming from faithful friends, quickens — for a 
time at least — my weary pace in the heavenly 
road, and arouses me to renewed exertions, to 
make my calling sure. Were it not for this, I 
know not that I should have courage to over- 
come the embarrassment I always feel in ad- 
dressing you. 

"When I last heard from you, you were 
traveling and laboring on for the Lord : conse- 
quently enjoying the refreshing presence of that 
Savior to whom you have yielded yourself a 
living sacrifice. And you must receive encour- 
agement in and by the way, seeing your labors 
blessed of the Lord, and the works of your 
hands prospering and established. While you 
say, ' Not unto us, not unto us, but unto Thy 
name give glory,' you must still be greatly en- 
couraged to labor on more abundantly. 

"Could I know that the Lord made use of 
me in awakening to conviction, in inciting to 
conversion, in alluring to holiness, one soul for 



120 



MEMOIRS OF 



whom Jesus shed his blood, I often feel that 
faltering should never again attend my steps, 
or discouragement cause my hands to droop. 
Bat may-be this is only one of the devices of 
the father of lies. Perhaps, should I be as- 
sured that my unworthy efforts had been used 
in the salvation of one sinner, for future en- 
couragement, I might, like Gideon, desire it to 
be repeated and diversified, merely for a token, 
in order that my future efforts might be secured ; 
though they ought to be constantly exerted to 
the fullest extent of the soul's energies, were 
those energies a thousand -fold greater than 
they are; and this, even should they be like 
bread cast upon the waters, not to be seen 
until they are gathered on the great ocean of 
eternity. 0 that I had a zeal, a courage, a 
faith, thus to laboi for Him who is worthy! 
These thoughts and feelings have been sug- 
gested by the close of the conference year. 

"No good accomplished — no soul saved — * 
no repentings kindled by my efforts, aided by 
the Holy Spirit. And now the conviction 
abides on my heart and conscience, How can 
the blind lead the blind? How can the soul 
having no life in itself, prove the savor of life 
to others? 



MKS. ANGELINA B. SE 



121 



"Our little vexations at P- , I think, are 

working out right. These things, I hope, have 
taught me a salutary lesson. I think Satan 
could not again rob me of my peace, in the 
same garb. And yet I have learned the fool- 
ishness of my heart so well, that I know that 
in any other form I would be as likely to yield 
to his devices, He never quite overthrows me, 
a second time, upon the same ground. Is it 
not strange, then, that I do not secure the 
armor more perfectly for new points of attack? 

"This is the day for the opening of the ses- 
sion of the Ohio conference. I felt a great 
interest at the throne of grace, this morning, 
for that body of ministers ; that the power, the 
peace, the spirit, and love of Christ may rest 
upon and abide in them ; and that they may be 
a savor of life — a shining light in Piqua. 

"I am trying to improve the privilege of 
your library while at home. Reading the Life 
of Faith, and Catherine Reynolds, has sharp- 
ened my appetite for more of the fruits of a 
heavenly life ; and yesterday, commenced Mary 
Lundie Duncan, with which I am much ab- 
sorbed, and hope to prove the time well em- 
ployed, by being excited to imitate her efforts 
in gaining the image of Christ and laying her- 



122 



MEMOIRS OF 



self out for his cause. Let me soon have some 
helps and encouragements from your pen. It 
is long since I have been so favored. 

"You are still fighting and conquering in 
the strength of Him at whose charges you go 
your warfare. 0 may you more than conquer 
through Him! I think of you at so great a 
distance, and seem to come nearest you at a 
throne of grace, 

"Ma intended answering directly to Iowa. 
Feebleness, company, and vexations with do- 
mestics, have prevented. She is still gaining 
some victories in the great conflict — still enjoys 
peace in believing; and is contending for per- 
fect love and perfect faith. She feels — we both 
feel — much concern for pa, who is as much as 
ever engaged in the world. I wish you and 

Bp. H would join us, at least once a week, 

in earnest supplications to this effect : that Prov- 
idence would open a way, that his business 
may be brought into a smaller compass, and 
his heart drawn to Christ anew. He has but 
little hope of ever being deeply engaged in 
spiritual things, until his business is lessened. 

"Mr. S is growing in grace. He will 

be the better prepared for the work, I think, 
by the last year's experience. His joy is not 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



123 



as great as that of many; but I believe bis 
faith more vigorous and unwavering ; and he is 
striving for sincerity and truth in the inward 
parts. 

" Pray for your unworthy but affectionate 

" Angeline." 



CHAPTER X. 

Appointment to Richmondale — Trials of moving — Prevailing 
sickness— Self-accusation— Sanctified affliction— Letters— To Mrs. 
H To her mother— To her father— To Mrs. H — —Mrs. Taylor. 

A little more than two years now remained, 
to fill up the suffering and finish the earthly 

career of our beloved sister S . During 

this period, it could hardly be said that she 
was more faithful than before in the discharge 
of duty. Those who have traced her history, 
would be ready to inquire, how could this be? 
And yet she evidently grew in "grace, and in 
the knowledge of the Lord," more steadily 
than before. The graces of the Spirit strength- 
ened in her heart; and she proceeded to the 
performance of duty, especially the more pub- 
lic duties of her station, with greater confidence. 

In 1846 her husband was appointed to Rich- 
mond circuit. Mrs. S had never coveted 



124 



MEMOIRS OF 



stations. She instinctively shrunk from prom- 
inence and responsibility; but her sense of 
propriety, as well as her attachment to the 
itinerant system, forbade her objecting to any 
appointment, however painful it might be to 
her private feelings. 

With reference to the less desirable portions 
of the work, her language was, " I may as well 
suffer thus as any one else." At this time, she 
doubtless hailed the life and labors of a circuit 
as a merciful deliverance from the perplexities 
and responsibilities of the preceding year. 
But it proved a period of severe trial. The 
parsonage was very small and inconvenient, in a 
little village which was extremely sickly. Thus 
situated, at a considerable distance from her 
parents, and with her husband much from 
home on his circuit, she suffered a severe at- 
tack of intermittent fever. As her letters fur- 
nish her own account of her condition, and of 
her experience during most of the year, I sub- 
join them, instead of further remarks. To her 
family she wrote as follows : 

u Richmondale, Sept. 24, 1846. 

"The fatigues of another move are about 
over, and we are settled for a time in this re- 
tired little dale, in our unpretending cottage, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



125 



or whatever other name you choose, to bestow 
upon it." Then follows a history of misfortunes 
and losses in moving their goods ; and the let- 
ter proceeds : " The house is rather more com- 
fortable than I anticipated. We have two good- 
sized rooms, and a room large enough to con- 
tain a bed at the end of the porch. Then we 
have out-houses a plenty for storage, lumber, 
etc. There is a very good chapel here. The 
surrounding country is tolerably pleasant. 

"Mr. Sears commenced his labors on the 
circuit yesterday — preached to two men, four 
women, and several children. They were not 
expecting him. 

"It is very sickly here. Nearly half the 
people have fever and ague; and hooping* 
cough among the children. A whole family of 
children next to us, and almost adjoining us, 
are sick with hooping-cough and ague. 

"I think Mary [a young woman who lived 
with them] was very near home-sick at first. 
For a day or two, we stopped at a rich farm- 
er's, until our goods came. It was corn-cut- 
ting time. They had about twenty-live men 
and boys employed, and five or six hired girls ; 
the lady of the house unwell, and two sick 
children to nurse. So you can fancy about the 



126 



MEMOIRS OF 



aspect of things. And besides — what I forgot 
to say — the house was undergoing repair, roof- 
ing, etc. Mary asked me, the second day, if I 
was home-sick ; from which I infer, that she 
was a little tinged with the disease. The peo- 
ple were very kind to us; and Mary seems 
more happy since we got into our own house, 
though she works at great disadvantage with- 
out the stove. 

U I intend going with Mr. S , when the 

buggy can go, to his appointment. And, by 
the way, I must tell you an exploit that I per- 
formed the other day ; namely, riding on horse- 
back, and carrying Brooks, [her little son, some 
two years old,] with which he was much delight- 
ed. He one day started to go and see you. We 
watched till he got a considerable distance down 
the street, still hurrying onward, when his 
father thought it time to go after him. He was 
brought back, sorely against his will. 

"We have no inducements to offer to bring 
any of you to see us. Yes, one for the girls : 
a fine chance to learn to ride on horseback. 
There are plenty of saddles and good horses 
in this region; and good roads in settled 
weather. 

"From my statement of things, as I have 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 127 

seen them, you may imagine that we have not 
much to make us cheerful and happy. If we 
depend upon externals, we have not; but we 
have abundant sources of enjoyment, if we will 
avail ourselves of them : a good library — a con- 
tented mind, which, if united with godliness, is 
great gain. From all these, I have scarcely 
derived a moiety — not the thousandth part of 
the happiness which may be drawn from them. 
As to knowledge, I feel I have none. And I 
need but little examination to decide, that I 
ought scarcely to call myself a Christian; the 
spirit of Christianity I have in so many instan- 
ces denied — indeed, in almost every instance, 
where a trial of patience or temper was con- 
cerned ; and as to its labors, these I have refused. 

" I think my being cut off from former asso- 
ciations will induce me to seek society in books ; 
and I hope my reflections upon past useless- 
ness, and ofttimes worse than uselessness, aided 
by the word and Spirit, may drive me to be 
in earnest in eternal things. I have long been 
aware that the graces of the Spirit can no more 
flourish without efforts at improvement, than 
the mental faculties can expand and strengthen, 
and the physical part of our natures be devel- 
oped, without exercise. 



128 



MEMOIRS OF 



" Brooks keeps running to me, as though he 
would send a message. I asked him if he 
wished to see grandpa, and grandma, and aunt- 
ies, and Charlie. He says, 'ese, ese ' 

"Write to us as soon as you get this. 
"Affectionately, "Angeline." 

The next letter breathes, in an eminent de- 
gree, the spirit of pious submission and Chris- 
tian triumph. 

" Richmondale, Oct. 30, 1846. 

My dear Mrs. H , — Your very accepta- 
ble letter came to me several days since. I 
thank you for it. It was as cold water to my 
thirsty spirit— refreshing. I felt thankful for 
the grace you have had in your every time of 
need, since we parted. My soul cries, this 
morning, Glory, and honor, and praise are 
due unto thee, 0 Savior, for thy free, unmer- 
ited grace to sinful, vile man — to sinful, vile, 
polluted me. The minutiae of your summer's 
journey and experience, would have deeply 
interested me; but as your time and strength 
would not admit, I will be content with what 
you have given me, and thankful for the mercy 
and love that have brought you through. 

"I am just recovering from an attack of re- 
mittent fever, which confined me to bed eight 



% 

MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 129 

or ten days; but it was a blessed affliction. 
The Lord used it, I am sure, to attach my heart 
more firmly to himself. Our situation is any 
thing but inviting to the flesh ; but I praise the 
Lord that it is as it is. It revealed to me more 
of my heart. Changing circumstances serve to 
teach us more of ourselves. I did not feel re- 
bellion, but a degree of discontent would creep 
into my heart at times, and the tear of loneli- 
ness steal from my eye, when Mr. S had 

to be absent several days together, and I not a 
friend to speak to. But the current of my feel- 
ings has greatly changed, and it must be all of 
grace; for I had reasoned, and summoned all 
the womanly courage I could call to my aid 
before. But now, praised be the name of the 
Lord ! I feel that his will is good. Yes, good; 
and he will do all things well concerning me, 
while I trust in him. 

"When taken ill I had no consolation, and 
the enemy told me it was useless for such a 
sinner to look for any. But while reflecting on 
the promises, after thinking them all over, and 
about concluding there were none for me, the 
thought, 'Jesus Christ came into the world to 
save sinners, of whom I am chief/ came and 
saved my spirit from despair. To it I hung. 
9 



130 



MEMOIRS OF 



"If the object of Christ's death was to save 
sinners, surely I am included, and I will look to 
him by faith. I believe — I will, I do believe. 
Then came the word, 'Say not in thy heart 
who shall ascend, or descend/ etc., but 'the 
word of faith is nigh thee in thy mouth, and in 
thy heart,' etc. I could not, at first, feel it; 
but prayer brought the realization. And then 
the Savior's prayer, ' Neither pray I for these 
alone, but for them also who shall believe on 
me through their word,' all, all were applied 
by the Spirit as I never felt them before. And 
now my trusting heart wonders, and adores the 
love, the mercy that stoops to save me. 

"Saturday and Sabbath were blessed days 
to me. I was able to accompany Mr. S — — to 
his appointment ; and while he was inquiring of 
the people, 'What think ye of Christ? I felt 
that he was the anointed to save, and to save 
me. And now I look to be saved 6 to the utter- 
most.' I have felt naught but love — love to 
God and all mankind, for a week past ; and the 
name of Jesus inspires my heart and my songs. 
The 'full redemption' hymns are precious and 
full of meaning. Praised be the Lord God of 
hosts! I feel while I write something of 'the 
silent awe, the heaven of love* 0 what did 



MBS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 



131 



Jesus see in us— in me, that should move 
and constrain him to die, that I might gain 
eternal life, and that by simply believing on his 
name, and presenting it at the Father's throne 
as my surety! 0 for courage to testify of his 
love to all the world, and for heavenly wisdom 
to win souls to him ! Shall my faith again fail ? 
' Weaker than a bruised reed, 
Help I every moment need.' 

"Praised be his name! with his sustaining 
grace and constraining love, any situation in 
his vineyard would be acceptable, and no fare 
or privations shall be counted hard. But those 
things which are esteemed gain to the flesh, I 
will gladly count but loss for Christ, if he will 
help me to gain one soul for his crown in the 
great day. 

"I need not say, pray for me; I know you 
do ; and I know not that He would have borne 
with all my backslidings and unbelief, had you 
not continued to present me to him. I thank 
you in the name of Jesus. I thank Him for 
what he has done for you and yours. I feel he 
will sustain you to the end. 

"Mr. S is enjoying much of a Savior's 

love. I never saw him happier than when 
preaching last Sabbath, at eleven o'clock. 



132 



MEMOIKS OF 



"Well, I take up much time in telling of self. 
You write to me of myself, and I return the 
same, and but little of you and yours. I can- 
not exhort or comfort you — I can, and do re- 
joice in your blessings. I would regret that 
you are going so far away so soon again, but for 
several reasons. You will have society which 
will be all help and all love, in sister P- — — . 
You will be aided by her counsels and her 
prayers. And then, as far as I am concerned, 
it will make no difference. We are not situated 
in a manner that we could ask you to visit us ; 
neither do I expect to go home very soon, unless 
some affliction should call me. I expect to 

spend two or three weeks with C at 

P- — -. Go about the 20th of December. 
But that would be too late to see you, if you 
should go that way. But I can hear from you 
as often as your engagements and strength ad- 
mit, and be thankful for the privilege. 

"My little Brooks is well. He kneels at 
his little chair, several times a day, with his 
hands folded together, and performs his devo- 
tions in a whisper. I have a joyful faith that 
the Lord will make him his own, by an early 
conversion and sanctification, for out of the 
mouth of babes he can perfect praise. Praise 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



133 



his name for the hope! Mr. S would be 

glad to be remembered, but is absent at his 
appointments. Shall be able to tell you more 
about the circuit and the work in my next. 
Pray for us, and we will enjoy the same priv- 
ilege for you and yours. 

"Affectionately, Angeline." 

A few days later, after increased family afflic- 
tion, she writes to her mother : 

" Richmondale, Nov. 14, 1846. 

" Dear Ma, — We were much gratified at re- 
ceiving your letter yesterday morning, after so 

long expecting one. Mr. S and myself 

are just recovering from a second attack of 

sickness. The day I wrote to Mrs. H , he 

came home with a high fever after a chill, which 
he took preaching in an open house — no fire, 
and the wind blowing on him. He has had 
regular shakes and fever ever since, till Mon- 
day; but has failed, during the time, to fill 
only one appointment, j have had an attack 
of dysentery — lasted but two or three days, 
but left me weak ; but, thanks to our heavenly 
Father ! we are all now tolerably well. 

"We have been much blest in our light 

afflictions. Mr. S was very happy at the 

time. His temperament has always been so 



134 



MEMOIRS OF 



cheerful, that I often thought, when sickness 
came, likely his spirits would sink, and he be- 
come desponding. But not so ; he was cheer- 
ful and happy, and Saturday last, was the hap- 
piest person I ever saw. 

"I praise the Lord for his goodness and 

mercy to me. Since I wrote Mrs. H , I 

have had a settled peace — an abiding confi- 
dence in Christ as my Savior; and sins that 
formerly beset me have troubled me but little. 
Yet they, springing up, would trouble me, did 
I not keep watch. I want them all destroyed. 

"If we were stripped of all beside, and had 
hope of salvation left — could feel ourselves 
embraced in the covenant of grace — could say 
in our hearts, ' Being justified by faith, we have 
peace with God through our Lord Jesus 
Christ' — this would be enough to elicit grati- 
tude and praise continually. 0, to think that 
' He bore our sins and carried our sorrows !' — 
that, if we are healed, it must be by his stripes ! 
'He was wounded for our transgressions; he 
was bruised for our iniquities,' and, having 
finished the work, is now our faithful High 
Priest and Intercessor ; and for all this he only 
requires our hearts, and faith in his name. 

" How strange that we should ever refuse to 



MRS. ANGELINA B. SEARS. 135 

believe on him! Here, I know, is the only- 
rest. Reasoning and struggling with our sins 
is of no use. JSTo works which we can do are 
of any avail, except as they are wrought in 
faith. I wish I understood the way more per- 
fectly. But they that 'will do his will, shall 
know/ is the promise ; and if I can keep my 
heart perfectly united to him, this promise is 
vouchsafed to me. I have been reading Clarke 
on the book of Job— found it very interesting 
and profitable. 

I hope you will feel no anxiety for us. The 
sickness is generally abating through the 
country. 

"Yours, affectionately, Angelxne." 
To the same, December 1, she says: 
" Dear Ma, — Supposing you may feel some 
anxiety to hear of our health, etc., I write 

again. Mr. S has had another attack of 

ague, from which he has just recovered. The 

rest of us are well. Eliza met Mr. S at 

W , according to appointment, two weeks 

to-day. She has spent her time thus far cheer- 
fully, and I hope profitably — has seemed as 
happy as ever I saw her. We rise early. She 
reads before breakfast, and usually studies his- 
tory some time after; then industriously plies 



136 



MEMOIRS OF 



her needle the rest of the day. When Mr. 
S — — is at home, he reads to us in the even- 
ing; so she feels no want of society here. Mr. 
S — — has just returned from his quarterly 
meeting — had a very pleasant and profitable 
time. Harmony and peace characterize most 
of the societies on the circuit. 

"I do not feel as well spiritually as I did 
when I wrote last. My opportunities for re- 
tirement are few, and I fear — I know I have 
not been watchful and prayerful enough. But 
I will not cast away the beginning of my con- 
fidence, but endeavor to strengthen the things 
that remain and are ready to die. We have 
an Advocate ; if it were not so, we might sink 
into despair, for our numerous backslidings. 

" I mean not to rest, and cannot, till the mind 
that was in Christ is planted in me. Not all 
the treasures of earth can compare with his 
love, or could compensate for the loss of it. 
Why, then, should trifles divert me from the 
steady aim to secure all the riches of his grace ? 
Weak, frail, inconsistent mortals we are. 

"I am very sorry for Mrs. W in her 

affliction, far from home, and would be for you 

and B in your confinement, but that you 

have the comfort of doing good to the suffering. 



MRS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 



137 



" Thank you for the hood ; it is very pretty 
and comfortable. Write soon. 

"Yours, affectionately, Angeune." 

Mrs. S wrote to her father, December 

22, the following. It is somewhat playful in 
spirit, doubtless designed to lessen his solici- 
tude on her account : 

"My Dear Father, — Your letter and ma's 
postscript I received yesterday morning, after 
expecting it every mail, and as often being disap- 
pointed for ten days, and as often dissertating on 
the reasons why people are not more punctual. 

"Ma says, you had done wonders for 
you. Your pen was drawn on by the pow- 
er of your eloquence upon intelligent, logic- 
al, shining ladies. I thank you for the letter, 
and for its unusual length. E — — has re- 
turned to P . She appeared to feel what 

you said in yours, that much of her time had 
been lost, and that spent in novel-reading worse 
than lost; and resolved to be more intelligent 
a year hence than now. While she remained 
she put that resolution into practice, by spend- 
ing several hours a day in study. 

" I hope it will not be thought we complain 
of our circuit. When we came, the people 
were all sick. Every thing looked very gloomy ; 



138 



MEMOIRS OF 



and for two or three weeks we had scarcely a 
mouthful of meat or butter, and no vegetables. 
I wrote to the family, as ma had requested, 
but I did not mean to complain. We are all 
now well supplied with every comfort necessary 
for the table ; and the house is now tenantable. 
When we came in, it leaked very much. The 
society has new-roofed it, and Mr. S- — — has 
built up the chimney-back. If it were not for 
the ague and fevers which prevail in the coun- 
try, I could contentedly stay here this year, 
and the year following. 

" Brooks has entirely frustrated my design of 
adopting Mrs. Wesley's plan of teaching her 
children their alphabet at five years of age. 
He is now just half that, and is familiar with 

every letter. Mr. G sent him a pictorial, 

alphabetic primer, from which he has, in some 
way, I hardly know how, learned all but 0 and 
S, which he knew before. He repeats nearly 
every thing he hears, and is an adept at mis- 
chief. 

"If you complained before that my letter 
was not addressed to you, I fear you will now 
complain that it is ; for upon you will be inflict- 
ed the labor of reading it. 

" Your affectionate Angeline." 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 139 

The following parts of letters will close the 
chapter and the year, and will leave her not in 
a joyous state, but evidently advanced in the 
heavenly race, and panting for the streams of 
salvation : 

"March 6, 1847. 

"Dear Mrs. H , — On referring to your 

letter, I am surprised to find it to be three 
months since its date. Nearly half that time I 
was absent, waiting on Caroline's sick-bed. 
Ports, could not afford her a nurse; so, not- 
withstanding my feebleness, most of the labor 
of her sick-room came upon me. Being much 
exhausted on my return, I have scarcely felt 
energy to write to my family. 

"I rejoice that you are increasing in bless- 
ings, in faith and love, and prove that Jesus 
saves from sin — that he is able to save to the 
uttermost — that his blood cleanseth from all 
unrighteousness. 

"Peter, and James, and John ascended the 
mountain with Christ, and beheld wonders 
which caused them to exclaim, ' It is good for 
us to be here and also to desire ever to re- 
main and behold the glory of the Lord. After 
they came down, they forsook the Savior; and 



140 



MEMOIRS OF 



he whose rapture on the mount was most in- 
tense, went farthest in denying him. 

"How amazing such transitions of feeling 
and conduct ! How much more amazing to see 
a soul redeemed, justified, tasting the joy of 
forgiveness, then departing! and again, having 
its backslidings all healed, and renewed for- 
giveness and grace bestowed, repeatedly depart- 
ing, and misimproving added grace ! Behold 
the goodness and long-suffering of God, in re- 
straining the sentence, 'Cut it down!' 

"I need not tell you to what guilty heart 
this applies. It is still 'fearful and unbeliev- 
ing/ unfaithful, treacherous. Yet not without 
repentance, and — for which the Lord's name 
be praised for ever and ever !— not without some 
occasional gleams of hope in and through Him 
who alone can save. But when shall it prove 
that he saves in the present tense, ' to the utter- 
most V 

" You will have heard before this of the death 
of sister Taylor. Bithia merely mentioned it. 
I have no particulars. Her life assures us of 
her last triumphs. 

"Dare I ask you to write me again soon? I 
will say I would be glad to hear again. I told 
Mr. S I would write you while he was 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 



141 



absent. He said, 'Tell them I love them with 
a pure heart, fervently, and am struggling for 
the port of life,' in which joins 

" Your unworthy, but affectionate 

Angeline." 
Mrs, Taylor was a bright and shining light 
in Cincinnati. She lived some years in the 
enjoyment of full salvation, and died in great 
peace in the autumn of 1846. She was em- 
phatically "a soldier of the cross." Wherever 
she went, and in whatever circumstances she 
was placed, she unflinchingly confessed Christ. 
Toward the close of her life, she visited her 
friends in a distant city, many of whom be- 
longed to the gay circles of society. She ap- 
peared among them in her plain attire, and 
sought, alone, the class-room, and other means 
of grace unknown to them. "When companies 
were invited to meet her, and she could not 
decline seeing them, her custom was to improve 
the occasion by recommending to them the 
religion of her Savior. On one occasion a gen- 
tleman of high professional pretensions took 
his seat at her side, and commenced a conver- 
sation about the " truth" Perceiving that he 
was a stranger to it experimentally, she said, 
" Bless the Lord ! / have found the truth, and 



142 



MEMOIRS OF 



the truth has made me free." Her decided 
course procured for her the designation, "the 
little Methodist lady from Ohio." This appel- 
lation was not employed by way of reproach, 
for her consistent piety commanded their high 
respect. 

It was the uniform custom of this sister, 
when there was the least delay on the opening 
of a love-feast, or other meeting for voluntary 
speaking, to rise first and give her testimony, 
which was always that of full sanctification to 
God, through faith in Jesus Christ. Referring 
to this habit, she said, "They know I am a 
soldier for Jesus." A short time before her death 
she was told that she had been called a bold 
woman. "Have I?" said she. "Well, I am 
glad of that, for I have prayed the Lord to 
make me a bold soldier." 

She was the subject of frequent and power- 
ful baptisms of the Holy Spirit in her family 
as well as in social meetings, and in the sanc- 
tuary. She was remarkable for perseverance 
in prayer, and for the exercise of that faith 

"Which cannot ask in vain;" 
and, of course, was accustomed to prevail with 
God in behalf of herself and others. As a 
result, she was eminently useful in laboring 



MRS. AXGELINE B. SEARS. 143 

with mourners at the altar, and with seekers of 
full salvation wherever she met them. 

But nowhere did sister T appear more 

clearly in the light of a follower of Christ, 
than in her efforts for the salvation of the poor, 
to whom she devoted much time and care. As 
a manager of the Female Benevolent Society, 
she found access to their dwellings, and her 
ministrations to their temporal necessities opened 
for her avenues to their hearts. Among this 
class especially she manifested the wisdom that 
"winneth souls.'' The following incident, giv- 
en as nearly as can be recollected, from the 

lips of sister T , furnishes an example of 

her method and success : 

"I took a basket of necessaries, and went to 
the residence of a sick man, who was a Univer- 
salist. Having supplied the wants of his fam- 
ily, and conversed with him respecting his 
health, I addressed him on the subject of his 
eternal interests. He was angry, and told me 
he did not wish to hear any thing on that sub- 
ject. I replied, 'Why, my dear brother, I do 
not wish to injure, but to do you good. I love 
vour soul ; and while I minister to the wants of 
four dying body, I care for that also.' - He still 
ippeared offended, and I withdrew. Tn a few 



144 



MEMOIRS OF 



days I returned again, with a basket of provis 
ions. He received it thankfully, and conversed 
kindly. ,, 

From that time she continued to instruct 
him, and to pray with him, till he was clearly 
converted to God. The result was, he died in 
the triumphs of a Gospel faith. 

Much more was due to the memory of this 
most devoted and exemplary disciple, but my 
feeble pen need not attempt her eulogy, since 
G-od will take care that the "memory of the 
just be blessed." 

"May 16. 

"My ever dear Friend, — I have made at- 
tempts to write to you in time to reach you in 
New York, as you requested, but have been 
prevented. This morning make another effort, 
though quite indisposed, and scarce know why 
I do — having little or nothing of interest to 
say — except it be through the hope of soon 
again hearing from you. 

"You say, grace is omnipotent. So you 
prove. Would that I could respond heartily 
through an experimental, present knowledge of 
its truth! But an unsubdued will cries out, 
' there is one enemy it has not vanquished.' Am 
ashamed to say so after proving so much, and 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



145 



so often, the loving-kindness of the Lord — bnt 
so it is, this treacherous heart is not yet a whole 
sacrifice to God. Still the Spirit strives, and 
leaves me not a day without conviction of the 
necessity of holiness, and, often, strong desires 
and efforts for it. Still the wort is not accom- 
plished, and my poor, sluggish spirit relapses 
into its native dormancy. But this story has 
been told you so often, I will not longer impose 
it upon you. 

"Mr. S is endeavoring to 'so rim as to 

obtain,' though he is not as joyful as he was 
some time ago, and lias not been much encour- 
aged in his labors during the year — that is, sees 
but little fruit. His congregations have in- 
creased considerably, but, with few exceptions, 
he has not heard the penitent's cry, or inquiries 
for the way of life. This sometimes tempts 
him to believe he may not be in his appointed 
line of duty. Pray for him on this point. 

"I found Mrs. a firm Methodist. In 

speaking of Mrs. P 's works, which she 

reads and circulates, she expressed a desire to 
become acquainted, and said she should call 
and seek an interview. I told her of the Tues- 
day afternoon meetings, hoping she would find 
them. I wish vou would happen to meet her 
10 



146 



MEMOIRS OF 



there, or, rather, that Providence would so order 
it. She needs Methodizing externally. If just 
right in all things, her standing and influence 
would render her eminently useful. She told 
ma that she had experienced the blessing of 
holiness, hut has not publicly professed it, save 
in class, and does not now enjoy its fullness. I 
think an association with sister P— — would 
open her vision on some points; and for the 
sake of the cause she might do much in pro- 
moting, I mention it to you, hoping you may 
feel a special interest, should you be in New 
York when she is there. 

" Ma's health is improving very much. She 
is very anxious to see you. She will be nearly 

alone this summer, B- expects to go east 

with E . If your time and strength will 

permit, write soon again. Tell me when you 
return west, or what are your expectations in 
regard to it. I want to see you. Mr. S — — 
wishes to be remembered in Christian love to 
your husband, as does, also, 

" Your unworthy, but affectionate 

"An&eline." 



MRS. ANGrELINE B. SEARS. 



147 



CHAPTER XL 

New Richmond circuit — Illness and danger — Partial recovery — 
Revival — Hastens to the scene — Exposure and consequent ill- 
ness — Detained by the flood — Returns to her father's alarmingly 
ill — Recapitulation — Peace in believing-— Entire sanctification. 

In 1847 Mr. Sears was appointed to the 
New Richmond circuit. During the conference 

session, Mrs. S experienced a recurrence 

of intermittent fever, and every chill was at- 
tended with congestion of the lungs. Greatly 
enfeebled, she returned to her father's immedi- 
ately after conference adjourned. The family 
physician was called, and stated that, unless she 
could obtain immediate relief, she would fall 
into decline — that a few more paroxysms would 
produce that result. Aware of her strong pre- 
disposition to pulmonary disease, her friends 
were alarmed, and the most vigorous efforts 
were employed to arrest the disease. 

The treatment was so far successful, that early 
in October she accompanied her husband to his 
circuit, and appeared to engage in her domestic 
duties with her usual strength and cheerfulness. 
But her friends still felt apprehensive that she 
was not as free from disease as she. thought 
herself to be ; and as — owing to some delay in 



148 



MEMOIRS OF 



moving — she was not entirely prepared for 
housekeeping, she was persuaded to return, 
and spend a few more weeks with her friends. 
At the first quarterly meeting on the circuit, a 
revival commenced. She received a letter from 

Mr. S- , giving an account of the work, and 

expressing the pleasure it would give him to 
have her present to participate in the labors 
and triumphs of the scene; and taking leave 
of her friends with great apparent cheerfulness, 
without the least hesitation or delay, she has- 
tened to join him. Her ride was in a shackling 
omnibus, and the day was cold. 

On meeting Mr. S she said, " I had pe- 
culiar misgivings about making the effort to 
come ; but it has been a very happy day — one 
of the happiest of my life. I do not know the 
reason, unless because I tried to do my duty. 
I have had an unusual spirit of love and prayer 
for all with whom I have met. Even the poor 
beggar that I saw in the street called forth a 
prayer in his behalf. You know how backward I 
am ; and what I am about to tell you may cause 
you surprise. A strange woman was with me 
in the omnibus, [the only passenger except Mrs. 
S ,] and I labored faithfully for the salva- 
tion of her soul. We were several hours to- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



149 



gether, and I conversed with her, and read to 
her all the way. She seemed much affected, 
even to tears, and, I think, became much inter- 
ested about her soul. I had peculiar power in 
presenting the Savior, and an unexpected free- 
dom in the use of the Scriptures. I think J 
have labored to-day in a manner somewhat be- 
coming the wife of a Methodist minister." 

That night she attended meeting, and labored 
with mourners at the altar, and was much 
blessed ; but remarked, on retiring to rest, that, 
from shooting pains which she felt through the 
chest, she thought she had taken cold. In a 
day or two she started with her husband to a 
protracted meeting, at Newtown, a small village 
near the Ohio river. The weather proved very 
inclement — rain, followed by deep snow. But, 
feeble as she was, no persuasions could induce 
her to remain from the sanctuary, or to with- 
hold her labors when there. At that meeting 
she pointed the mourner at the altar to the 
cross for the last time, and, for the last time in 
public, lifted up her voice in prayer for the 
seeker of salvation. 

Before the meeting closed, the Miami river, 
which she must cross in returning to her fath- 
■?r's, had become so much swollen as to be im- 



150 



MEMOIRS OF 



passable ; and though her health had suffered, 
and her state was alarming — and the weather 
also continued severe — she was compelled to 
proceed with her husband to his next two ap- 
pointments. Her exposure was very great, 
riding, as she did, in a buggy, and lodging in 
cold rooms, without fire, while the irritation of 
her lungs already made respiration difficult. 
When she learned that the high waters would 
prevent her return to the city, she felt it keenly, 
and struggled in vain to conceal her concern; 
but she strove to manifest her accustomed 
cheerfulness. 

On the 17th of December, she said, "This, 
I am convinced, is the beginning of a serious 
illness. I am deeply impressed that I shall 
never get well. About a year will finish my 
earthly course.' ' These remarks were often re- 
peated, as the violence of her symptoms in- 
creased, but with no indications of alarm. 

It was not till December 24th that the waters 
were so far assuaged, that she could be returned 
to her father's. The physician was again called, 
and pronounced her disease acute inflammation 
of the lungs. From this time her recovery 
was regarded as doubtful; but her mind was 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 



151 



kept in great peace, stayed on the Lord. She 
often repeated, "I have peace in believing." 
Xo murmur, day after day, escaped her lips. 
She lay calmly waiting the will of her heavenly 
Father as to the issue of her affliction, but con- 
tinued, occasionally, to express the conviction 
that she should not survive more than a year: 
and her hungerino-s and thirstings after the 
righteousness of entire sanctification, became 
more and more intense, especially when there 
were indications of recovery. 

It was the custom in her father's house to 
have a family prayer meeting, daily, at noon 
and at night. These were seasons apart from 
the regular family worship, and in them all the 
pious of the household, and all the devout 
guests present, united. They were usually held 
in Mrs. Sears' room, were signally owned and 
blessed of the Lord, and highly prized by 
his suffering handmaid. It was just after one 
of these gracious seasons that she received 
"the second blessing," and entered the rest of 
faith. The following sketch we find subjoined 
to that from which we have extracted. It con- 
tains a brief recapitulation of her experience, 
and appears to have been written with especial 



152 



MEMOIRS OF 



reference to this event. Referring to her con- 
version, she says: 

"I continued in this joyful frame, without in- 
terruption, several days. I was soon, however, 
convinced that, notwithstanding my purposes, 
desires, and affections were changed and ele- 
vated, sin was not destroyed. Though I found 
my heart, in a measure, subdued, it was not 
perfectly so. Anger, resentment, pride, and 
particularly impatience, which had been an 
early characteristic of my temper, still retained 
some hold. I was not backslidden from the 
grace I had received ; I was diligently using all 
the means of grace, as public worship and pri- 
vate prayer, and my purpose was strengthened 
daily to serve the Lord. I separated myself 
from the world in dress, spirit, and association, 
and so far controlled my tempers as to be able 
to restrain their outward manifestations. 

'•'Yet there was a constant war within. It 
often seemed to me that the more vigorous were 
my efforts to overcome, the stronger my cor- 
ruptions grew, which those more experienced 
in the Christian life explained to me as the 
teachings of the Holy Spirit, showing me the 
depth of the depravity of my nature/ ' 



MRS. ANGEUNE B. SEARS. 



153 



In the early part of her religious experience, 

it has been stated that Mrs. S was diligent 

in reading the Bible and other religious books. 

Now beginning to feel, 

(< 'Tis worse than death my God to love, 
And not my God alone," 

she read with a more definite object. She was 
not solicitous to know with how little religion 
she could get to heaven, but how much of it 
she might enjoy on her way thither. She 
dreaded lest the enemies, which she found lurk- 
ing within her heart, should get the entire 
mastery over her; and weary of the conflict, 
she panted for the full liberty of the children 
of God. Very appropriate to her were the 
words, 

" The bondage of corruption break; 
For this our spirits groan" 

How encouraging is this thirst for righteous- 
ness! How carefully should it be cherished, 
and cultivated by self-denial — by earnest closet 
prayer — by the study of the word, and by a 
diligent use of the public means of grace. AH 

these methods Mrs. S had applied in her 

own case, being, in her practice, an example of 
self-denial, and exercising herself in those pri- 



154 



MEMOIRS OF 



vate and public devotional exercises, which were 
calculated to increase her appetite for holiness, 
and cause her soul to thirst after the living 
God. More and more did she come to feel, 
that a heart uncleansed is a state of bondage, 
and that she could not rest until her chains 
were broken, and her captive soul brought out 
of prison, and made divinely free. 

She says, " I began now to search my Bible 
to learn whether this bondage to sin — this body 
of death — must continue through life. When- 
ever I opened its pages, I was met with com- 
mands and promises, such as, 'Be ye holy/ 
'Without holiness no man shall see the Lord,' 
' The oath which he sware to our father Abra- 
ham, that he would grant unto us, that we, be- 
ing delivered out of the hand of our enemies, 
might serve him without fear, in holiness and 
righteousness before him, all the days of our 
life.' I sought for practical illustrations of the 
life of holiness in such memoirs as Hester Ann 
Rogers, Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher, Lady Maxwell, 
and others. The Guide to Christian Perfection 
was my monthly and welcomed visitor. The 
experiences of Christians of different denomi- 
nations there given, were invariably quickening 
to my heart, and as new springs of hope that I 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



155 



might reach a higher state of grace, even 'rest 
from inbred sin.' 

' With outstretched hands and streaming eyes 
Oft I began to grasp the prize/ 

But various, and I thought peculiar and insu- 
perable hinderances, were in the way of my re- 
ceiving. Naturally timid, shrinking from the 
cross, and faltering in every attempt to bear 
it — -never venturing to call myself a child of 
God except when peculiarly blessed — above all, 
fearfully unbelieving, I passed through several 
seasons of seeking for this deliverance from sin, 
when it seemed brought so near that I needed 
only to stretch forth the hand of faith to receive 
the blessing. But my shrinking, reasoning, 
doubting heart as often refused to venture upon 
the truth of God, lest it should fail, or lest I 
should not have courage, if I did receive, to 
discharge the duty of confession, and other 
duties incident to so high a state. As often 
as I thus grieved the Holy Spirit, it seemed 
to me that the powers of darkness combined 
with the power of inbred sin to sink me into 
deeper gloom, and drive me farther from the 
Savior. 

"In this vacillating state I have lived about 
ten years, nearly six of which I was bearing 



156 



MEMOIRS OF 



the responsibilities of a minister's wife. And 
O how have my energies been crippled, and my 
influence circumscribed; while my example, 
perhaps, hindered the faith of many of my sis- 
ters, with whom I have been associated, and 
whom I should have led into the enjoyment of 
their high Gospel privileges. 

"But how could I exhort others to love the 
Lord with all their heart, when I did not thus 
love him? How tell them that Jesus would 
save to the uttermost, when I had not proved 
him such a Savior? How tell them of the 
beauties of holiness, when my own eye of faith 
had not been opened to behold those beauties? 

0 the bondage of such a state — of such a 

heart of unbelief! 

* The more I strove against its power, 
I felt its weight and guilt the more/ 

1 often wondered if another heart felt it as did 
mine ; and many, many times I cried, ' If there 
is virtue in the Savior's blood to cleanse my 
evil heart of unbelief, no one need despair.' 

"Last fall, as my husband entered upon the 
duties of a new charge, my desires for perfect 
conformity to God's will and word became 
more and more intense. In answer to prayer 
his work deepened in my heart, while I en- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



157 



deavored, with unwonted boldness, to recom- 
mend the Savior, and speak of his grace. 

" During my recent illness, my mind was 
kept in great peace, leaning on Jesus for repose. 
Though 'the Lord hath chastened me sore, yet 
he hath not given me over unto death ;' and as I 
found my health being apparently restored, I felt 
more desirous to consecrate myself, ' my residue 
of days,' to Him. One morning I awoke with 
the following promise upon my mind : ' Then 
will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye 
shall be clean : from all your filthiness, and from 
all your idols, will I cleanse you.' I said in 
my heart, * I will try to prove this to-day, per- 
haps at the noonday, or evening season of 
prayer, which is the custom in my father's 
house, and which had been a peculiar blessing 
in my sick-room.' 

" The day, with its privileges, passed without 
a realization of the promise offered me by the 
Spirit in the morning. I mentioned this to my 

dear sister H , as she sat by me in the 

evening, speaking of the comforts of grace, and 
the sureness of the promises. She said, 'That 
was the moment you should have claimed it.' 

" I mentioned other promises which had been, 
in former years, as vividly presented to me, but, 



158 



MEMOIRS OF 



like it, rejected — one especially, 'All things are 

possible to him that believeth.' Sister H 

repeated the promise, and the Holy Spirit ac- 
companied the repetition. I said in my heart, 
'I will now venture upon this truth. I know- 
it is truth, for He who is the Truth hath said 
it ; and being such, it is possible for me to be 
sprinkled — cleansed from all my filthiness, and 
from all my idols J Venturing on the promise, 
I was immediately blessed. A shock like elec- 
tricity passed through my frame, as though the 
Holy Spirit would literally cleanse and heal the 
' wounds, and bruises, and putrefying sores/ as 
Inspiration describes our moral nature infected 
throughout. The Spirit witnessed to the truth, 
while with the heart I was enabled to believe, 
and with the mouth to make confession in 
thanksgiving and praise. 

"0 how precious — how unspeakably pre- 
cious — was He who 'was manifested to take 
away our sins!' How precious, as his suffer- 
ings for me were then displayed to my vision — 
as He at that moment gave himself to me, who 
had given himself for me ! 0 the perfect sim- 
plicity of the way which unbelief had so many 
years made difficult! — 'the shorter way/ as 
one emphatically calls it. It is only believe 



MRS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 



159 



and be cleansed — only believe and live. Praise 
the Lord, 0 my soul, for this great salvation! 

"For two weeks after I received this bless- 
ing my mind was kept in perfect peace, stayed 
on Christ, looking momentarily to the cross. 
Then an occasion presented when it seemed 
necessary to begin more publicly to make con- 
fession, which I did tremblingly, but was after- 
ward blessed with a day of joy- — joy unspeak- 
able. Then commenced the conflict. That 
\ adversary who goeth about ' has not overlooked 
me, though I am 'a little one;' for he knows 
-that God chooses ' the weak things ' of this world 
to do damage to his kingdom, He knows that 
God can so increase strength to them that have 
no might— them that believe — as to render them 
invincible in battle against the world, the flesh, 
and the devil. He knows full well that if he 
can keep us fighting with him singly, he will 
triumph and secure his prey; but when we 
flee to the Strong for strength — when we take 
shelter in Jesus' wounded side — we are safe. 

( 'Tis there I would always abide, 
And never a moment depart ; 
Concealed in the cleft of his side, 
Eternally held in his heart.' " 

"February 20, 1848. — I have been sick since 



160 



MEMOIRS OF 



about the middle of December — took cold at 
a meeting in Newtown — returned home on 
the 24th. On the following Tuesday the doc- 
tor was called. The beginning of this year I 
spent on a bed of affliction, but my Savior was 
with me, verifying, 

* The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose, 
I will not, I will not desert to his foes/ 

Though I have been afflicted, many mercies 
have been mingled with the cup. I was per- 
mitted to reach my father's house, where kind 
friends cared for me. I have been blessed with 
the society of my dear sister H— — , and with 
frequent prayer and religious converse in my 
room. 

" Though my dear Mr. S was obliged to 

be much absent from me, he has been permit- 
ted to come often, so that our separations have 
been short though painful. Above all these, I 
praise the Lord he has shown me during this 
sickness the way of salvation by faith, as I was 
never able to apprehend it before. 

" I was blessed as above described on Thurs- 
day evening, January 13, 1848, after our fam- 
ily prayer meeting, while lying on my sick-bed, 

sister H sitting by me — Bishop H 

and our own family sitting in the room con- 



MRS. AN&ELXNE B. SEARS. 



161 



versing— my dear husband absent on his cir- 
cuit. 

"Soon after this I wrote to sister L , 

telling her of the blessings of the Lord to me. 
I did it with much trembling. The adversary 
withstood me, and many times I was on the 
point of desisting ; but being urged on by Mrs. 
H — — , I gave her, as explicitly as I could, the 
account, and it was rendered a great blessing 
to my own soul." 



CHAPTER XII. 

Diary — Recognition of mercies — Letter to Mrs. L Diary — 

Visit of friends — Letters to her husband — Temptations — Feeble- 
ness. 

Mrs. Sears was urcred to write this account 
to her friend, from the conviction that testify- 
ing of the grace of Christ which she had re- 
ceived, would be rendered a blessing to her 
own soul, according to that word, "With the 
heart man believeth unto righteousness, and 
with the mouth confession is made unto salva- 
tion;" and also from the assurance, that while 
she made her "boast in the Lord, the humble 
should hear thereof and be glad." - In the 
advice thus given, there was also a reference 
11 



162 



MEMOIRS OF 



had to the prayer of the apostle for Philemon ; 
namely, "That the communication of thy faith 
may become effectual, by the acknowledging 
of every good thing which is in you in Christ 
Jesus ;" and an ardent desire that the sister to 
whom the letter was addressed might, through 
its instrumentality, be made "a partaker of 
like precious faith." Having written to Mrs. 

L , and spoken to a few friends who had 

called, of the salvation she had received, Mrs. 
Sears experienced that "it is a good thing to 
give thanks unto the Lord and the language 
of her heart began to be, " Come and hear, all 
ye that fear God, and I will declare what he 
hath done for my soul." And soon she was 
enabled to add, with increased confidence and 
joy, "I have not hid thy righteousness within 
my heart ; I have declared thy faithfulness and 
thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lov- 
ing kindness and thy truth from the great con- 
gregation." She could not meet with the peo- 
ple of God, and proclaim his goodness in the 
class-room and love-feast, but she wrote an 
account of her experience of full salvation, 
which was published in the Christian Mirror, 
a religious monthly then issued from the press 
in the bounds of the Genesee conference. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



163 



The following is the letter to which reference 
has been made. I give it entire, except the 
experience just presented from her diary, a 
minute relation of which is written to Mrs. 
L * for her encouragement : 

" Dear Sister Lowry,- — Sister H kindly- 
invites me to partake of her sheet to say a few 
things to you, which I do with pleasure. 

"We are very thankful for the good work 

in brother L 's charge, and that you are a 

partaker of its revivings, and abundant in its 
labors. I am rejoiced to hear, through sister 

H , that you are seeking for a clean heart. 

Let not Satan, the reasonings of unbelief, the 
world — no, not even the Church, move you 
from this sacred resolve, which the Holy Spirit 
alone has inspired in you. I say the Holy 
Spirit alone, for none but he could move the 
heart toward even a desire for purity— for 
holiness. 

"You will be surprised at the boldness of 
my exhortation, as I have been very, very diffi- 
dent in religious things; but a late work has 
been wrought in me, in gratitude for which I 
am constrained to tell you ; though Satan bids 
me be silent, which he has invariably, and too 
successfully, in reference to the blessings of 



164 



MEMOIRS OF 



the Lord to me. But the word declares, 
'Whoso ofFereth praise, glorifieth me.' I know 
it is acceptable to God that we tell of his 
work — his grace; and the more unworthy the 
subject of it, the more that grace is exalted. 

"For several years I have been struggling, 
more or less earnestly, to prove the Savior all- 
sufficient — a full Savior — a Savior from inbred 
sin. Disobedience and unbelief hare barred 
his entrance to my heart. Though I knew it 
not, in my own strength, and by my own 
works, I was striving to cast out sin. But the 
more I strove, the more I felt its power; and 
0, what a power! I often doubted whether 
another human heart felt it as did mine ; and 
many, many times I cried, ' If my bondage to 
sin is ever broken — if there is virtue in the Sa- 
vior's blood sufficient to cleanse my evil heart 
of unbelief — none, no, not one need despair. 
For some time I had been unusually engaged for 
this blessing. His work, whose alone it is, was 
deepening in my heart. I had now more than 
usual comfort in recommending the Savior to 
some on our circuit, when I was seized with 
congestion of the lungs. " 

Here follows the narrative of experience; 
and the letter proceeds : 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 165 

"My heart and lips praised; for though 

f I had naught but sin to give, 
Naught but love did I receive.* 

I have peace in believing. 0 the perfect sim- 
plicity of the way ! It is only, believe and be 
healed — only, believe and live. Let us praise 
the Lord for the great salvation purchased for 
us by the Savior's precious blood. I never 
felt as I now do, that every moment I need the 
merit of that blood. And now shall I not 
glorify him, in my body and spirit, which are 
his? I will, in the strength of his grace, en- 
deavor to do it with my whole heart, my resi- 
due of days, though Satan and the world with- 
stand ; for greater is He that is for and in me, 
than all that are against me. 

"My dear sister L , bear with me. I 

have written much more than I intended, though 
with many misgivings, lest I should not say 
what would be profitable to you. But the 
theme is glorious to my heart. My dear sister, 
do not try by your own works to cleanse your 
heart. Give it to Him, just as it is. Do not 
think you must struggle long or hard ; for after 
all you can do, you will have to come to the 
point of receiving Christ by a simple act of 
faith. Venture now. This moment believe, 



166 



MEMOIRS OF 



and Jesus is your Savior from all sin, with his 
fullness of love. He came to 'save his people 
from their sins.' He will not disappoint your 
faith. Only unbelief can prevent his doing a 
mighty work in your heart. Obstacles numer- 
ous will present themselves why you should 
not now believe. Remember the poor Gentile 
woman, whose daughter was sore vexed with a 
devil. Though the Savior himself seemed to 
put hinderances in the way of her faith — no 
doubt to try it — yet she staggered not, but be- 
lieved, and received the commendation, '0 
woman, great is thy faitl^ and also the thing 
which she asked, that very hour. Now receive, 
my sister, the perfect cure of whatsoever malady 
you have. 

"Give our kind regards to brother L , 

and tell him we rejoice in his prosperity. Mr. 

S is on his circuit. I know he would 

be glad to hear from brother L . Much 

love to our dear sister Armstrong. My heart 
is drawn to write to her. We have talked 
much of the things of God. She has known 
some of my perplexities in the way. I hope 
she is now victorious. 

"My strength will not permit my writing 
more. It is but my second attempt to write 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 



167 



since my illness. Love to sister Thurman. 
Tell her to believe and be saved — saved to the 

uttermost. Xow, dear sister L , I ask you, 

not for form's sake, to pray for me, that the 
Lord would keep me steadfast, increase my 
faith, and fill me with his love continually ; and 
may you, and yours, and mine prove daily, and 
to the end, 'what is that good, and accepta- 
ble, and perfect will of God' in Christ Jesus 
concerning us! 

" I would be happy to hear from you. Please 
write to me, and direct to the care of Moses 
"Brooks, Cincinnati. 

"Your sister in Christ, A. B. Sears." 

The diary proceeds: "Early in the present 
month we were visited by brother and sister 
Spencer, and brother and sister Strickland — 
the latter, brother S , happy in full salva- 
tion, received a few days before at X . We 

had a happy day of prayer and praise. Two 
days after, several of our pious friends came 
out in company from the city, some of them 
as mourners or penitents. The whole day was 
spent in prayer, exhortation, and praise. One 
of them received peace in believing, and others 
seemed to be much comforted. It was a 
blessed season. 



108 



MEMOIRS OF 



This was a memorable day. Mrs. Sears had 
recovered sufficient strength to leave her room ; 
and the desire of her soul that others might 
find the way of faith which she proved to be 
so glorious, led her, feeble as she was, to pour 
forth her fervent supplications in their behalf, 
and to labor in conversation to point out to 
them the way ; and as a seal to her first day's 
labor in this work, one was enabled to believe 
for justification, while she was thus engaged 
with her. 

The two following letters to her husband 
give a more particular account of her spiritual 
exercises, for a few weeks after she had re- 
ceived the blessing she had so long and so 
earnestly sought : 

" Mt. Auburn, Friday evening, Feb. 11, 1848. 

"Mir Dear, Dear Husband, — Though I 
know the Bishop can tell you all about us, I 
thought it would be a little more like seeing 
you if I would write. You will think me im- 
proving in health, when I tell you that I went 

up to make Bishop and Mrs. H -e a visit in 

their room to-day, and then down to tea. 

-Mrs. R /Mrs. S , and Mrs. M 

came out for prayer and encouragement this 
afternoon. Mrs. R- — — savs she must have 



MRS. ANGELINE B, SEARS. 169 

holiness of heart — says she is willing to give 
up every thing, and do every thing for Christ's 
sake. 0 that divine wisdom and grace may 
dwell so fully in me as to make me a nursing 
mother in Israel ! How long I refused to re- 
ceive the full salvation of Christ, fearing I 
might be called to do something in his vine- 
yard ! JSTow I am willing to do any thing, if he 
will bestow the wisdom and the grace. I want 
to feel more and more fully his words, 'With- 
out me, ye can do nothing.' I do feel it, but I 
want to realize its full meaning. 

- " Brother and sister D and sister F 

spent yesterday with us. We enjoyed their 
society — were very glad to see them. I thought 
perhaps we might have had some reliance upon 
them, as being so full of faith. It was a day 
of powerful temptation to me. The great ene- 
my followed me every moment, with every har- 
assing suggestion fitted to close my mouth from 
praying in the presence of others ; and if I had 
been as I once was, he would have succeeded 
in getting a resolution that I never would again 
attempt it. He could not touch my faith in a 
present Savior ; so he took me upon that score. 
I laid myself as low as I could in self-abhor- 
ring and self-abasement before the Lord, will- 



170 



MEMOIRS OF 



ing to do or not do, according to his will, if he 
pleased to give me utterance or not. Then I 
said to the tempter, 'I'll take up the cross 
when it is laid upon me, in the strength of 
grace, in spite of you.' To be content to be 
little — nothing — is a difficult lesson ; but, then, 
alone can Christ be all in all. 

"I will not take back my burden of guilt, 
which he has removed, but I wish to cultivate 
a deep, abiding 

' Sensibility of sin, 
A pain to feel it near;' 

and avoid, in all things, the least appearance 
of evil. Sometimes I feel such a sense of the 
purity of God, as to wonder what heart can 
abide the searchings of his Spirit, which is 'a 
discerner of the thoughts and intents of the 
heart.' 

' But let us sit beneath his cross, 

And gladly catch the healing stream;' 

for this, and this alone, ' can make the foulest 
clean.' Praise the Lord, 0 my soul ! I feel to- 
night this blood avails for me. Faith, simple 
faith, brings his blood's availing plea into my 
heart. I retired last night under the distressing 
temptation I have mentioned, but awoke some 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. lYl 

time in the course of the night with these words : 

f Jesus, the all-restoring word/ 
which gave me much comfort. 

64 1 am not much changed to the observation 
of others, but to myself there is indeed a 
mighty change — one which only Omnipotent 
grace could have effected. What! my unbe- 
lieving, fearful, disobedient heart, that could 
never dare to cast a look of faith to the cross, 
lest it should meet a repulse, now delighting to 
lie before it, gazing upon its expiring victim, 
claiming the virtue of His blood as it flows 
down into my poor, worthless soul; and, as I 
hear him cry, 'It is finished/ realizing that the 
wounds which sin hath made there are all 
healed. The tempter says it is too much to be 
true, but my Savior says, 'All things are pos- 
sible to him that belie veth ; 5 and when he said 
'I will sprinkle, and will cleanse you from all 
your filthiness and from all your idols, I took 
his word, believed, and, in spite of the enemy, 
I will say, was cleansed. But the accuser says 
I was not aware how deep the wounds of sin 
were. Well, the Savior's piercing eye could 
penetrate their depth, and he will not heal the 
hurt of the daughter of his people slightly. 
He would be an unskillful physician, indeed, 



172 



MEMOIRS OF 



who could but half cure his patient, and leave 
him to manage himself as best he might. 

" Saturday morning. — I found it was between 
ten and eleven o'clock when I had written the 
above. In looking over it, I find great incohe- 
rency of expression; but you can understand. 
Had a sweet time in prayer this morning be- 
fore day. I cast my helpless soul on Jesus, 
that he may save me this day from sin. 0 
that I may watch and pray ! Hope you will be 
greatly blessed in your meeting — that yourself 
and ministering brethren may be baptized 
afresh, perishing souls snatched from eternal 
wrath, and the brethren built up in holiness. 
Watch, my dear, as well as pray — be humble 
and full of faith. Let us think little of our- 
selves, but much of Christ. The more our 
minds dwell upon his character, the more our 
hearts shall be made like him. Preach with as 
keen a sense of God's scrutinizing eye upon 
you as you can. Forget, if possible, the pres- 
ence of those about you, except to minister to 
the wants of their souls. I would be glad to 
be with you, but, as Providence orders it other- 
wise, do not indulge a wish. His ' will be done !' 

"Pray much for your affectionate 

" Angeline." 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



173 



"Mount Auburn, Feb. 17, 1848. 

"My Dear Husband,— I am very thankful 
for the prosperity of your meeting, and equally 
so for that of your own soul. 

" My heart seems shut up to a naked, obsti- 
nate, and not very vigorous faith to-day — sug- 
gestions of every kind thrown into my mind, 
such as, * Now you are finely committed before 
the world, and if you continue to profess that 
you have received the great blessing, it will be 
only for pride's sake ; and you'll find yourself 
mistaken in the end ;' and many others of like 
character. But I think they cannot come from 
the Holy Spirit, for he certainly never chides 
them for whom Christ died, for believing on 
him, or for acknowledging what they believe he 
has wrought. I therefore conclude that they 
are from the accuser — the devourer, and look 
up, and by faith claim Him as my Savior still. 
If the devil cannot destroy our souls, or our 
hope, he next tries to retard us in the race, by 
trying to keep our eye turned away from Jesus, 
and looking back to the things which are be- 
hind ; for he well knows that while we are look- 
ing back, we cannot successfully press forward. 
0 for a divine energy and ardor to run, diligently, 
the race set before me, ' looking unto J esus !' 



in 



MEMOIRS OF 



"For two weeks after I received that bless- 
ing, I was kept in perfect peace. Then my 
joy became more full, and then came the con- 
flict- — then commenced the warfare. But, thank 
the Lord! I fight not at my own charges. I 
have a Captain who never lost a battle, and who 
will never suffer me to be overcome, or defeated, 
while I believingly obey his word. 0 let us 
constantly and unwaveringly cleave to Him! 
He will never leave nor forsake us. His hand 
is ever stretched out for our help. His strength 
is our strength, and can never fail. Let us for- 
sake all in this world, for Him who forsook the 
heavenly world for us — let us sacrifice freely to 
Him who sacrificed himself for us ; or, rather, 
should we not say, let naught be counted a 
sacrifice — let our language be, 

' Too much to thee I cannot give; 
Too much I cannot do for thee; 
Let all thy love and all thy grief 
Graven on my heart for ever be V 

Then all we can do for or give to Him, will be 
but rendering back his own. Such views, my 
dear, if heartily entertained, will support you 
in vour toils and trials. The work of winning 
souls, or building up believers, will become 
more easy and delightful. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



175 



"Mrs. is anxious that I should write 

my experience for Dr. L 's periodical. I 

have been, for a day or two, attempting, as my 
strength permits, to do something toward it, 
which may be a reason why the devil besieges 
me with such force. The suggestion is, that I 
am sufficiently committed before the world, 
without blazing abroad in print. But this is 
pointless, as the name will not be given. I 
do not know that I shall be able to write any 
thing she will think suitable to send. Shall 
leave it to her entirely. 

1 "How does your meeting at Olive Branch 
progress? The Bishop thought the prospects 

very cheering. I pray daily for brother G • 

[Mr. Sears' colleague] and yourself, and sister 

G also ; especially that you two may be 

harmonious, faithful, successful laborers in the 
great cause. Yes, the great cause! 0 how 
my heart swells while I think of its magnitude ! 

0 let nothing iveaken your efforts! Immortal 
souls, and the honor of Christ's kingdom, just 
so far as your influence extends, are at stake. 

1 am ashamed and grieved that I have not felt 
it so in reference to us both since we have been 
professed laborers in the Lord's vineyard, and 
that I do not feel it with greater power now. 



176 



MEMOIRS OF 



Lord give us a more solemn and abiding sense 
of the importance of eternal things — of the 
worth of souls — of the heinousness of sin — of 
what it cost the Son of God to redeem us! 
Keep us faithful to thee, blessed Savior ! 

" Since I wrote you last, have been threat- 
ened with the prevailing influenza, These sud- 
den changes affect my lungs very sensibly. Can 
scarcely leave my room without feeling the worse. 

"When you go to Laurel, give my love to 
the friends. Tell sisters Gasner and Nichols 
that I want their prayers, and tell them to be- 
lieve and be saved. Love to sisters Pease and 
Boden. 

"The Lord bless my dear husband, and fill 
him with all the fullness of his infinite, bound- 
less love, prays 

"Your affectionate Angeline." 

" Thursday, P. M. — P. S. Write often till 
you come. I did not send my letter this morn- 
ing, thinking I might find something more to 
say. Nothing, but that I am trying to hold the 
beginning of my confidence steadfast. 

1 Here only is my hope, my joy, my rest V 

" My cough grows less, but I can't bear ex- 
posure. 

" Good-bye, my love. A." 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 177 



CHAPTER XIII. 

Change in experience — Diary — Attends church — Increased fee- 
bleness — Departure of friends — Diary — Temptations — Letters — 
To Mrs. H.— To her husband— To Mrs. Rev. C. B. 

During a large portion of the remainder of 
her life, Mrs. Sears might be said to be " in all 
things more than conqueror." But conquest 
implies conflict; and that she had a full share 
is shown by the following extracts from her 
diary — which she kept for a few weeks after 
writing the foregoing sketch — and letters, which 
we shall continue to give at length, as the best 
exposition of her experience, till within a few 
weeks of her death. 

It will be seen that, though these letters 

contain occasional expressions of doubt and 

despondency, yet, on the whole, they indicate 

an improved state of grace — a faith in Christ, 

which rendered her comparatively "steadfast 

and immovable !" She did not view herself as 

less unworthy, but more so. She did not lose 

sight of the evil of sin, but saw it, more than 

ever, in a light to be abhorred. But, with 

these clearer views of self and sin, she had, 

also, clearer views of Christ and his atonement ; 

and with a stronger faith, such as she had 
12 



178 



MEMOIRS OF 



never before experienced, she took such a hold 

of him, as her Prophet, Priest, and King, that 

she could say, in the language of a sanctified 

mother in Israel, " All the merit, and strength, 

and peace, and joy, and life of Christ, are mine." 

This is what we mean by " entire sanctifica- 

tion." It is not that we think less of sin, but 

more of Christ; not that we deem ourselves, 

by nature, less guilty or depraved, but that we 

behold, in the atoning blood, infinite merit, and 

in the agency which is to apply that blood, 

Omnipotence. So that we may always say, 

" O Love, thou bottomless abyss ! 

My sins are swallowed up in thee; 
Covered is my unrighteousness, 

JSTor spot of guilt remains on me; 
While Jesus' blood, through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free, boundless mercy, cries !" 

"February 21. — Since I was enabled to tes- 
tify that the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all 
sin, I have enjoyed, much of the time, great 
peace; some of the time, much joy: but, for 
the last two weeks, have suffered much conflict, 
and many temptations — the fiery darts of the 
enemy. Sometimes he suggests that that which 
I took for cleansing from sin was delusion ; but 
then I look up to Jesus, and believing, find the 
witness in myself. Then he says I will find 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



179 



myself mistaken in the end. Then I say, ' I 
will trust Jesus for that/ Then, in our seasons 
of social prayer, he tempts me that I want to 
make a fervent prayer, or a great prayer; or, 
that I did try, and no one was benefited. Thus 
he vexes and harasses all who try to serve God. 
If he cannot destroy their souls, or their hope 
in Christ, he tries to retard them in 6 the race,' 
knowing that while he can keep them looking 
back, or at themselves, they cannot rapidly and 
successfully run forward. 

"This morning, had but a dull season in 
secret prayer. The enemy kept close by with 
his evil suggestions — tempted that the old man 
was just ready to rise up in all his native de- 
pravity. I felt a little shrinking from the cross, 
but the Lord sent me timely aid. At our noon- 
day season of prayer, I felt the presence of 
Jesus lifting up my sinking head, strengthening 
my faith, and confirming my hope in Him. 

"February 29. — Health very feeble — much 
weakness and pain in the chest ; but surrounded 
and sustained by mercy and love. Last Sab- 
bath, had the privilege of going to church 

with Bishop and Mrs. H . Bishop H 

preached to the German brethren, from John 
xv, 5. My soul has been incited to be more 



180 



MEMOIRS OF 



closely united to Jesus — to receive, every mo- 
ment, the sustaining life. Partook, with the 
Germans, the symbols of the broken body and 
shed blood of the Redeemer, and was enabled 
to feed upon him in my heart, by faith, with 
thanksgiving. 

" Returned from church much fatigued, but 
experienced a great blessing in the afternoon, 
in secret prayer. 

"My dear Mr. S came on Monday; left 

yesterday. These frequent separations are pain- 
ful ; but he is about his Lord's work. I freely 
give him up, with myself, a sacrifice to God. 
Jesus sacrificed himself for me, and shall I not 
' freely sacrifice to him/ and for his sake? 
Yes, my adorable Savior, take husband, child, 
friends, and life — only gather us all together, 
in thy heavenly kingdom, at last, when thou 
makest up thy jewels. 

" Felt very feeble this morning, but my trust 
is in ' the Lord, from whom cometh my help P 
I praise the Lord that Jesus himself said, 
'Whosoever believeth in me shall not perish, 
but have everlasting life.' 0, help me more 
fully to 'know thee, the only true God, and 
Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent for this is 
'life eternal.' 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



181 



"March 10. — Have been too feeble to write 
for some time. Our intercourse with our dear 
friends, Bishop and Mrs. H , closed yester- 
day, for the present, and perhaps for ever. It 
was a solemn day to me, and would have been 
sad and sorrowful, without grace to cheer me. 
My dear husband left also in the morning, for 
his circuit, for two weeks — a great trial to him- 
self, as well as to me, as he leaves me in so 
feeble a state of health. But I must not re- 
pine. The Lord calls. He must be about his 
Father's business. The Lord be with him, 
making him successful in calling sinners to 
repentance ! 

" My faith has been feeble for several days, 
and, I feared, almost ready to fail. Have had 
a weeping and heart-cheering season of devo- 
tion this mornino-. Sometimes I am almost 

o 

overcome with grief — and would be quite, with- 
out the supports of grace — at the prospects of 
declining health, and leaving my husband and 
child. I must not love them better than the 
will of my heavenly Father. 0 give me a 
joyful acquiescence in all thy holy will! 

" Sometimes am greatly afflicted by the sug- 
gestion that I have been deceived in all my 
experience, and that grace will not be given 



182 



MEMOIKS OF 



sufficient for me in the trying hour, and that I 
shall not be able to glorify my Savior in death ; 
that the sting of death, and the victory of the 
grave, shall overcome me at last. If this de- 
pend upon any good in me, I may well despair ; 
but it is not by our works of righteousness, but 
by his own mercy, he saveth us. ' I will trust, 
and not be afraid.' Thou hast said, 'My grace 
shall be sufficient.' 0 fill me with faith, and 
the Holy Spirit, that I may suffer or do all thy 
gracious will, and receive, joyfully, whatever 
thou dost appoint ! 

" Our dear friends — — have been with us 
near three months. They have been a great 
blessing to us all — have helped us to bear our 
burdens, and strengthened our hands — have 
been helpers of our faith. My poor, unworthy 
soul has been much encouraged by prayer and 
conversation. The season of communion face 
to face has closed with me — may never be re- 
newed on earth; but 0, my Savior, gather all, 
at last, in thy kingdom!" 

The following note, received the day after 
the above entry was made, is so characteristic— 

so true to the heart of Mrs. S , that I trust 

no apology for giving it entire will be necessary. 
At this date, she could only walk from room to 



MRS, ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 183 

room ; yet the kindness of her nature, and her 
habitual regard for the interest of all around 
her, led her to seek a window where she could 
watch the baggage of a friend who was de- 
parting, and see that no neglect was practiced 
by the " carrier." 

"My Dear, Dear Sister H , — Sad, sol- 
itary and lonely would yesterday have been, 
had not one Friend remained who alone can 
compensate the loss of all others ; and it came 
near proving such to me, in spite of faith cling- 
ing to Him who 'sticketh closer than a broth- 
er.' I feel the absence of my dear husband 
doubly, as you are not now here to step in and 
break and cheer the loneliness of my room, 
and encourage my weak, fainting soul. Ma 
came home yesterday — I had like to have said — 
sad at your departure, and said she should not 
have felt worse to have parted with her own 
sister. But the throne of grace is still access- 
ible to us ; and though a great gap is made in 
the domestic circle which surrounds it, yet Je- 
sus sits there, reaching out his sceptre of mercy 
to us. I need not say you are presented there. 
Last evening pa came home in a comfortable 
state of mind, and we had a good season in 



184 



MEMOIRS OF 



prayer — a pleasant time this noonday also 
Jesus is precious. 

"Did you receive your baggage safely? I 
looked out at ma's window to see that all was 
put on ; and saw that your traveling bag was 
not safe, and threw a string to tie it. 

"I feel better to-day — no cough of conse- 
quence, or pain in the chest — some soreness in 
the side. 

"We are confident we shall not be forgotten 
at the throne. May all the riches of grace be 
yours in Christ Jesus ! I feel like trusting him 
for all, though the enemy says many things to 
the contrary. Ma sends love. 

" Your unworthy Angeline." 

"March 17. — Have had great feebleness of 
body since I last wrote. On Sabbath the dis- 
tress in my chest and shoulder was so great, 
that I thought a few weeks must waste me to 
the grave. The cruel enemy of my soul great- 
ly perplexes me also, in my weakness, with 
suggestions that grace will not be given. But 
a word of comfort came. I was saying, '0 
Jesus, if thou dost forsake me!' When I had 
spoken thus far, the promise was applied to my 
heart, 'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee/ 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 



185 



" On Monday my mother was reading to me 
some of the letters of H. A. Rogers, in which she 
gives an account of the healing of one of her 
children of a weakness in its limbs, in answer to 
prayer. I ventured silently to cast my case 
before the Lord, and asked him to relieve the 
pain in my chest ; and if it is his will, restore 
me to health, with grace to live to his glory, 
and win souls to Christ. I have been getting 
better for the last three days— have rode out 
every day, which many would say is the 
cause. Perhaps the Lord means to use the 
pure atmosphere as the instrument of restoring 
my strength. I will live to him while I live, 
by his grace. 

" Yesterday spent in the city with my sisters. 
Their hearts are at enmity with God. I saw 
no opportunity for benefiting their souls, and had 
no conveniences for prayer, except to keep my 
heart lifted up as I could. I felt solemn, and 
kept a serious countenance. I cannot com- 
promise with the world, and am satisfied, if the 
Lord give me grace to feel and act right, to 
have my feelings and acts misconstrued. The 
Savior forewarned his disciples of this. He 
experienced it himself, and the disciple must 
not be ' above his Lord/ 



186 



MEMOIRS OF 



"This morning I hunger and thirst after 
righteousness — try to claim the promise to be 
'filled/" 

The following appears to have been written 
the evening of the same day : 

" The Lord met us at our noon prayer, and 
filled ma with his love to overflowing. My own 
poor heart felt it good to wait upon the Lord. 
I was blessed also in writing to sister M — — n, 
and again at the female prayer meeting at broth- 
er Strickland's — had a good number present, 
and Jesus in the midst. 

"Feel some concern. My dear husband has 
been gone a week, and I hear nothing from 
him. Lord, keep him safely- — fill him with thy 
love — make him wise to win souls, for thy 
name's sake!" 

"March 18. — Had a comforting letter from 
my dear husband last evening. He writes of 
sinners being converted. Praise the Lord! 
This intelligence quite reconciles me to his ab- 
sence, painful as it is to my feelings. If he 
can but work for the Lord, and see his work 
prosper, I am satisfied. My strength increases, 
for which I am thankful. Had the pleasure of 
meeting the children of God in the sanctuary. 
Brother J. Trimble preached from, 'I know 



MRS, ANGELINE B. BEARS. 187 

whom I have believed,' etc. The word was pre- 
cious to my hungry soul. I felt ' that the Lord 
is faithful,' and is indeed 'able to keep that 
which I have committed into his hands.' 

" This day, quarterly meeting at Ninth-street. 
May a great outpouring of the Spirit be felt 
there, and many sinners be brought to Christ! 

"I feel like cleaving closer to my blessed 
Savior. 0 that I could perfectly reflect his 
image !" 

The letters from which the following extracts 
are taken also bear date March 17 and 18 : 

" Dear, Dear Mrs. H , — Thank you for 

your solicitude about my health. I seldom 
think of its being of any consequence to any 
but my husband and child. You ask how I 
bore the cold ride. Well, and felt better — 
have been down every day since — am stronger, 
and have less pain. Doctor saw me this week, 
and begins to think my lungs are not affected ; 
but, between us, I have but little confidence in 
this. But no matter; my case is in better 
hands than his. The Savior spoke to me the 
other day. I was saying, 'O Jesus, if thou 
forsake me !' He said, ' I will never leave thee 
nor forsake thee.' It came into my poor, worth- 
less heart as sensibly as if a voice had uttered 



188 



MEMOIRS OF 



it, thus lifting up a standard against the horri- 
fying suggestions of the enemy, that in declin- 
ing health and death I should not be able to 
glorify God, but should be deserted. 

"I feel some spirit of praise this morning; 
and O, how should praise fill my heart and 
dwell upon my tongue, beholding Jesus bleed 
for me! 0, why is not my heart more alive 
to his sufferings in my behalf? My language 
is this morning, 

1 Too much to thee I cannot give; 
Too much I cannot do for thee; 
Let all thy love and all thy grief 
Graven on my heart for ever be !' 

All his grief? Can I apprehend as much of 
it as one nail inflicted? or as the most trivial 
sin — if any sin can be called such— occasioned ? 
Then how should my heart break to think of 
my sins, like a mountain, rising above the skies ! 
But all he asks in return is my heart, and that 
shall be for ever his. I praise him for his 
grace— his love; but must know more of it — 
hunger and thirst for more. I want to 'rise to 
all the life of God.' 

" I can't tell you how we feel your absence. 
I believe ma never contracted such a friend 
ship ; and I am not jealous to think it exceeds 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 189 

her love to me, for it is meet. We shall all be 
glad to see you back very soon; and have al- 
most hoped that some providence would turn 
your faces this way again before you get far 
away. We comfort ourselves that we are not 
forgotten in prayer, and pray that every good 
thing the Savior purchased for you, may be 
vours every moment. 

"Am still feeble, and writing hurts me; so 
must say, pray for your unworthy 

" Angeline." 

"Dearest Husband, — I have just received 
and read your letter. Have felt rather uneasy 
about you for a day or two, not hearing from 
you, and to-day looked for you home. I think 
I never felt our separation more keenly than 
now; and am only reconciled by the thought 
that you are doing service for the Savior. I 
try to feel as sister Bishop Janes did, when 
she said, with reference to her husband's long 
absence, and her feeble health, ' 0 it is so sweet 
to know that he is working for the Lord.' 

"I think my health is a little better than 
when you left — am stronger. Had a miserable 
day last Sabbath ; much pain in the chest, and 
general weakness ; and the enemy seemed to 
have received fresh power to torture me. I 



190 



MEMOIRS OF 



was cast down, but, praise the Lord! 'not de- 
stroyed ' Monday morning, cold as it was, 
rode to the city and back ; felt much refreshed, 
and my strength has been increasing. Have 
rode every day. 

" The doctor did not examine my chest, but 
said he thought my lungs were not affected. I 
asked him what occasioned the pain in my 
breast and shoulders. He said he thought it 
neuralgia. I do not know. Some days I feel 
like getting well, and others as though a few 
months would finish my course on earth. I 
try to leave my cause in my heavenly Father's 
hands. He will do all things well. My hus- 
band and child lie very near my heart; but 
God could comfort and sustain one, and take 
care of the other, if he sees fit to remove me. 
If not, I hope to live to glorify Him ; and, if he 
will so honor me, to win souls to Christ. But, 
0 my dear, let us get grace enough to say, 
with cheerful, joyful acquiescence, 'Neverthe- 
less, thy will be done.' 

" I felt compensated for the trial of your ab- 
sence when I read, in yours, that sinners were 
converted at the meeting. Praise the Lord, 0 
my soul ! I think much, and pray much for 
New Richmond, and for those lately converted, 



MRS. AXGELINE B. SEARS. 



191 



especially for A E , when I think she 

is the daughter of a Methodist preacher, and 
what a struggle it must have cost her parents 
to give up their children in a dying hour, and 
how they must have cast them upon the Lord. 

0 that she may never depart from the Lord — 
may never measure back her steps to earth 
again — never lose a sense of the Divine fa- 
vor; but go on as it is her high and glorious 
privilege, from strength to strength, and from 
grace to grace ! 

" My dear, I am thankful that you are trying 
to get a more intimate union with Christ. So 
am I. I feel it is all that's worth a thought 
beneath. 0 to ' rise in all the life of God ' — to 
be privileged to labor for him ! What hath he 
done for us! Years of suffering and sorrow, 
want and woe, wound up by the agonies of the 
garden, and the cross, for us ! 0 that my heart 
could be every moment alive to these truths ! 

1 am glad, my dear husband, that you are a 
Methodist itinerant. May you be a faithful 
one ! You or I need not covet any thing better 
in this life, so we are faithful in such a calling. 
Be watchful, prayerful, faithful — in private in- 
tercourse solemn— realize that you are all the 
while exerting an influence. 



192 



MEMOIRS OF 



"To-morrow is quarterly meeting at Ninth- 
street. If pleasant, I mean to try to go. 

"I would be very glad to see you next 
week — feel it a great while till week after; but 
if you cannot come conveniently, or only to 
stay a day, think you had better not try ; but 
write as often as you can." 

The last entry in her diary is dated March 
2 2d, and reads thus: 

"Feeble in body; but my strength has in- 
creased for the last week. Have enjoyed a 

precious day with sisters F and P — — 

to-day. The Lord was present at our noon 
prayers. This afternoon also had female prayer 
meeting here. Present, in addition to those 
mentioned, several other dear friends from the 
city. We each bore our cross in testifying 
for our Savior. I felt that mine was a blunder- 
ing testimony, but thank the Lord that I had 
strength to give it at all. All now gone to 
meeting but myself; but it is precious — pre- 
cious to draw the living water from the living 
Fountain. 0 how Jesus shines out in his own 
word ! I wonder not that he prayed, ' Father, 
sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is 
truth? 0 that my poor, dark soul may prove 
all its light and power! 



MRS. ANGELINB B. SEARS. 193 

"Sixth chapter of St. John's Gospel was my 
evening lesson. Was struck with the 21st verse, 
4 Then they willingly received him into the ship : 
and immediately the ship was at the land whither 
they went.' 0 how long have I toiled and rowed 
to overcome the rough sea of my nature, and 
it seemed that the harder I labored the farther 
I found myself from shore ! But when I opened 
my heart to receive Jesus, immediately I gained 

* Tlie land of rest from inbred sin f 
for Jesus brought me to the haven of rest- 
rest in him. Praise the Lord for his precious, 
immutable promises ! He says, in the same 
chapter, ' This is the work of God, that ye be- 
lieve on Him whom he hath sent.' 0 help me, 
Lord, fully to believe, that I may receive all the 
fullness of thy love ! I feel this evening f that 
the word is nigh' me; yea, in my mouth and 
in my heart. 0 may it ever dwell there ! Let 
every lineament of thine image, blessed Jesus, 
be fully impressed on my soul! Let it fully 
shine forth in all my life — in all my acts, words, 
and thoughts! Let the Divine impress shine 
from my very countenance ! 

"My little Brooks is very unwell to-night — I 
give him up to the Lord." 

The following letter to her beloved friend, 
13 



194 



MEMOIRS OF 



Mrs. Rev. C. Brooks, contains some repetitions 
in regard to her experience ; but as these form 
but a small part of the letter, and are inter- 
spersed with other remarks, I venture to give it 
almost entire. 

"Mount Auburn, March 10, 1848. 

"My Dear Mary,— I cannot tell you how 
surprised, glad, and thankful I was, when Mr. 

S handed me your thrice welcome letter, 

of 1st inst. I have many, many times desired 
a renewal of our correspondence, but for some 
time had despaired of its being brought about, 
as I knew your cares were thickening upon you ; 
upon which consideration I have tried to recon- 
cile myself, but often with a bad grace. 

"March 20. — You see from the first date 
that my will was good to send you an early re- 
ply; but I w r as so feeble, that writing even a 
short letter injured me ; so I had to defer. My 
strength has very much increased in the last 
w r eek — had fine weather for riding, which I im- 
proved daily, and with great benefit. It is just 
three months since I was taken ill. ]S r ow I 
cough but little, and have but little pain in my 
chest and side. My friends, generally, and 
the doctor too, I believe, thought me in con- 
sumption; and sometimes I have thought my- 



MRS. ANGrELINE B. SEARS. 195 

self so. But, though I have been afflicted, it 
has been in so much mercy, that I feel thankful 
for it. All the circumstances of it were in 
mercy and love ; being at home, and surrounded 
by praying ones, which made my sick-room a 
constant bethel. 

"I must tell my dear Mary some of the 
Lord's dealings with me. It would be ungrate- 
ful not to speak of His work; and I hope it 
may encourage you, for you know I have al- 
ways been more, much more fearful and unbe- 
lieving than yourself. You know I have been 
in an almost unbroken bondage for years. 

"As we went to a new charge last fall, I was 
very anxious to be made more useful, and was 
led to pray for perfect conformity to the will 
and word of God — for which I had been striv- 
ing, at intervals, for years — and was realizing a 
deepening of his work in my heart; and, as a 
means, began more boldly than ever before to 
take up crosses, from which I had been always 
shrinking. 

"When taken ill my mind was kept calm 

and peaceful ; and the lines, 

' The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose, 
I will not, I will not desert to his foes/ 

expressed my calmness and confidence. As 



196 



MEMOIRS OF 



disease began to give way, and there seemed a 
probability of restoration to health, I felt a 
greater anxiety to be cleansed from sin — to pre- 
sent my body ' a living sacrifice,' and prove the 
"good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.' 

" One morning I awoke with the promise, ' I 
will sprinkle clean water upon you,' etc., very 
strongly impressed upon my mind. I said, * I 
will try and prove this mine to-day ; perhaps at 
our noonday prayers' — which has been the cus- 
tom of the house this winter — but was diverted 
from the point of looking for it now, all day. 

In the evening Mrs. H was sitting by my 

bed, telling me of the comfortable exercises of 
grace in her heart — the rest of the family and 

Bishop H by the fire conversing. I told 

her of my morning promise, and spoke of an- 
other text which was presented me several 
years ago, but like it neglected : ' All things are 
possible to him that believeth.' She said, ' You 
should have claimed the promise this morning — 
the moment it was given ;' and then she re- 
peated, 'All things are possible,' etc. The 
Spirit applied the repetition to my heart. I 
said within myself, 'This is a divine truth. 
He who is the Truth hath said it ; and being 
such, it is possible for me to be sprinkled — 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



197 



cleansed ; and I will — do now venture upon the 
truth which cannot fail! I was immediately 
blessed, and began vocally to praise the Lord. 
A thrill- — I may say a shock — passed over my 
frame, almost like electricity; as if the Spirit 
would make a literal application of the cleans- 
ing blood, to purge and heal the 'wounds and 
bruises,' etc., with which my moral nature was 
infected. The Savior's sufferings for me were 
displayed with a vividness such as I had never 
realized before ; and 0 how precious was he to 
my heart as he gave himself to me, who had 
given himself for me ! 

"For two weeks my mind was kept in per- 
fect peace. Satan would suggest that I was 
entirely deceived; but I found it very easy to 
look to the cross, and claim my suffering, dying 
Savior, as mine from sin. Then, as circumstan- 
ces seemed to render it necessary for me to con- 
fess his grace, I did it, though with trembling, 
and found my soul blessed and strengthened in 
so doing. Then I had a season of joy; and 
then came, and continues, the conflict. But 
'the just shall live by faith.' By faith! "What 
a shield by which we may quench all the fiery 
darts of the enemy! My dear Mary, I have 
learned — as I think Mr. Fletcher says— that 



198 



MEMOIRS OF 



one act of faith is worth more than years of 
struggling without it; for I have spent years 
of inquiry, anxiety, and striving, and fitting 
myself, and yet never gained the point, until I 
ventured, just as I was, upon the promise of 
God. I have been all the time since, with two 
or three exceptions, deprived of the outward 
means of grace ; but I have the precious word of 
life, and the closet, and family prayer meetings ; 
and often prove that, 'to them that have no 
might, he increaseth strength.' The devil tries 
his arts to destroy; but I know that He who is 
faithful, is also ' able to keep that which I have 
committed unto him/ And now, I am re- 
solved to spend my added days, and what 
strength he gives, in his service, and to try, at 
last, to win souls to Christ. I have never been 
a helper to my husband in this respect — always 
shrinking and fearful. 0, what a dark, heavy 
list of omissions, as of the reverse, must have 
been laid up against me ! Now, my dear Mary, 
I want you to pray much, that I may be very, 
very courageous — that I may be 

f Bold to take up, firm to sustain 
The consecrated cross/ 

"And now, dear Mary, may I say to you, 
'Fear not, only believe.' Believe, and five. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 199 

Believe, and be saved. Let the dark cloud of 
Satan's reasonings be dispersed by the bright 
rays of the ' Sun of righteousness !' 0, why 
should we fear and shrink, when Jesus hath 
died for us ; and as long as it is written, ' Who- 
soever believeth in Him shall not perish, but 
have everlasting life !' Praise the Lord for this 
precious truth ! 0, how long I have read the 
Bible, without realizing that it was truth, and 
emanated from the Truth ! how I have gained 
but a drop from the full ocean! 

" I have written all this, as connected with 
myself, not with a desire to exalt self. ISTo: 
saying I am saved is saying I was lost. I 
would ever keep this in mind, and tell the work 
of grace, as far as self is concerned, as though 
accomplished in another, and I think I can. 

"You know sister , and have probably 

heard of the work in her. It is truly wonder- 
ful. In her case the teachings of the Spirit 
have been very rapid, and, if faithful, she will 
be a very bright Bible Christian. Many, from 
her former vacillations, prophesy that it will 
be only a morning cloud ; but we hope not. 

" You say you fear you will not raise your 

little 0 . Let me say, do not fear, but 

freely give her up to the Lord. 0, it seems 



200 



MEMOIRS OF 



if I had a dozen children, I could yield them 
to Him. Since my health failed, the thought 
of leaving my child has been more painful than 
any other; and next to that, the thought of 
leaving my husband. If they are all taken, 
don't repine ; but, rather — I had almost said — 
rejoice. Think of the evil in the world — their 
exposures and hazards ; and then, if you should 
be called, I know grace could be sufficient ; but 
if Providence sees fit to transplant them to 
paradise first, give a joyful acquiescence. I 
think I could, tenderly as I love mine, and 
would have indulged the wish, had I not felt it 
would be wrong. 

" I would be very glad to see you and yours. 
I would come, but for an anticipated journey 

to western New York, with Mr. S , this 

spring. Pa and ma think it would improve my 
health much more to go by private conveyance, 
which we would do, but for the want of time. 
If we should, we will come by Columbus. 
Write to me, if you can, very soon, and tell 
me— as freely as I have you — all your exercises 
in religion ; and pray much for your unworthy 
friend, Angeline B. Sears." 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



201 



CHAPTER XIV. • 

Visit to Oxford — Letter to Mrs. H. — Increase of faith— Jour- 
ney — Steady decline — Return — Letter to Mrs. H. — Goes to 
Brownsville — Letters — To her husband — To her father — To Mrs. 
H.— Hope of recovery abandoned — A victory — Returns home. 

For what remains of the history of Mrs. 
Sears, I shall rely principally upon the few 
letters she was able to write, and upon infor- 
mation derived from her husband's diary kept 
at the time, the use of which he has kindly 
proffered. These we shall find replete with 
efforts to maintain the fight of faith, and with 
expressions of triumph in seasons of victory, as 
well as proofs of self-sacrificing fidelity to her 
friends, and calm submission to her heavenly 
Father's will. 

The first of April we find her able to ride, 
and just returned from a short excursion, taken 
as an experiment, to test the propriety of a 
summer's journey. Her state of mind and 
habits of thought are clearly indicated by the 
following letter: 

"Mt. Auburn, Saturday morning, April 1, 1848. 

"Dear Mrs. H— , — Your letter came 

Thursday evening last, during my absence. 
Returned from Oxford yesterday. Ma would 



202 



MEMOIRS OF 



have written, but waited my return. To-day- 
business calls her from home; I improve the 
time to write. And where shall I begin to tell 

of some of His wonderful works? Mr. S 

returned Monday— for the first time since you 
left — burdened with good news. At Concord 

the Lord worked with power. Mr. S was 

very unwell — had no help, except one evening. 
The meeting lasted nine days, and, in the time, 
fifty conversions, and thirty-four accessions to 
the Church. He had to close the meeting, to 
go to another. 

" At Laurel there was at first little faith on 
the part of the Church, but that little increased, 
and an astonishing work broke out. Near a 
hundred were added, the major part, they 
think, converted ; and several received the wit- 
ness of holiness, in a powerful manner — sister 

N , and a number of other dear friends 

in Christ, some of whom, if I should mention 
them, you may very probably be familiar with. 

Mr. S was gone from me near three weeks. 

It was a trial ; but when he wrote that sinners 
were coming to Christ, I rejoiced, and felt that 
I could freely forego his society, while the work 
required his absence. 

" Yesterday we had a visit from brother and 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



203 



sister H r, and two or three other dear 

friends. At the noon prayer meeting, sister 
H r received the witness of entire conse- 
cration, while leading in prayer. All were 

blessed. Sister R is going on — I think, 

is taught of the Lord — in a wonderful manner. 
The day she was here was her fast, and she only 
came for brother and sister H r's accommo- 
dation; but she promptly bore the cross — went 
to the table for the benefit of the text, [it was 
the custom of the family to repeat passages of 

Scripture at meals,] but ate nothing. B 

was at home, which made it heavier for her. 

"We went to Oxford on "Wednesday. Found 
the Lord at work there in the conviction of sin- 
ners — the altar surrounded, every night and 
day, with penitents, but few conversions. Sister 
P is enjoying daily communion with God. 

" We returned by Hamilton. My faith was 

increased by sister B 's conversation. She 

has enjoyed the witness of holiness most of the 
time for thirty years. Talks like one who lives 
near the throne, 

"I wrote a long, very bold letter to M 

B , much too bold for the adversary, who 

told me many things about it ; but the Lord wit- 
nessed that I did it as one way of bearing the 



204 



MEMOIRS OF 



cross, and praising his name and grace. I am 

very glad that sister D has been aided to 

believe for full salvation. 

"My Savior supports, strengthens, cheers 
me. The accuser does all he can to destroy; 
and, no doubt, often triumphs in the expecta- 
tion of success ; but, by grace, I will hold fast 
to what is written, 'Whosoever believeth on 
Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.' 
O, I cannot express the comfort I derive from 
that passage alone. It is a bulwark against 
the thousand and hourly attacks of the de- 
stroyer. And then, when I know that, in 
addition, defenses are raised at all points sur- 
rounding me — I had almost said, like a wall of 
fire — my comforts grow stronger still. I never 
felt my perfect weakness, vileness, and entire 
want of every thing good in me, more than at 
this moment ; but Jesus died for me, and I will 
trust him, and do praise him. My heart doth 
praise, and my lips, too, as well as they can. 
While 'my heart and my flesh fail/ I claim, 
through Jesus, ' God, as the strength of my 
heart, and my portion for ever.' The sugges- 
tion still comes forcibly, that grace will not be 
given, and I shall find myself deceived in the 
end. But I pray the Lord, if it comes from 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 205 

him, to show me. I do not see that I can do 
more than to believe and trust him; and I 
have confidence that I shall not be confounded. 
Praise his holy name, I do feel comfortable this 
morning, in saying, ' Thy will be done !' 

" Brooks has been quite sick, with a cold on 
his lungs. I thought perhaps the Lord would 
take him ; and, though nature felt more than I 
had anticipated, I had a cheerful resignation. 
He is now better — running about. 

" When shall we see you back ? We desire 
to_ join you again in our noonday and evening 
devotions. W T e often find our strength renewed 
in them. 0, what a privilege is prayer, much 
as it is slighted ! Is there a sinner so far lost to 
its value, as to be willing to stipulate never 
to pray? A universe would be nothing in 
exchange. 

" Ma sends much love to you both, She is 
still going onward and upward. We pray for, 
and rejoice in, your success in laboring for 
the Lord. Write to us, and pray for us. 

Brooks says, 'Write a kiss to sister H 

for me' 

" Your unworthy Axgeline." 
On the 4 th of May the anticipated summer s 
journey was commenced. Mrs. S traveled 



206 



MEMOIRS OF 



as far nortli as Montreal; thence across to 
Burlington, Yt. ; thence to New York city, 
where she spent several days, and seemed 
somewhat strengthened in body, and much re- 
freshed in spirit. From New York she re- 
turned west by Buffalo, visiting Yienna, the 
scene of her husband's first itinerant labors, 
where many painfully pleasing recollections 
were awakened. Up to this date the condition 

of Mrs. S had been such as to inspire in 

the heart of her husband alternate hope and 
despair respecting her recovery. At times the 
fresh air and the presence of friends would so 
inspirit her, that she seemed returning to life ; 
but again that deadly ague, which had so long 
followed her, would light upon her with re- 
newed violence, and she would appear hurried 
to the mouth of the grave. On the whole 
there was a steady decline. Disease was prey- 
ing upon the vitals, and sapping the founda- 
tions of life. 

Of this part of the journey Mr. Sears says: 
"From Buffalo we went to Chatauque county, 
to spend a few wrecks with my friends ; but I 
saw that my dear wife was so evidently sinking, 
that it was proper I should shorten my visit. 
The chill and fever followed her every day, 



MRS. ANGHUNE B. SEARS. 



207 



with constant and shooting pains through the 
chest. We had a painful parting with my dear 
friends. They loved her with uncommon af- 
fection; and they now took the parting hand, 
deeply impressed that they should see her face 
no more. 

"About the last of June we arrived in Cin- 
cinnati, with no real change for the better. 
Indeed, she had all the while declined in flesh 
and strength. 

"During a great portion of this long jour- 
ney Mrs. S- — — was compelled to lie down in 
the steamboats and railroad cars. Her state 
of mind was that of patience and resignation. 
When, after an encouraging interval, a relapse 
occurred, she o;ave no indication of murmurino\ 
But from the time that we began tins journey, 
I discovered a letting go of that faith which 
had held her in such delightful communion 
with God. Of this she often conversed with 
feelings of deep regret. There were, however, 
periods of much comfort, especially "while in 
the city of Xew York, enjoying religious con- 
verse with sister P and sister S , at 

wdiose house we found a home." 

The effort to be made ready for a long jour- 
ney, in her feeble state, tasked Mrs. S se- 



208 MEMOIRS OF 

verely ; and after starting, her seasons of pri- 
vate devotion were interrupted, and she was 
deprived of the social prayers which she had 
daily enjoyed in her father's house; and worn 
by the fatigues of the way, what wonder if the 
accuser, renewing his attacks, should to some 
extent prevail against her? But that she did 
not so far yield as to cast away her confidence, 
and that her heart continued to find its own 
element wherever she met with those that dwelt 
in a spiritual atmosphere, is evident from the 
following letter. It is the language of a sin- 
cere, tempted, perplexed soul : 

"Mt. Auburn, July 17, 1848. 

"Dear Mrs. — , — Your letter to ma and 

myself was received some days since, for which 
we thank you, and that the more heartily, 
knowing some of your obstacles in the way of 
writing. We return thanks to Him for and 
through whom you work, for the prosperity of 
your abundant labors in the Lord — thankful 
also for the degree of health you are both 
enjoying, in the midst of travel, anxiety, and 
fatigue, 

"I did receive yours at Jamestown, and this 
is the first pen I have lifted since. We trav- 
eled over two thousand miles without much 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 209 

benefit physically, and I fear — yes, I fear — less 
spiritually. I met with Christians alive at 
different points, by intercourse with whom my 
spirit was quickened; but 0, if I write as 
I feel, I must call myself backslidden. And 
yet I cannot bear the thought that the light- — 
the divine light so lately enjoyed — is so soon 
extinguished. Though convinced of sin and 
unfaithfulness, I will not utterly cast away my 
confidence, and yet often fear I have. Some- 
times I try to get near the cross, and pleading 
the promises, my soul gathers a little strength 
and peace ; and then like a tide I am over- 
whelmed with accusations. 

"But I hear your exhortation: 'Believe — 
only believe. Fly back to the blood again, 
which makes the wounded whole.' This, this 
alone I can and must do. I need not say, help 
me by your prayers. 

" Geneva friends desired to be affectionately 
remembered to you. We had a pleasant in- 
terview with brother S -y's family, and with 

brother T at B- . Since our return, 

Mr. S received a cheering letter from 

brother T •. He seems fully alive to the 

cause of entire holiness — says he is for ever 
committed to this doctrine of Methodism and 
14 



210 



MEMOIRS OF 



of the Bible, and cannot and will not go back; 
but intimates sore trials in that behalf. 

" Tuesday morning, July 18. — My soul strug- 
gling to get beneath the cross, 

* "Without one plea, 
Save that his blood was shed for me/ 

I read this morning, 'They that be whole need 
not a physician, but they that are sick.' Surely 
none can answer this description better than 
myself. Sick? Yes, body and soul. I look 
to Jesus to heal me. 

"May the Bishop and yourself be sustained, 
and blessed more and more in your labors! 
Write us again, when you can. 

" Your unworthy but affectionate 

" Angeline." 

All hope of relief from ordinary remedies 
was now abandoned ; and, as a last resort, Mrs. 

S was taken to Brownsville, Pa., to test 

the hydropathic treatment in use there. In 
reference to this effort, Mr. S says : 

"I find in her an ardent desire to do all she 
can to recover health. Her parting with her 
little son was affecting. It is for me and him 
that she wishes to live, and she separates from 
us with much reluctance. I have hardly ever 
seen her soul so broken up. Her usual fortitude 



MRS. ANGELLNE B. SEARS. 



211 



gave way. No doubt the thought passed in 
her mind that she might be looking upon him 
for the last time." 

On the way to Brownsville she suffered much 
from weakness and pain. After an examina- 
tion of the case by the physicians there, Mr. 

3— left her, to return to his field of labor. 

Of their separation he observes: "I was aston- 
ished that she would consent at all to be left 
in a land of strangers, without husband, child, 
or relatives. It was almost Spartan heroism — 
nay, it was more — it was Christian resignation." 

On the 29th of August he received a letter 
from her, saying that she felt perfect resigna- 
tion to all the will of God — that she had given 
up husband, and child, and all, all to him. 
We here insert parts of the last letters she 
wrote. They show more definitely her experi- 
ence while at Brownsville. The first is ad- 
dressed to her youngest sister just before her 
marriage, and refers to that event. Some parts 
are omitted, and a few words supplied where 
the allusion was obscure: 

"You wish to know how it is with me. 
Some of my symptoms are improved — night 
sweats less — pulse somewhat better — those 
painful attacks at my heart less frequent — 



212 



MEMOIRS OF 



strength gaining a little — appetite good — too 
good. I am accosted on all sides with, 'Mrs. 

S , you look better.' I sometimes reply, 

'It is because you are used to looking at me.' 
I shall probably have returns of chills, which 
will retard my improvement. The doctor 
is very cautious not to give stronger treatment 
than I can bear. 

"I fear, even if I continue to improve, that 
I shall not be so far well as to be able to re- 
turn home by the 1th. of October, as two or 
three weeks then may be very important. 
And yet, could I bear the thought of my last 
and 'little sister' entering a new life without 
my witnessing it ? My mind recurs to her first 
efforts to creep, and to the first time her infant 
step tottered from the wall to pa across the 
room. Many scenes of childhood's glee and 
childhood's sorrows — and of school-girl's per- 
plexities and emulations — come freshly up in 
association with this 'little one;' and not least 
of all, the sparkle of that huge black eye, and 
the glow which lighted the countenance, as 
lines were traced from the pen of one dearer 
than all other friends — the friend of her heart. 

I am glad, my dear B , that you are so 

happy ; but perhaps E 's suggestion ma) 



MRS. A NO KLINE B. SEARS. 



213 



not be premature. Yet no doubt the en- 
thusiasm of such a period of your life will 
yield to a more mature and reasonable affection 
and respect. 

"You speak of gratitude and love toward 
all around, springing forth from your heart like 
a new emotion. That is but a faint type of the 
Christian s heart, as it is freshly imbued with 
the greatest of all graces from the throne of 
Love. But, alas ! through the influence of a 
downward, earthward tendency, how very imper- 
fectly is this heavenly affection displayed in the 
lives of many who call themselves by that holy 
name — Christian! And here shame — deep 
shame — envelops me. I have nothing to say 
but to acknowledge my sin, and fly to that 
blood which makes the foulest clean. This is 
the only sacrifice. 

" I had feared that Mr. L is too poetically 

speculative about religion. But the Holy Spirit 
das not yet enlightened his mind and his heart. 
When that comes to pass, he will approve the 
saying of the great, good Wesley, in reference 
to pulpit labors: 'I would no more dare to 
preach a fine sermon than I would dare to wear 
a fine coat ;' and if imbued with the true spirit, 
like those who faithfully follow Wesley, he 



214 



MEMOIRS OF 



himself would go out into the 'highways and 
hedges/ or even pioneer the wilderness, if here 
and there he could find a soul for whom Christ 
died, that would welcome the word — the bread 
of life, [These words seem almost prophetic ; 

for Mr. L has already gone, and is now a 

messenger of grace to dying souls.] 

" My dear little Brooks ! I have not forgot- 
ten him in this long scrawl. I am very much 
pleased with the improvement his aunt reports — 
hope it may continue, and that he will always 
remember to pray for his sick mother." 

"Brownsville, September, 1848. 

"My Dear Mrs. H , — I have been wait- 
ing to feel like writing you a long letter. That 
I am forbidden to do ; so I will say only what 
my strength will permit. I feel a little better 
this morning than for the last week, but don't 
know that I am radically so — doctor thinks 
there is a slight improvement in my pulse; and 
my fever does not last as lono; as it did a few 
days ago. Pa says, 'Write every other day/ 
But what can I say ? Iso changes occur in so 
short a time, which would be certain indica- 
tions of my state ; and the doctor does not ex- 
pect any rapid improvement ; besides, in hydro- 
pathy, fluctuations of feeling are constant until 



MRS. AXGELINE B. SEARS 



215 



a decided convalescence appears. So much for 
the poor body. 

"I am trying to rest my soul on Christ. 
Here is all my hope ; and yet fears come in 
like a flood, at times disturbing my peace. I 
have no stated seasons of prayer— can only try 
to uplift the heart, and place my trust in Him 
wherever I am. I am troubled that I am doing 
nothing, and here is a field. Can my faith be 
a true one ? I do not want to cry peace to my 
soul, and find that peace false at last. But I 
venture sometimes to praise Him for the hope 
of salvation. 0 for perfect faith, obedience, 
and resignation ! You are still enjoying and 
suffering. May He — he will — enable you to 
do all his will! 

" Mr. and Mrs. M are still here — seem 

pleased with hydropathy. Her society is a 
green spot in the waste — have no Christian 
intercourse. It is of no use to say I wish I 
could se-e you. I bow to the appointments of 
Providence. Write me when you can. Re- 
membrances to the Bishop. 
"Your unworthy 

" Angeline. 
"P. S. Received pa's letter this morning. 
Thank him for me." 



216 



MEMOIRS OF 



"Brownsville, Monday, Sept. IS, 1848. 
" My Dear Father, — The inclosed was writ- 
ten by Dr. Mason, the assistant physician of 
Dr. Baelz. He has examined my chest sev- 
eral times. Dr. B also, on Saturday after- 
noon, gave it a thorough examination. At my 
request he wrote. I thought he would give 
you a clearer understanding of my state than I 
could, and you would know how far to hope 
for my cure. I have felt for a week or two 
that my recovery is doubtful — indeed, that it 
could scarcely be expected — yet know that I 
am not capable of judging of my symp- 
toms. The physicians think it still quite worth 
while to continue the treatment. They say 
that hepatization will give way if the system 
can be strengthened. I don't know that my 
cough is worse or better — do not think I raise 
quite as much as I did some weeks ago — can 
go up stairs with a little less shortness of 
breath — sleep tolerably well — weighed two 
weeks ago eighty-six and a half pounds — 
several were weighed, and thought the steel- 
yards were not correct; but I know I have not 
gained. The fever seems now to be getting 
lighter — comes on later, is not so high, nor 
lasts as long. The physicians were very 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS, 217 

thorough in their examination. As regards 
the result, I think I can leave it entirely in the 
hands of Him who, I know, cannot err, and 
whom I can trust for grace in every conflict; 
and hope my friends can all feel the same. A 
few years at most will end the scene ; and what 
matters it whether soon or late, if the soul is but 
prepared for a change ? I hope nothing through 
or of myself, but trust in Christ. I think Mr. 

S< had better take his appointment, [her 

opinion had been asked in reference to Mr. 
Sears taking work for the coming year,] and 
let Providence open the way, day by day, 
should I fail. I cannot consent to his giving 
up his work. I think you had better withhold 
this from the family until Bithia leaves, I fear 
they may feel unhappy about it. The earner 
waits, and I must close. Love to all. 
"Your affectionate daughter, 

" Angeline." 
"Brownsville, September 19, 1848. 
" My Dear Husband, — Your dear, kind let- 
ter of the 15 th inst. I received on Saturday. 
Have written to pa since the result of the two 
doctors' last examination. I hope it has not 
made you unhappy. I cannot see any thing 
favorable in my case at present, but rather 



218 



MEMOIRS OF 



judge most of my symptoms against recovery. 
Have regular fever, which comes on from 11 
to 1 o'clock, though for the last three days it 
has neither been so high nor lasted so long. 
My night-sweats are not so troublesome as be- 
fore I left home; pulse from one hundred to 
one hundred and thirty; don't know that there 
is much difference in my cough or expectora- 
tion. I give you a faithful account, not wishing 
to flatter you, or raise expectations which may 
never be realized. Yet the physicians encour- 
age me to remain, hoping to manage the fever, 
and then the hepatization of the lungs. I 
will remain until you come from conference; 
and then, unless there is a decided improve- 
ment, think I had better return with you. But 
that we will leave, and all things else, with 
Providence. 

" I feel, as regards the result, more confidence 
and resignation than I ever have. God can and 
will sustain, if we trust in him. I hope you 
are ready to say, ( Thy will be done !' He will 
provide for you and for our dear little Brooks. 
The trial, the struggle, has been great; but I 
hope it is accomplished. I am not so clear 
about the certainty of my salvation as I wish 
to be ; yet my helpless soul hangs on the merits 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



219 



of Christ alone — and here I rest, looking for 
clearer manifestations as he sees fit to give them. 
He has promised not to forsake me, and I be- 
lieve his word, unworthy though I am, and in 
the greatest degree. Go to conference and 
take your appointment. [Mr. S ■ had sug- 
gested to her that he had better be left without 
an appointment.] If you can, come and see 
me, and then I think Providence will manifest 
his design; and if I continue to fail, your pre- 
siding elder can supply your place. Be cheer- 
ful — be happy. Let us go to the cross and 
there lose our wills, and then it will be easy 
to give up friends and all. Love to all. 
"Your affectionate wife, 

" Axgeline. 

"P. S. Let us give up all things for time and 
for eternity." 

"Brownsville, Monday, September 25, 1848. 

"My Dear Husband, — Since I last wrote I 
have gradually, but slowly, improved in some 
particulars. My pulse is a little better. Before 
I rose this morning it was reduced to eighty- 
two ; but when the fever comes on in the after- 
noon, it rises to a hundred and ten or fifteen. 
The doctor says if he can get it reduced to 
ninety, there will be no difficulty. The fever 



220 



MEMOIRS OF 



lasts a much shorter time, and does not rise so 
high. 

" I feel quite resigned to my heavenly Father's 
will concerning me. I trust in Jesus, though 
some days I have to live wholly by naked faith. 
I praise him for the grace given, and think I 
can trust him for all things. The trial of giv- 
ing up husband and child I hope is over. A 
crucifixion of my will had to be passed through. 
I shrink not from suffering, if he please to call 
me thereto. I find it blessed to yield every 
wish into his hands. I try to speak of his 
grace daily to those around, as opportunity 
offers. Praise his holy name ! he has not for- 
saken me, nor his mercy failed. Jesus is my 
hope, and if I am called, he will go with me 
through the 'valley and shadow of death/ 
which he himself has made even delightful to 
the believer. Satan whispers often, 'You are 
deceived, and will be forsaken at last;' but I 
trust that to the Author of my salvation, who 
has pledged his word. I hope you can say, 
with a glad heart, 1 Thy will be done !' What- 
ever he does will be right. 

" Be faithful at conference. Unless the river 
rises, I don't know as you had better come. 

"Mr. and Mrs. M leave this week. I 



MRS. ANG-ELINE B. SEARS. 221 

am sorry to lose her, but resign this also. Ex 
cuse the bad writing and my brevity — doctor 
says I must not write much at a time. 

"Write soon, and long, to your affectionate 
wife." 

From the period referred to in the above 
letters, a wonderful change was manifest in her 
state of mind. For months before lea vino- home, 
she could not look upon her little son without 
tears; and after she reached Brownsville, she 
stated, that when she awoke in the night and 
thought of her husband and child, in spite of 
her efforts to suppress emotion, her face would 
be suffused with tears. Her affection for her 
family was strong and absorbing ; and her hus- 
band justly remarks, that "nothing less than 
omnipotent grace could have enabled her thus 
cheerfully to resign them." But this grace 
was operative in her soul, and this yielding up 
was final. Except in regard to their conversion 
and sanctification, she never had another anxious 
care for any of her friends. This great change, 
in which her heart so strangely unclasped itself 
from the dearest objects of her affection, can- 
not be seen by others in the strong light under 
which it appeared to herself and her friends, 
who knew the strength of her attachments, 



222 



MEMOIRS OF 



and saw how, like another new creation, they 
were dissolved by an almost miraculous power. 
From that time she seemed separated from all of 
earth, and the days of her mourning were ended. 

On her return home she met friend after 
friend in turn, and even her husband and child, 
with her own cheerful, affectionate smile, but 
with no expressions of fondness calculated to 
call back the affections which she had now 
centred in heaven. Xor did she encourage 
any of us to approach her in a manner calcu- 
lated to do this. There was a moral grandeur 
in her appearance, which impressed the be- 
holder with feelings of awe, and checked the 
twining sympathy which had ever been so con- 
genial to her spirit. She would not willingly 
permit us to weep in her presence, without 
giving the assurance that we wept not for sor- 
row. At her first meeting with her husband, 
observing that he was deeply afflicted, she 
affectionately requested him to appear more 
cheerful; and afterward said, "You wrote to 
me at Brownsville that you could say, 'The 
will of the Lord be done ;' now, be sure to 
carry it out !" She made no allusions to past 
scenes and circumstances, and scarcely noticed 
if we adverted to them. 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



223' 



When inquired of by her husband, some 
weeks after her return home, how long it had 
been since she wept, she replied, "Not since 
the period at Brownsville, when, in answer to 
prayer, I felt the spirit of entire submission 
stealing upon me gently as the dew of heaven. 
All at once then the struggle was over, and I 
felt that I could freely give up husband, child, 
and all." She added, "I was not without my 
fears, that when I returned, and saw you and 
our dear little Brooks, the feelings of the past 
would return ; but, in answer to prayer, I feel 
the same resignation." 

It is not the office of our holy religion to 
destroy natural affection, but to chasten it. At 
the first glance, it might have appeared that 

Mrs. S had acquired an unenviable state 

of heart in regard to her family and friends — 
that her love for them was wholly chilled. 
But a little communion with her showed that 
her bearing toward us was dictated by resolute 
Christian prudence. It proceeded from no 
want of love, but from a sense of duty to her- 
self, lest her heart should relapse, and should 
be weaned again from heavenly things, and her 
strength be weakened in the way. With re- 
spect to the interests and happiness of all 



224 



MEMOIRS OF 



around her, she manifested all her former kind- 
ness and vigilance. When a friend remarked 
to her, "You still take care for us all," she 
replied, "I never loved human beings as I 
now do." 



CHAPTER XV. 

First interview — Remarkable change — Sacrament of the Lord's 
snpper — Disposition of her wardrobe — Conversations— Entire 
resignation — Life of faith — A baptism — Temptation — Deliver- 
ance — Arrival of a friend — Answer to prayer — Continual tri- 
umph — Conversion of a brother-in-law and sister — Sacramental 
scene — Departure of friends — Conversion of a second sister — 
Simplicity of faith — Last sister converted — The close. 

At my first interview with her after her 
return from Brownsville, I could not avoid be- 
ing deeply affected at the change I witnessed 
in her. I could scarcely recognize her as my 
long-loved, cherished friend. She was exceed- 
ingly reduced in flesh. But there was also 
another change. The power of religion had 
gained over her a dominion which disclosed 
itself marvelously to the beholder. Christ's 
all- conquering grace seemed to beam forth in 
every feature, and show itself in every word 
and act. Her pale yet expressive countenance, 
thus lighted up, reminded one of Moses when 
he descended from the mount. Nor was it in 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



225 



the least doubtful that she, too, had met and 
communed with God. Her spirit was putting 
on the strength of immortality, and she seemed 
almost like an inhabitant of another world. " I 
have very little joy," she said, smiling; "but I 
have the word of God ; and I have such confi- 
dence in it, that, should he call me to die 
without any special manifestation, I think I 
should not fear." 

When asked, "How did you enter into this 
state of rest in God?" she replied, "When I 
perceived by the countenance and manner of 
my physician that he was assured I could not 
recover, I just lifted my eyes to heaven for aid, 
and instantly I felt a divine influence descend 
gently upon me, like distilling dew." It was 
at that moment that her heart yielded up 
husband, child, friends, and all alike, to her 
heavenly Father. 

On another occasion, when I was seated by 
her, and her husband also was present, she 
said, " My dear husband is pained at my entire 
separation from earthly things, [referring more 
especially to her chastened manner toward 
him,] but I tell him I wish him to think of 
me as though I were not." I said, "You 
wish that God may be all in all." "That is 
15 



226 



MEMOIRS OF 



it," she replied, " that is it. I do not fear suf- 
fering," she said; "I do not fear death. I can 
say, 'the will of the Lord be done.' " 

A few days after, she desired to receive the 
sacrament of the Lord's supper. While the 
service was being performed, she sat in quiet 
meditation and devotion, though some of the 
company could neither suppress nor conceal 
their deep feeling. After the service closed, 
she suggested that the thanksgiving, offered up 
in her behalf, implied too much; but said the 
occasion had been a blessing to her. Before 
separating, we had a season of conversation 

and prayer. As Mr. H inquired of all 

present concerning their religious states, she 
spoke with great confidence, and said, "Jesus is 
precious — I have peace with God — I can trust 
him for all that's to come. The fear of death 
has been taken away." 

She made all her outward preparations to die 
with as much composure as though she were 
going to spend a week with a friend. There 
was not the excitement usually manifested by 
those who are preparing for a long journey, 
but it was like the calm, every- day manner of 
doing what is a mere matter of course. 

October 13th she employed much of the 



MRS. AXGELINE B. SEARS. 227 

day in distributing among her friends little to- 
kens of her love, and gave directions respecting 
the disposal of her wardrobe ; directing that all 
which she had not otherwise appropriated, 
should be given to the poor. Her only gift to 
her little son, was a neat copy of the Bible, in 
which she marked many passages, with a re- 
quest that he might learn them. Afterward 
she proceeded to hold a conversation with her 
husband, of which he says : 

"This day my wife has given me some very 
profitable advice as to the future. She has, in 
great kindness, told me of some faults with an 
earnest desire that I may be in all things a pat- 
tern of piety. How ardent are her wishes that 
I may live and do good! How exalted her 
views of Christian propriety ! — how alive is she 
to every thing that may mar the symmetry of 
ministerial character! How much shall I miss 
her advice and watchful friendship ! Her judg- 
ment is nearly always according to truth. Few 
persons seem to me possessed of her discrimi- 
nation and her delicacy of feeling. In our con- 
versation she suggested that she did not wish 
her friends to weep around her dying bed. 
'Rather,' said she, 'let them shout and sing 
for joy, if that were proper/ " 



228 



MEMOIRS OF 



October 14th she remarked, "If the ques- 
tion of my recovery were left to me, I would 
refer it back again to God." Her husband 
asked if she had any directions to give respect- 
ing her funeral. She replied, "I leave all that 
to the family. I wish nothing may be said in 
my praise, but let every thing be in the most 
unostentatious manner." 

Mr. S said, " I trust your death will be 

made a blessing to your unconverted sisters." 
She replied, "I have often thought that the 
prayers of a sainted mother would avail, and 
they be saved. Those prayers have availed 
wonderfully in my behalf ; for in the midst of 
all my heart wanderings and unfaithfulness, the 
Spirit of God has been near to reprove, and 
draw me back. As my mother seemed to be 
to me, so I may be permitted to be a minister- 
ing spirit to you." 

October 11. — After a season of conversation 
and prayer with her husband, she exclaimed, 
" O, God is love, to save such a sinner as 

I am!" Mr. S asked if she had any 

pleasing anticipations of seeing her Christian 
friends in heaven. "Yes," she answered, "if 
one so unworthy may be permitted to get a 
sight of them. I have thought much of seeing 



MRS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 



229 



my dear mother and sister Taylor, but espe- 
cially of beholding my Savior." 

On the 21st she said to her husband, " Why 
do you and pa pray for me as the ' afflicted one ' 
of the family? I am not afflicted. The Lord 
has been very good, and saved me from much 
suffering." She also requested, that, when 

praying with her alone, Mr. S would not 

refer to their past life, fearing the effect that 
calling up these recollections might produce on 
her heart. 

: October 28. — After dozing in her chair, she 
suddenly roused, and seeing her husband be- 
side her, said, "You will probably ornament 
the grave-yard [meaning the family lot in 
it] with some shrubbery, the coming spring. 
What made me think of it was, I was just 
dreaming that you came in with some ever- 
greens, and I said, 'You have obtained those 
for mv grave.' " 

For some time after she returned from 
Brownsville, she appeared anxious to visit the 
cemetery, and see the spot where her body was 

to repose. Mr. S writes: "It seems as 

though she wished to exhibit her complete tri- 
umph over the enemy that had given her so 
much solicitude, and more especially for the 



230 



MEMOIRS OF 



following reason: A little before going to 

B , she was one day riding by the cemetery 

with her mother, aunt, and little son. Her 
aunt expressed a desire to enter, and look upon 
the grave of a beloved sister. A slight effort 

was made to get the gate open, but Mrs. S 

discouraged their going in. After they reached 
home, she told her mother that she did so be- 
cause she felt such a shrinking from the grave 
that she did not wish to see the place where 
she was to be buried. 

"But now how changed! The gloom was 
dissipated — the sting was gone. She was anx- 
ious to visit the dominions of death, and there, 
amid the thickly scattered monuments of his 
power, in calm and holy triumph, bid him do 
his utmost. So perfect was her victory, that 
she said to her sisters, shortly after her return 
from B— — , ' I can think of the clods rattling 
upon my coffin, and it makes me happy.' The 
feeling that prompted her to desire to go to the 
cemetery, seemed to be something like the mar- 
tyr's, who, by the power of grace, held his 
hand in the fire till it was consumed, because, 
under the influence of fear, he had, a few days 
before, signed with that hand his recantation. 
She wished to proclaim in the face of death, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 231 

and in the very place of her former intimida- 
tion, her present victory.'' 

October 30.— She was heard, early in the 
morning, to repeat several verses, commencing 
with, "Praise the Lord, 0 my soul, and forget 
not all his benefits. " 

During the month of November she contin- 
ued to sink gradually, and evidently drew 
nearer to God in spirit, while she more and 
more earnestly desired to depart and be with 
Christ; sometimes saying, with a smile, "I'm 
almost home." Early in the month she visited 
the dining-room regularly at meals. When she 
could no longer do that, she walked into the 
parlor every morning to attend family worship, 
which she greatly enjoyed. When she could 
no longer walk out of her room — which was on 
the first floor — she was moved in a chair into 
the parlor for prayers. Her last attendance 
was on the morning of November 30th. For 
some days previous, her friends had looked for 
her departure, and many who had called to see 
her, had repeatedly taken, as they supposed, a 
final farewell. Up to this date she had remained 
in a peaceful state, with a calm, settled confi- 
dence in God. She adhered closely to his 
word, and trusted not to frames and feelings. 



232 



MEMOIRS OF 



This may account for her general power over 

temptation — continued more than two months, 

during which time, it might be said, 

" Not a wave of trouble rolled 
Across her peaceful breast." 

But though she seemed ripe for heaven, it 
proved that she had much to suffer, as well as 
much to enjoy on earth. 

The reader may have noticed that a remark- 
able feature of Mrs. Sears' exercises, from the 
time she received so great a blessing at Browns- 
ville, was her strong faith. She often repeated, 
"I have but little joy; but I have the word of 
God ; and I have such confidence in it, that, if 
called to die without any peculiar manifesta- 
tions, I think I should not fear." This, in one 
so prone to unbelief, shadowed forth to those 
who had known her a great change, and a re- 
markable progress in faith. Hers was not a 
mere speculative belief of the Scriptures as the 
word of God ; but a taking hold of it with the 
heart, and claiming and appropriating all that 
each promise secured to her. Was not hers 
very much like the faith of Abraham, who 
"believed God," and who was "strong in faith, 
giving glory to him?" And was it not a rea- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 233 

sonable faith? It is written, "He that believ- 
eth not God, hath made him a liar, because 
he believeth not the record that God gave of 
his Son." But where do we find what God 
says, or the record that he hath given of his 
Son, unless it be in the Bible? In ancient 
times God spoke to men with an audible voice, 
and by the prophets and angelic messengers. 
But this he is not wont to do since the New Tes- 
1 anient was added to the sacred canon. The 
blessed Redeemer said to the Jews, "Had ye 
believed Moses, ye would have believed me, for 
he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his wri- 
tings, how shall ye believe my ivords?" Re- 
ferring to the transfiguration, where the visible 
glory of Christ had overwhelmed the beholders, 
and a voice from heaven had proclaimed him 
the Son of God, Peter says, "And this voice 
which came from heaven we heard, when we 
were with him in the holy mount. We have 
also a more sure word of prophecy ; whereunto 
ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light 
that shineth in a dark place, until the day 
dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: 
knowing this first, that no prophecy of the 
Scriptures is of any private interpretation. For 



234 



MEMOIRS OF 



the prophecy came not in old time by the will 
of man; but holy men of God spake as they 
were moved by the Holy Ghost." 

But how few believe, with the hearty the whole 
Bible! How few of all the professed believers 
in "the true God, and in Jesus Christ, whom 
he hath sent," believe every "great and precious 
promise" — not in general, but in particular; 
not speculatively, but appropriatingly ! Do not 
a great many, even of us who have experienced 
regenerating grace, live so far from God, that 
we cannot even see his promises in the light 
of faith ? How few, even of his disciples, can 
say, in the language of our excellent hymn, 

" Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees, 
And looks to that alone; 
Laughs at impossibilities, 
And cries, It shall be done !" 

And yet how heinous is the sin of unbelief ! 
Moses only once, in all his toilsome journeyings 
with rebellious Israel, seems to have been 
guilty of not believing God; and for this he 
was forbidden to enter the promised land. For 
it is recorded, (Numbers xx, 12,) "And the 
Lord spake unto Moses and Aaron, Because ye 
believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of 
the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not 



MRS. ANGELXNE B. SEARS. 235 

bring this congregation into the land which 
I have given them." 

Mr. Fletcher says, " Christ is in the promise ; 
hold the promise, and you hold Christ." Mrs. 
Sears proved this saying true. She went calmly 
forward toward the waters of Jordan, leaning 
on the word, and relying on the truth of God. 
She had proved that his word is truth — sancti- 
fying truth ; and now she was willing, enabled 
by grace, to enter the dark valley of death, 
relying on the same blessed assurance. But, 
as when Abraham's faith and faithfulness were 
fully tested, the Lord said, " Now I know that 
thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not with- 
held thy son, thine only son from me," and 
removed the trial; so, before she entered the 
cold stream, such a glory shone upon her soul, 
as enabled her to pass over in the clear light 
of heaven. 

On the morning of November 30 she rose 
as usual, though with difficulty, and was drawn 
in her chair into the parlor, to join in family 
worship. 

About ten o'clock she suddenly felt herself 
sinking, and supposed she Avas dying. " For a 
moment," she said, "I felt a shrinking, but it 
was only for a moment. I looked to the Savior, 



236 



MEMOIRS OF 



and it was gone." Then followed a scene of 
remarkable triumph and transport. We will 
give some of her remarks during this wonder- 
ful — I had almost said, "transfiguration" — 
scene, but cannot, perhaps, give them in the 
exact order of their utterance, for the most 
of them are supplied by the recollections of 
the members of the family, a part only being 
taken down at the time ; and, while witnessing 
a scene so affecting, it is not to be supposed 
that any one would charge the memory with 
the words in their exact order. 

While the apartment seemed filled with the 
Divine presence, among other things, she said, 
" Glory to God in the highest ! A few moments 
ago I was all filled with pain, but now it is all 
gone. I feel well. I am filled with the love 
of God, which I feel all through me. This is 
no delusion. There are no angels in the room, 
but Jesus is here. Precious, precious Savior! 
Glory! glory! 0 ma, praise him! Let all 
praise him ! O, what manifestations I have of 
the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! I cannot 
describe them. No language is adequate. But 
0 how glorious! glorious! unspeakably glo- 
rious !" 

Looking at her mother, who was kneeling 



MRS. ANGKELINE B. SEARS. 237 

beside her bed, she said, " 0 ma, praise him 
for his love! Do not weep." Her mother 
said, " I do not weep because I am grieved, 
but for joy that you are so blessed — that Jesus 
is so precious." She replied, " 0 ma, we have 
prayed together, wept together, rejoiced to- 
gether, and we shall meet in heaven! 0, you 
have been so good to me, unworthy as I have 
been ! You have been every thing to me that 
an own mother could have been — yes, more 
indulgent!" Then turning to her youngest 
sister, almost frantic with grief, she said, "Do 
not weep; but give your heart to Jesus, and 
serve him. 0, prepare yourself for such a 
scene as this ! 0, give your heart to God ! 
Prepare to die. Jesus can make you happy; 
yes, happy when dying. Do not think me 
beside myself; my mind was never clearer. 
I do not see angels around me, but the room 
is filled with glory. God is here — Jesus is 
here — the Holy Ghost is here! 0, I am so 
filled with God that I don't feel my poor 
body ! A little while ago I was all weakness 
and pain, but it is all gone now. I feel well — - 
strong. Glory! glory! I have such visions 
of heaven ! Indescribable ! 0, I am so bap- 
tized into God!" 



238 



MEMOIRS OF 



Her countenance now beamed with an un- 
earthly radiance; and her words were uttered 
with a peculiar force, which is lost in recording 
them. She said, "Jesus is a Rock — a Rock! 
What on earth is firmer than a rock? Hence 
he is said to be ' a Rock.' * As the mountaing 
are round about Jerusalem/ so is he round 
about me. He has redeemed me. How won- 
derful that I should be saved! Saved/ washed 
from my sins in His blood ! I ! I ! How won- 
derful ! 0, praise the Lord ! 0 that the world 
might come to him! his arms of love would 
embrace them all! But they will not— will 
not ; they ivill not ! 

" My mind was never so clear. Sin never 
looked so hateful to me; the plan of salva 
tion was never so clear. 0, it seems to 
me I could convince the skeptic. Jesus, my 
Savior ! mine ! how wonderful ! The precious 
promises of God are crowding on my mind — 
how full of meaning! I never felt for sinners 
as I now do. 0 the preciousness of grace for 
them ! Yet they will not come to Jesus, that 
they might have life! 0, his infinite love 
would embrace a world of sinners, but they 
will not come." Those words, " will not," 
were uttered with great force. 



MRSc ANGELINE B. SEARS. 239 

Thus she continued for more than an hour, 
conversing in almost unearthly strains, and ear- 
nestly desiring to see her father, but especially 
her husband, both of whom, being absent, had 
been sent for, but had not arrived. She said, 
"0 that my dear husband were here to see 
how happy I am ! I know he would be will- 
ing to give me up. He has looked so sad for 
several days ; but could he see me now, I am 
sure he would be willing.'' Her friends ex- 
pressing an apprehension that she would not 
live till he arrived, she said, "The hour is not 
yet — I shall not die now." 

About half-past twelve o'clock, Mr. S 

arrived. On his entering her room, she ex- 
claimed, " 0, my dear husband, how the Lord 
has blessed me ! You have no conception how 
he has filled me with his love. Such shocks 
of power, power, power ! Xow it comes again. 
Now I feel it through every avenue of my poor 
body. This room has been filled with heaven. 
I no longer felt my poor, suffering body. 
Though these bones have been aching for days, 
it is all gone. I feel that I hardly touch my 
bed. 0, how precious is Jesus! Yes, Jesus 
is precious — precious f There is such a meaning 
in that word precious !" 



240 



MEMOIRS OF 



Pausing a moment, she again broke out in 
expressions of wondering love: "Can it be 
possible that the Savior will so bless me ! me — 
one so unworthy — one who has been so doubt- 
ing — so full of imperfections ! 0, how precious 
is the word of God — the promises of the Bible ! 
true — all true! I have but to trust — trust- 
trust. Yes, that is the word — trust. I never 
before so appreciated its meaning. I trust in 
the word of God. It is a rock — a rock — that 
is the thing — a rock. What is firmer than a 
rock? and yet 'the everlasting hills may be 
destroyed/ but 'the word of the Lord endur- 
eth for ever.' Glory ! glory ! 

"I never before had such views of sin. O, 
how awful does it appear ! But the blood of 
Christ can wash it all away. 

"I have had such views also of a Savior's 
love for a lost world. 0, how willing to save 
the sinner! How easily could he save the 
whole world, if they would trust in him ! 0, 
my dear husband, try to have a sense of the 
worth of the soul — try to love sinners more. 
Preachers do not love sinners half enough. 
How much more good they might do, if they 
could realize the love of God for a lost world !' 5 

About this time Mr. Brooks arrived, bringing 



MRS. AN CELINE B. SEARS. 241 

with him Mrs. F , to whom Mrs. Sears was 

ardently attached. When they entered she 
exclaimed, " 0 pa, I thought I would have died 
before you could come! I am glad you are 
here. The Lord has blessed me so— Jesus is 

so precious!" Then turning to sister F 

"0, sister F , you don't know how hap- 
py I am! I never thought there were such 
blessings for me. Yes, for me — one so un- 
worthy. You know how doubting I have been ; 
but now the Lord has taken away all my 
fears." 

After a short pause she looked up and said, 
"My mind was never so clear. I am not afraid 
to die. 

'Jesus can make a dying bed 

Feel soft as downy pillows are/ 

I have always thought those lines a poetic 
fiction — 

' Soft as downy pillows are. 

How true — every word true! It is no fancy 

of the poet, but a glorious reality. My poor 

body suffered much this morning, but Jesus 

put his everlasting arms underneath me, and 

my bed became as a downy pillow. I seemed 

to rise. All pain was gone. How wonderful! 
16 



242 



MEMOIRS OF 



Death has lost his sting — the grave its gloom 
Jesus has sweetened the grave.' ' 

Her sisters and their husbands coming in, 
she said, "Come, my sisters, come to Jesus. 
Give your hearts to him, and meet me in heav- 
en. 0, if you knew the joy I feel, you would 
give worlds for it; and yet this vain world 
allures you from Jesus. Consent to be happy, 
will you V She then warned them of the van- 
ity of the world, and the danger of riches with- 
out religion. 

The entire family now surrounding her bed, 
she broke out in rapturous exclamations con- 
cerning those who had died before. " 0 pa, 
how thankful we should be. Not one of our 
family has died in whose death we may not 
hope — -a whole family in heaven! 0, glorious 
thought !" Of her unconverted sisters she again 
spoke in moving accents, saying, "0, how will- 
ing Christ is to save them all ! But they will 
not come. 0 Jesus, help them to be willing 
to come! Shall any of our number be lost? 
This thought I cannot bear." 

To each of the domestics she addressed 
words of appropriate and affectionate exhorta- 
tion. To the hired man, who was a Roman 
Catholic, she said, "James, you have been a 



MRS. ANGELXNE B. SEARS. 



243 



faithful man, but can't go to heaven by works. 
You must love Jesus. He is your great High 
Priest. I trust you believe in Jesus : he alone 
can forgive sins. Put your trust in him : we 
can be saved only by trusting in him." 

Thus, while all present supposed she was 
dying, she continued for an hour and a half 
longer to talk in a clear, strong voice. She 
was at length wholly exhausted. Indeed, it 
seemed that nothing less than supernatural 
strength could have sustained her. For days 
previous she had not been able to converse at 
all, except in a tone of voice a little above a 
whisper. 

Afterward, as she lay silent, surrounded by 
her friends, she frequently said, "Do not think 
I am not happy because I do not speak. I 
am happy. Jesus is so precious!" During 
this period of special triumph she was several 
times greatly tempted, but immediately con- 
quered "by the blood of the Lamb." She 
continued in the same happy frame until the 
family retired. 

The very day succeeding this "baptism into 
God" — as she always solemnly described it — 
the was sorely assaulted by the tempter, even 
as Christ was driven from Jordan, where the 



244 



MEMOIRS OF 



Spirit sat as a dove upon him, into the wilder 
ness. Under this temptation, which continued 
many hours, her faith did not fail. She con- 
tinued to exclaim, "Jesus will deliver me — I 
know he will. I will cling to him — I will 
trust — yes, / will trust in him" and words of 
like import. In the midst of it her father 
repeated, "He will never leave thee nor for- 
sake thee," and added, 

" 1 0 for this love let rocks and hills 
Their lasting silence break/ " etc. 

"Repeat it," said the sufferer. He did so, and 
for the time the cruel tempter fled ; and when 
her faith had conquered by the Holy Spirit, 
she began to exclaim, " 2s ow he blesses me 
again. I feel it through every nerve. Christ 
ever lives to intercede. I am safe. Omnipo- 
tence is pledged. I did not doubt but my 
Savior would deliver. Grace — saved by grace! 
0 wondrous love ! Praise the Lord, 0 my soul ! 
He saves — he saves to the uttermost. When the 
tempter comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the 
Lord lifts up a standard against him. Jesus is 
my shield — my hiding-place. 0 what expres- 
F^ve terms — shield — hiding-place /" 

I had left her some weeks before, under a 
promise that, if notified, I would return, and, 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 245 

if possible, be with her at the closing scene. 
Receiving the anticipated call, I arrived at her 
father's toward evening, December 2. When 
I approached her bed, with a smile of affection 
she threw her arms around me, and kissing me 
again and again, as often repeated, "I am so 
glad you are come." She then said, " The 
Lord has greatly blessed me," and was pro- 
ceeding to give particulars, when her strength 
failed. She remarked, "This little excitement 
prostrates me. I shall have more strength, 
and will then tell you." 

That night she slept little, but was kept in 
perfect peace, except occasional fiery darts 
from the enemy. 

On Sabbath afternoon, December 3, she 
again appeared to be dying. She faintly whis- 
pered, "Now he again saves," with many other 
expressions of triumph. But reviving again, 
fresh assaults of the powers of darkness almost 
overwhelmed her. During the evening two of 
her sisters in Christ concluded to retire and 
plead in her behalf the precious promise, 
"Where two of you agree as touching any 
thing ye ask, it shall be done for you" — a 
promise which one of these sisters had been 
used to plead in company with the sufferer. 



246 



MEMOIRS OF 



They did so, and had confidence that the God 
of Israel heard. Returning to the sick-room, 
Mrs. S said, " I have experienced deliver- 
ance. " It proved to be a permanent deliver- 
ance. When, a few days after, she was asked 
respecting her temptations, she said, "I have 
had none worth mentioning since Saturday 
night. " Thus her last spiritual conflict was 
past. It appears to be common for saints to 
pass through a similar struggle just before 
entering their rest. So did their Lord. " This," 
said he, ''is your hour and the power of dark- 
ness." 

We were now in hourly expectation of her 
departure, and were often ready to inquire, with 
her, " Why do his chariot wheels delay?" But, 
as the heavens are higher than the earth, so 
are the ways of the Lord higher than our ways, 
and his thoughts higher than our thoughts. 
Feeble as she was, and dying, one might say, 
while she accomplished it, she had yet a work 
to do. Perhaps we might rather say, she had 
to finish her work. 

Mrs. S had long labored and prayed for 

the conversion of her dear sisters ; and for one 
year, at least, she had also cherished an ardent 
desire for the entire sanctification of her beloved 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



247 



father. Now that she had come almost to 
commune face to face with her Savior, as a 
man with his friend, she presented these ob- 
jects of her affectionate solicitude before him 
with a faith which it seemed could not "ask in 
vain." The sequel shows how fully her labors 
were honored of the Lord. 

December 5. — About noon, being alone with 
her husband, she said, "Be a faithful laborer 
in the vineyard of the Lord. Let it be your 
sole business. Have but one business." During 
the conversation he repeated to her the follow- 
ing lines : 

" ' When 1 see thee as thou art, 
I'll praise thee as I ought/ " 

She exclaimed, "0 yes — glorious prospect — 
that such an unworthy sinner as I am should 
see Jesus! To see Jesus in his glorified hu- 
manity, in which he redeemed me — is not that 
glorious? that I, a sinner, may see him, and 
be received to himself? Thy grace is sufficient. 
Glory — glory be to God ! Jesus— Jesus !" 
After reading several hymns, Mr. S — — asked 
if he should read any more. "Yes," she re- 
plied, "if there is any thing more about Jesus." 

Those hymns that speak of Jesus, especially 
of his dying love, were her favorites. She had 



248 



MEMOIRS OF 



been accustomed to read and sing them in her 
secret devotions, and now they were especially 
precious to her, Some of her selections were 
those commencing as follows : 

" Thou Shepherd of Israel and mine." 

" And can it be that I should gain?" 

" O, love Divine, what hast thou done ?" 

After several stanzas had been repeated, she 
again exclaimed, " 0, such a glorious prospect ! 
But not because I am worthy — no! no! no!" 
Then faintly repeated, 

" ' And can it be, thou heavenly King, 
That thou shouldst me to glory bring V " 

Mr. S said, " I feel more than ever like 

living to glorify my Savior." She replied, 
"Keep your eye fixed there. Don't be ambi- 
tious to have your brethren think highly of 
you. Be humble and devoted." 

Toward evening, as Mr. H sat by her 

side, she began to repeat, "A sinner saved by 
grace — how wonderful!" He said, "We can- 
not pity you, except on account of your suffer- 
ings. We would rather envy you, if it were 
proper to envy." She answered, "I would not 
suffer less, if it is my heavenly Father's will. 
I would not exchange places with any human 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 249 



being." Then again she repeated, what seemed 
a spontaneous and irrepressible sentiment with 
her, " Saved by grace ! 0, how glorious ! A 
sinner saved by grace !" 

On one occasion, after lying silent a consid- 
erable time, she said, "I have been trying to 
get strength to tell you that I think I did right 
to have that sketch of my experience published 
last year." "Did you ever doubt it?" I in- 
quired. "Yes." "You do not now doubt that 
you experienced the blessing of perfect love?" 
"No," she replied, "I think it must have been 
that." " But you suffered loss by yielding to 
doubts?" "Yes," said she, "and by unfaith- 
fulness." 

From this time her habitual language was in 
strains like this: "Jesus is precious — 0, for 
strength to praise him!" "Praise him aloud 
all you that can!" "If I had a voice, I would 
praise so that all the world might hear." 

On the 7th we were again called in, as we 
thought, to see her depart. Her pale, collapsed 
features beamed with joy. "Don't weep," she 
faintly articulated; "there is no fear. Come, 
Lord Jesus, if it please thee ; but thy will be 
done!" Reviving a little, she smiled, and said, 
" I thought I was almost over. I asked him to 



250 



MEMOIRS OF 



take me, if he pleased; but liis will be done, 
whatever it is." 

On the morning of the 8th she said, " I am 
here yet;" repeating, " 0 that I had strength 
to praise Jesus! He is very precious this 
morning," 

On the 9th she said, " I am very happy this 
morning. The name of Jesus is worth a uni- 
verse!" That night, being extremely low, she 
said, " I feel that I rest in Christ, just like an 
infant in the arms of its mother." A little 
after, becoming restless, and suffering much, 
she said, " It is a pity if I can't suffer a little, 
when He has redeemed me." At another time, 
when suffering greatly, she repeated, in a slow, 
measured tone, "Thy will be done!" 

Sabbath, the 10th, as I approached her bed 
at an early hour, she said, " J esus is precious ! 
I have not got my reckoning yet this morning ; 
but this I know, he is precious!" In a few 
moments she added, "0, how precious is the 
name of Jesus! This is enough for me. Is 
not this enough for me to go to heaven with ? 
I have nothing else ; but this is enough. I have 
never exacted a promise from my sisters to seek 
religion now, I think I will, this morning. 
They can never have a better time ; they will 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



251 



be shut out from the world by their mourning 
habits." I said, "Should you live, would you 
not feel great interest in urging the Church to 
seek holiness?" "Yes," said she, "it should 
be all my business. I should feel it a great 
privilege, I think, but don't know how faithful 
I should be." I said, inquiringly, " I suppose 
you have never doubted your entire sanctifica- 
tion, since you received that heavenly influence 
at Brownsville?" "No," she replied, "I think 
there has been nothing in my way since." 
"But you had to walk by faith?" I added. 
"Yes," she answered, with great earnestness, 
"for six weeks I had scarcely a gleam of joy; 
but I had God's word, and in that I had confi- 
dence. The very day before that baptism, I 
told brother Trimble, that if I had not such 
confidence in the word of God I should be 
dismayed, because I had not more joy. The 
next day the Savior came. I have no means 
of purifying my heart but by faith." She was 
referred to the text, " And he put no differ- 
ence between them and us, purifying their 
hearts by faith." "Yes," she again repeated, 
" we have no means of purifying our hearts but 
by faith." 

Mr. Sears now coming in, she said to him, " Is 



252 



MEMOIRS OF 



not the name of Jesus enough to go to heaven 
with?" He replied, "Yes, my dear — enough 
for a world of sinners." She said, "It would 
be delightful to go to heaven to-day. 0, what 
love! Why cannot sinners see the love of 
God?" 

This was truly a memorable day — a day to 
be mentioned in the annals of eternity. Be- 
fore its close, the youngest sister of the dying- 
saint, with her husband — now Rev. J. M. 

L , who, within the last twelve months, 

has passed from the bar to the pulpit — had 
entered into a covenant to seek the Lord. 

When this was told to Mrs. S , she seemed 

scarcely able to endure the swelling joy of her 
own heart. "It will not stop here," she feebly 
whispered. The following day her brother-in- 
law, who had determined to put his purpose 
into immediate execution, was marvelously con- 
verted in his law-office, and returned rejoicing 
in Christ. Filled with wonder, he often re- 
peated, "What a power there is in faith! I 
could never have conceived of what I experi- 
ence. It is wonderful, indeed!" Mrs. Sears 
desired to see him. Upon his entering her 
room, and approaching her bed, she said, with 
joy beaming in her eye, "I greet you as a 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS, 



253 



two-fold brother. We were born that we might 

be religious." Mr. L said, "I want you 

to pray for me." "Yes," said she, "I have 
prayed for you ever since you were united to 
Bithia;" and added other expressions of affec- 
tionate counsel, and of praise to God. 

The following day she was told that Mrs. 
L , her sister, was earnestly seeking relig- 
ion, and, it was hoped, would soon find the 
Savior. She responded, "I have felt such a 
travail of soul for her since yesterday, that I 
can hardly live." Being encouraged that her 
prayer would be answered, she said, " Had I a 
voice, I would shout so loud that all the world 
could hear ! Praise the Lord with a loud voice 
all that can !" 

That day she desired to receive the sacra- 
ment of the Lord's supper again, and that Mr. 

L might partake it with her. While the 

preparations were being made, and the new 
convert was endeavoring to prepare his mind 
for the solemn service, a sound of joy and glad- 
ness was heard in the chamber of Mrs. L , 

and it was announced that Bithia was also re- 
joicing in Christ. That same evening their 
names were given in for probation in the 
Church, and both joined the family and a few 



254 



MEMOIRS OF 



friends in commemorating the dying sorrows 
of the Redeemer, with their sister, who was so 
soon to sing in paradise, " Thou wast slain and 
hast redeemed us to God by thy blood." 

After the close of the sacrament, Mr. and 
Mrs. L approached the bed of their be- 
loved sister. Holy rapture kindled up her 
emaciated face, as they exchanged the warm 
salutations of Christian fraternal love. She 
exhorted them to be faithful, and be willing 
to be anything for Christ. "I rejoice/' she 
added, "that one has been won to Christ; 
yes, two — but you two are now one in the 
Lord." With great assurance she repeated, 
"This blessed work will not stop here." 

December 13th she lay in the same rejoicing 
state— seemed to think of every friend, and to 
feel a prayerful interest for all ; and, feeble as 
she was, and scarcely able to articulate at all, 
she sent messages to several friends abroad. 

"Tell sister T ," she said, "that she will 

have grace to die with, when she comes to die. 
She used to say in class that she feared she 
should not. Give my love to her, and tell her 
I am almost at rest." 

" Tell brother T , from me, to be faithful. 

Tell him that 'without holiness no man shall 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



255 



see the Lord/ I would love to say many 
things, but am unable. Love to every one that 
asks." 

Some time after I was by her bed, speaking 
of the necessity that I should leave the city 
on the following day. She said, "There is 
something more to be done in me, or I should 
not thus be detained here." I replied, "You 
are probably detained to do, and not to have 
done for you:" adding, "I have feared you 
would be assaulted by that temptation. You 
may have more yet to do for your Savior 
before you depart." The pang was but mo- 
mentary, and her face again lighted up with 
joy. "You must go," she said. She had sev- 
eral times expressed a desire that she might 
depart before we were compelled to leave for 

Marietta, where Mr. H had an engagement, 

and that he might perform the funeral service; 
but she always added, "The will of the Lord 
be done." The thought of leaving her was to 
me too painful to be concealed. She observed 
my emotion, and looked earnestly, and almost 
chidingly, at me. To excuse my involuntary 
tears, and relieve her, I said, "When we meet in 
heaven we shall have a long and loud song to 
sing," to which she assented, and then broke out 



256 



MEMOIRS OF 



in praise. Summoning all her powers, she ex- 
claimed, "Why should I not employ all my 
strength now to praise the Lord ? I will praise 
him;" which she continued to do until quite 
exhausted. That afternoon she had another 
season of praise, proclaiming, with all her 
strength, the mercy of her Savior. 

But it is vain to attempt to repeat all her 
sayings, however interesting and instructive 
they might be. We have only set down a few 
passages of each day's edifying conversation, 
as held by one on the verge of heaven, and 
speaking as from eternity. 

Her most common exclamation — -repeated 
often, every day and night — was, " Jesus is 
precious; 0 for strength to praise him!" But 
her countenance and manner always expressed 
what language cannot; so that the just effect 
must be lost in placing her words on paper. 
The following note from Rev. J. M. Trimble, 
who visited her, w T ill interest the reader: 

" During my first visit to sister Sears, after 
her severe illness, the topic of conversation was 
the work wrought in her heart by the Spirit of 
God. She said, ' 0, what a miracle of mercy 
I am! What an exceeding amount of mercy 
has been shown to me — to one so timid, so 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



257 



often troubled with doubts — that I should be 
brought to enjoy this blessed fullness of peace 
and love in my heart! 0, the wondrous love 
of the Savior! When I was willing to give 
him my whole heart, my entire sacrifice, he 
received and blessed me with such a full as- 
surance of his love ! Now, my brother, I live 
by faith — every moment, by faith. I feel Jesus 
precious to my soul.' 

"At my second visit, I commented, in her 
hearing, on several verses of Rev. vii, xiv, xv. 
During my remarks she was evidently blessed. 
After prayer I approached her bedside, and 
asked if she was in the same happy frame as 
when we parted, at my first visit, She replied, 
< Sweet peace; but not so much joy. The 
enemy has set sore at me, but my Savior has 
not let him harm me.' I asked, 'Is the love 
of God present in the soul?' f 0 yes, I do love 
the Savior, and I know he loves me. I feel he 
is my refuge and hiding-place, and he will keep 
me unto eternal life. There is nothing frightful 
in the valley, Jesus will be with me there, 
bless his holy name! My all is given up to 
him, and he will keep all in peace and safety.' " 

On Thursday, the 14th, early in the morning, 
we took pur leave. She was perfectly com- 
17 



258 



MEMOIRS OF 



posed, and her last words were. "We'll soon 
meet in heaven." The following notice of after 
occurrences was furnished by members of the 
family : 

That day she lay as usual, enduring great 
pain ; but she displayed so much fortitude and 
resignation, that it was not easy to understand 
what her real amount of suffering was. At one 
time she said, " 0 Jesus, if it be thy will, let 
the pitcher break, and the silver cord be loosed ; 
yet not my will, but thine be done !" 

A pious sister perceiving that there was 
moisture upon her like the damps of death, 
gave her to understand that the end was prob- 
ably near. Her countenance lighted up with 
joy, and she said, "Is it so? I fear not. 0, I 
would rejoice had the time come. My dear 
sister, pray for me, that 1 may have patience- 
perfect patience." 

On the 15th sister F said to her, "How 

precious it is to have Jesus with you now!" 
"0 yes," she replied, "it is worth a universe. 
Glory!" 

That night she said, " Now turn me over. I 
don't expect to sleep much, but I want to be 
as full of Jesus' presence as I can." 

Saturday, 16th, early in the morning, she 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



259 



said, " Jesus ! Jesus ! Praise him ! 0 praise 
him!" Being asked, "Are you very happy?" 
she replied, " Comfortable ; but I ought to 
praise him, whether I feel happy or not," A 
little after, "Precious Savior! Precious — pre- 
cious — precious ! He is my Savior. 0 praise 
him!" 

Observing that, after an ineffectual effort to 
place her in a comfortable position, her husband 
wept, she said, " My dear, don't weep. This 
pain will only make heaven the sweeter." 

Afterward she was told that her feet were 
cold, and could not be warmed. She lifted up 
her eyes, and exclaimed, "Home! home!" To 
her father, who now approached the bed, she 
said, " 0 pa, be holy. You have been so good 
to me! I thank you for all your kindness." 
To her mother, " 0 ma, how precious is my 
Savior! Praise the Lord!'' 

About ten o'clock her second sister, Mrs. 
Maccracken, who had all the mornino- sought 
the Lord in the solitude of her chamber, found 
him, to the joy of her heart, and hastened to 
tell her dying sister what he had done for her 
soul. Her father says, u With a face beaming 
with heavenly radiance, a tongue eloquent with 
praise, and eyes bathed in tears of rapture, she 



260 



MEMOIRS OF 



threw her arms around her mother, who was 
standing by the bed, and — referring to the 
aversion she had felt to such frequent religious 
devotions as had been held in the family — ex- 
claimed, ' 0 ma, I have felt hard toward you ; 
but it is all gone now — all gone for ever. J esus 
hath pardoned my sins ; now we can praise him 
together.' Then turning to her dying sister, 
she said, * O Angeline, how happy I am ! 
Jesus hath pardoned all my sins ! I had only 
to believe — just to believe in Jesus. How sim- 
ple is faith ! I wonder I had not seen the way 
before. Why, it is only to believe and live/ " 

Mrs. Leavett, who had from the Tuesday 
before been proving its efficacy, responded, 
" * By grace are ye saved, through faith ; and 
that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God/ 
We have not to get the grace ourselves ; God 
gives it — gives it. We will praise him; we 
will believe." 

Mrs. S , whose heart heaved with burst- 
ing emotions, said, "I have had strong faith for 
Eliza since last Sabbath, I have believed that 
I should live till I saw her converted. Glory !" 

Pausing a moment, with a transporting gaze 
first in the beaming face of her sister, and then 
in that of her husband, who was also standing 



MRS. ANGELI2CE B. SEARS. 



261 



by, she exclaimed, " 0, is not that rapture? 
This is the happiest clay of nay life." Then 
turning to Eliza, " 0 Eliza, is not this peace ? 
Now one more — 0, one more !" alluding to her 
eldest sister, Mrs. Gould, who now seemed 
much affected. The expression, " 0, one more," 
pierced tier heart. She sought her chamber, 
and spent much of the clay in prayer. Mrs. 

S was asked if she would be willing to 

suffer a little longer, to see her other sister 
converted. She answered, "0 yes; I think I 
shall live to see it." Earnest prayer for the 
conversion of this beloved sister employed her 
last hours. Nor did she pray in vain. 

Just before noon she said, "This is very 

much like heaven. I have a pledge that C 

will be brought in:" adding, "To-day, or to- 
night at most, I shall get home, and meet a 
mother, brother, and sister, and soon, I hope, 
all, all. 0 that I had strength to praise !" 
Her father said, " You will soon enter into an 
eternity of praise." " Yes," she replied, " I 
am almost home; do you not see it?" He 
answered, "I see you are dying." She re- 
sponded, "Glory! glory! 0 pa, be holy!" 

Toward evening her voice, sight, and hear- 
ing failed, and she was in great pain; and it 



262 



MEMOIRS OF 



was difficult to distinguish between her groans 

and her efforts to praise. For a few minutes 

her mind wandered, and her eye became wild. 

Her father repeated, 

" ' Jesus, the name that charms our fears; 
Jesus, the name high over all/ " 

It soothed her. The wandering of her mind 

ceased. He then requested her mother to sing. 

She did so. Mrs. S attempted to join, but 

only now and then a word could be understood. 

She was now grappling with the king of terrors, 

but he had lost his sting. Reviving a little, 

she said, "To-morrow is Sabbath, and I shall 

worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness." 

About eight or nine o'clock she desired the 
family to retire — said she wished to sleep ; and 
repeated to them, " Good-night, good-night." 

At eleven o'clock they were summoned to 

witness the closing scene. Mrs. G desired 

that her dying sister might be informed that 
she also had received peace in believing. When 
this was announced to Mrs. Sears, she seemed 
to summon all the enfeebled energies of her 
nature, as if to enlist them in one last effort to 
praise. Among her expressions could be dis- 
tinctly heard, " Glory, glory, glory ! Praise 
the Lord!" Her limbs had become cold and 



MRS. ANGEUNE B. SEARS. 



263 



motionless ; and she was told that she was now 
indeed dying. Again she exclaimed, and re- 
peated over and over, " Glory, glory, glory !" 
Listening attentively, she was again heard to say, 
'•'Farewell pa, farewell ma," addressing each by 
name. Bithia, her youngest sister, not recog- 
nizing her own name, was grieved, and said, 
"You have forgot me." "Xo, no," she replied, 
"all, all. Farewell all!" 

About one o'clock she was speechless; but 
her husband desired her, if she still recognized 
him, to give him a token. She instantly gave 
it. "You have often told us," said he, "that 
Jesus is precious, and now that you can no 
longer speak, if he is still precious, move your 
finger." She did so several times at intervals. 
From one to three she dozed, without much 
apparent pain, and then, with a single gasp, 
ceased to breathe. 

The following Tuesday, her remains were 
carried to the Ninth-street Methodist Episcopal 
church, where a sermon was preached by Rev. 
J. M. Trimble, presiding elder of the distiict to 
which her husband belonged. 



264 



MEMOIRS OF 



CHAPTER XVI. 

Qualifications as a minister's wife — Self-sacrifice — Love of 
itinerancy — Regard for those engaged in it — Adaptation to it — 
Prudence — Discernment of character — Example — Maternal fidel- 
ity — Domestic virtues. 

The following chapter is the substance of a 
communication from Mr. Sears, in reply to my 
request that he would sketch, at length, the 
character of Mrs. Sears, as the wife of an itin- 
erant minister. The representation is quite 
within the limits of sober truth, and not in the 
character of flattering eulogy, although pre- 
pared under the embarrassments referred to in 
the commencement: 

"Dear Sister Hamline, — Reasonable as is 
your request, I almost shrink from the under- 
taking. Strange as it may seem, I have expe- 
rienced a great reluctance in giving myself to 
this work. I fear my own partialities — I fear 
that my admiration of the character of her 
of w r hom I can never think but with feelings of 
religious complacency, deeply mingled with 
sadness, may betray some weakness, which will 
injure the cause I would promote. I would 
pen such things only as the deceased at this 
moment, looking down from heaven, w r ould ap- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 265 

prove — such as she would be willing should go 
forth to the world, not to exalt herself, but the 
power of that grace that wrought so wonder- 
fully in her heart. As Christ was uppermost 
in her affections while living and dying, so 
whatever may appear in the following sketch, 
worthy of pious approval and imitation, must 
be mentioned only in honor of that Jesus, of 
whom, with her dying lips, she discoursed so 
sweetly. 

" The first part of your request has respect 
to her character as the wife of an itinerant min- 
ister. 

"As few, compared with the many, are 
either qualified or called to be ministers of the 
Gospel, so the number of those who may make 
them suitable companions, is equally limited. 
Of these few, some might make acceptable 
wives to settled pastors, who could hardly fill 
that station in the itinerant life. Indeed, so pe- 
culiar are the responsibilities and duties incident 
to this relation, that there may be greater dan- 
ger of deficiency on the part of the wife than 
the husband. To fill that position with accept- 
ability and usefulness, requires a combination 
of natural and acquired graces. 

"In reference to her of whom you make in- 



266 



MEMOIRS OF 



quiry, I may say, in all candor, she seemed to 
me qualified for the work in which she was en- 
gaged. She was, indeed, a helpmate in the 
Gospel — a true yoke-fellow; and a conscious- 
ness of having performed all my duties in our 
common work, as faithfully as she discharged 
hers, would fill me with peculiar satisfaction. 
She did not consent to enter this field of Chris- 
tian effort without careful consideration. In 
this, as in all other matters, she acted from 
convictions of duty, founded upon an enlight- 
ened judgment. Her opportunities for forming 
correct opinions, as to the sacrifices and trials 
of the itinerancy, were abundant. Her father's 
house had been a home for the embassadors of 
Christ for many years. Nothing gave her more 
pleasure than to listen to their pious instruc- 
tions, and administer to their comfort. Not a 
few who may read these pages will remember 
the cordiality with which she greeted their 
coming, and the attention she so cheerfully be- 
stowed to render their stay agreeable. From 
them she had often heard the recital of toils and 
sacrifices, gladly endured in the cause of their 
Master. Much she learned from observation. 
For many years before her marriage, being in- 
timate in most of the preachers' families in 



MRS, ANGELINE B. SEARS. 267 

Cincinnati, and familiar with their privations, 
she had learned to sympathize with them in 
their sacrifices, and gladly administered to them 
in the hour of sickness. With some she had 
spent weeks, and thus had ample opportunity 
of knowing what was before her, when called to 
move in the same sphere. 

"It was my happiness to form her acquaint- 
ance in the autumn of 1841. Finding, like 
others, a home in her father's family, I had an 
opportunity to judge of her qualifications foi 
the work in which I was about to engage. My 
proposal of marriage she deliberately and care- 
fully considered. After several seasons of fast- 
ing and prayer, with her parents' consent, she 
agreed to be a co-worker in the Lord's vine- 
yard. That was an important era in her his- 
tory. Conscious of the responsibilities and 
duties of her new relation — not ignorant that 
hers would be a life of toil and sacrifice — she 
summoned up all her energies for the work to 
which she was so fully committed. Though 
she had entered upon it voluntarily, and under- 
standing^, yet, from her naturally retiring dis- 
position, and the constantly humble views she 
entertained of herself, there were periods of 
painful misgiving lest she might fail to carry 



268 



MEMOIRS OF 



out the holy purposes of her calling. But I 
hasten to notice some of those attributes which 
gave special prominency to her character as the 
wife of a Methodist itinerant. 

"As fundamental, she had a spirit of self- 
sacrifice. It became an essential part of her 
religion. It was imbibed as elemental in the 
morning of her Christian career. It formed a 
part of her daily discipline. Long before she 
left the paternal roof, she accustomed herself 
to a life of self-denial. For months she would 
abstain from many pleasant articles of food, 
that she might increase her contributions to 
benevolent objects. This, however, was a small 
item compared with what was before her. She 
had kind friends, whose affections were wont to 
centre upon her with peculiar fondness. Her 
every want was supplied with unsolicited hands. 
No concern for the present or anticipations for 
the future need trace an anxious line upon her 
countenance. Her associations were attractive, 
and her advantages for intellectual and moral 
improvement abundant. But when duty called, 
all these she counted loss for Christ. She left 
the home of her youth, with its comforts, and 
consecrated by the cherished memories of the 
past, to be the companion of one, who, from 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 269 

the very nature of his calling, was compelled 
to say, with the apostle, 'Until the present hoar 
I have no certain dwelling-place' She forsook 
her numerous friends, and exchanged abund- 
ance for a bare support, to find a transitory 
home among strangers, amid the vicissitudes of 
an itinerant life. To thus go forth in the face 
of certain trials and privations, required no little 
fortitude in the setting out, and patience in the 
detail. But she was undaunted in her course, 
knowing that self-denial lies at the very thresh- 
old of all vital godliness, and that 'through 
much tribulation we must enter into the king- 
dom of God.' Her feelings in this new relation 
may be gathered from an entry in her journal 
on the day of her marriage. It was made on 
the evening of our first day's journey from Cin- 
cinnati to the eastern states : 

" ' This departure is under new and untried 
circumstances, with new hopes and new pros- 
pects opening before me, with new joys filling 
the soul, and new fears, causing the heart to 
tremble. While I think of the great responsi- 
bilities that the connection I have just formed 
causes to rest upon me, I am ready to cry out, 
"Who is sufficient for these things?" 0 that I 
may be driven continually to my blessed Savior 



270 



MEMOIRS OF 



for all I want — that, through Christ strength- 
ening me, I may be able to do all my duty to 
my God, my husband, and fellow-beings P 

"Her first and last years were periods of no 
ordinary trial. But she endured all without a 
murmur — yea, with the greatest cheerfulness. 

" The last place where she shared with me the 
special trials of the itinerancy was in the valley 
of the Scioto. We found the place fixed for 
our residence was extremely unhealthy. The 
ague and fever prevailed to an unprecedented 
extent. But two or three individuals in the 
entire village had escaped. Our house was 
small, and the range of Christian associations 
very limited. Weeks passed before a single 
individual called to exhibit the expected marks 
of hospitality. In a short time Mrs. S — — was 
attacked with the bilious fever, which soon yield- 
ed to the prompt administration of medicine. I 
anticipated the probable result of a protracted 
exposure, to one naturally so delicate, in so mias- 
matic a region. I urged her to return to her fath- 
er's, till the sickly season should pass. My re- 
peated solicitations could not secure her assent. 
She would reply, ' I am your wife — the wife of 
an itinerant minister ; and do you suppose I can 
desert my post, and leave you here, subject 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 2*71 

to the very disease I would escape, without 
any kind hand to administer to your wants? 
A.s long as you stay, I will stay/ She would 
not even suffer me to give her friends a full 
account of her situation, lest her father should 
insist on her removal. 

" Second. She loved the itinerancy. She loved 
it because she believed it truly apostolical, and 
eminently adapted to carry out the demand of 
the great commission. She loved the work, not 
because it offered any hopes of a life of ease 
and pleasure ; not because she believed she had 
any special adaptation for its duties; but be- 
cause, in the providence of God, being the wife 
of an itinerant minister, she saw in it the em- 
bodiment of her heavenly Father's will; and 
henceforth it became her chief desire to do and 
suffer that will. It was with her a matter of 
religious principle, never to falter in a good 
cause, or shrink from positive duty. Hence no 
complaint ever escaped her lips in view of a 
hard appointment. She looked with abhorrence 
upon any thing like management to obtain con- 
sideration with the appointing powers, often 
remarking, that she would rather endure the 
privations and sacrifices incident to the most 
laborious circuit, than suffer the humiliating 

i 



272 



MEMOIRS OF 



reflection, that aspiring and distrustful feelings 
had induced her to become a party in a scheme 
of successful favoritism. She had great con- 
fidence in the wisdom and integrity of oui 
superintendents, and believed that all things 
would work together for good to those who 
put their trust in God. 

"She went to each new appointment with 
cheerful submission, prepared to encounter all 
unexpected trials. So great was her affection 
for this work, that all private interests and 
pleasures were made subservient to it. Though 
her social attachments were strong, yet, when 
duty called me from home, I never discovered 
the least unwillingness on her part to be left 
alone. Even when her diseased state would 
seem to require my personal attentions, she 
would say, 'Go, my husband, and labor faith- 
fully for the Lord. What is the Lord's will is 
my pleasure. Stay just as long as the nature 
of your work demands.' A brief extract from 
one of her letters will show her feelings on this 
point: 'Though I am necessarily deprived of 
much of your society, which is dearer to me 
than all the world, yet I resolved, before our 
marriage, that my claims should never conflict 
with the calls of the Gospel. Hence, any other 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



273 



absence, on your part or mine, even for the 
purpose of visiting my dearest friends, is a great 
sacrifice to me.' 

" Most faithfully did she adhere to that reso- 
lution. Though oftentimes I left her with the 
unbidden tear upon her cheek, yet it was with 
her smiles and her blessing. It would be no 
marvel if sometimes my reflections were sad, 
when contemplating her situation, as compared 
with her former situation in life, knowing her 
feeble state of health, and the sensibilities of 
her nature. That she suffered much in her 
feelings, when thus left alone, I have no doubt ; 
but no trace of sadness was discernible. A 
consciousness of being in the path of duty af- 
forded her more pleasure than the most favora- 
ble outward circumstances. When away to 
spend a few days with her friends, her heart was 
with her husband. The comforts and endear- 
ments of her youthful home were no inadequate 
compensation for the pains of separation from 
my work. Our humble cottage, in the midst 
of the active duties of our calling, was the most 
welcome place to her. Out of regard to her, in 
part, I sometimes expressed a wish to become 
a teacher in some of our institutions of learn- 
ing. Such proposals she always met with a 
18 



274 



MEMOIRS OF 



prompt negative, and generally with this reply : 
'I married you as a Methodist minister; and 
though a change of situation would afford me 
many social privileges and home comforts, yet 
I am unwilling you should ever leave the regu- 
lar work, till you are convinced your call has 
expired. Never shall it be said that I diverted 
you from the regular work.' 

" She loved the itinerancy because she highly 
esteemed all who were engaged in its duties, 
both the preachers and their families. For 
ministerial character and usefulness she indulged 
a constant solicitude. The office and duties 
were sacred in her eyes. Any thing that de- 
tracted from the dignity of this sacred profes- 
sion, or embarrassed the minister himself, was 
a source of grief. Any thing like trifling in 
common intercourse, or humorous witticisms in 
the pulpit, met her reprehension. Her advice 
was made a great blessing to me. A few 
words from a familiar letter will show her 
solicitude on this subject: 'Take good care of 
your whole self. Let us use few and well-cho- 
sen words — walk circumspectly. Be diligent in 
business, alias study, which is the best advice 
a wife no better than yours can give/ Again, 
writing to me at conference, she inquires: 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 2*75 

'What kind of a session are you having? I 
pray often, daily, that every member may be 
baptized afresh for his work, and that all may 
be engaged about it now, remembering that they 
are entertained by and associated with immortal 
souls, the purchase of that Savior's blood, 
whose Gospel they profess to have a commis- 
sion to preach, "And what of their wives?" 
say you. Well, they too, I know — I feel — 
need a constant baptism, and / more than 
they all. 9 

"'Her views of ministerial character were 
very strict. She considered the work so im- 
portant and peculiar, that it should never be 
trammeled by secular and unholy alliances. 
She looked with distrust upon the benevolent 
associations that required ministers of the Gos- 
pel to affiliate in fraternal and familiar con- 
verse with uno*odlv men. In this she held 
strictly to the doctrine of Wesley, as taught in 
his sermon on 'Coming out from the world.' 
Her sentiments were expressed freely in her 
correspondence. The following is an example : 

"'I think that the work of the ministry 
should entirely employ the preachers of the 
Gospel. Professor Upham, in his "Interior 
Life/' has a chapter on curiosity, which might 



276 



MEMOIRS OF 



profit our young men who profess to be groan- 
ing after full redemption, in these days of nov- 
elties. I want you to be a man of one work — 
that of a humble, old-fashioned preacher, 
content with the old Wesleyan paths, and 
whose energies all centre in saving souls, by 
bringing them to Christ; not in seeking after 
the popular novelties of the day. And I 
would, my dear husband, that I were worthy 
to aid you in this work. I never felt a more 
ardent desire for a consecration to and fitness 
for it. I have felt a great confidence in prayer 
for you, since you left, that your labors for the 
few ensuing years may be blessed. Indeed, 
my only place of comfort in your absence is 
that hallowed spot where last we bowed to- 
gether. There I daily commend you, our little 
son, and myself to the care of our heavenly 
Father.' 

" Third. She possessed a thorough adaptation 
to the work in which she teas engaged. She did 
not limit her intercourse to the wealthy and 
intelligent. It was her settled principle never 
to neglect the poor. If either, from circum- 
stances, must lack attention, it was her rule to 
pass by others, and find her way to the lowly 
cottage, knowing that there her visits would be 



MRS. ANGELINA B. SEARS. 



277 



appreciated, and probably be more profitable. 
With unembarrassed familiarity she would 
search out all the temporal and spiritual wants 
of its inmates. The lessons she learned while 
a manager of the Female Benevolent Society, 
afforded her much practical and useful knowl- 
edge. A little incident occurred on the before- 
mentioned journey, just after our marriage, 
which no doubt led her to bestow special 
attention on the more neglected portions of our 
people. She thus noted it: 'Found brother 
H— — awaiting our coming. Amongst much 
other good advice, he said, "Sister Sears, do 
not forget the poor; they especially will prize 
your visits:" a subject I had thought much 
of. Observation had taught me that, from 
some cause, the poor of the Church were less 
visited than those in more affluent circumstan- 
ces.' That the advice was duly heeded, may 
be seen from the fact that, in one instance, 
a censorious person made the remark, that 

Mrs. S visited the poor more than the 

rich, because they made so much of her. 

" Another important qualification was her 
prudence. And where is it more needed than 
in the practical duties of such a life ? It made 
her circumspect in all her intercourse, at home 



278 



MEMOIRS OF 



and abroad. A thoughtless expression seldom 
fell from her lips ; and many were the instances 
in which she gave me a timely caution, when, 
in the frankness of my nature, I was about to 
express myself more freely than I ought. As 
to evil speaking and idle gossip, she had a 
great aversion to them. She saw that not a 
little mischief may be caused in the Church by 
the imprudent remarks of ministers' wives. She 
knew that their * words eat, as doth a canker.' 

"She was careful that the entire labors of 
her husband should not be counteracted by the 
occasional imprudences and indiscretions of his 
wife. I must say that I have yet to learn the 
first remark she ever made, whose repetition 
would be attended with injurious results to any 
individual, or would be prejudicial to her own 
Christian character, or the cause of Christ. In 
this, it is not too much to say she was a model. 

" She possessed a discernment of character 
that often saved me from embarrassment. This 
I found to be of great utility. It was our lot 
to form new acquaintances every year. In vis- 
iting a new field of labor, the preacher and his 
family are liable to be imposed upon by un- 
worthy persons, who take that opportunity to 
secure attention, when a more intimate acquaint- 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 2*79 

ance would restrain their familiarity. It is my 
nature to speak with too much freedom to 
strangers ; and, but for her affectionate hints to 
caution me, I might have been involved in 
difficulty. 

"She was a safe counselor, which is cer- 
tainly important in a minister's wife. There 
are times in the history of every minister, when 
difficulties thicken, and dangers threaten — when 
the weak will despair, and the most courageous 
and experienced be deeply solicitous, if not 
confounded. The case may be such as to pre- 
clude consultation with his brethren. At such 
a time, how gladly does he turn to a pious and 
judicious wife, and receive from her hints which 
aid and strengthen him ! What a blessing it is 
for a husband to be befriended in such an hour ! 
I experienced both the exigency and the relief. 
Mrs. S 's judgment was generally correct. 

"All matters connected with the discipline 
of the Church, and the general interests of 
Zion, as well as the more ordinary concerns 
of life, became matters of free consultation 
between us. How many trying questions have 
been settled, while in familiar converse with 
her by the fireside ! 

"Who can set a proper estimate upon such 



280 



MEMOIRS OF 



a companion? Her worth may be felt, as I 
now feel it, when often, in need of advice, the 
desolate heart goes forth in vain for that com- 
fort and counsel which I was wont to receive. 
I will add, I scarcely ever followed her sugges- 
tions without profit ; and seldom dissented, but 
with subsequent regret. 

"She was a faithful, and, as far as her 
strength admitted, an efficient co-worker in the 
special duties of my calling. Here she experi- 
enced two hinderances. Her constitution was 
delicate, and she was seldom exempt from some 
indisposition. At times she suffered much, but 
it was in silence. Any ordinary affection could 
be known only by close observation. A hered- 
itary predisposition to pulmonary disease ren- 
dered her incapable of much exposure; this, 
attended occasionally with general debility, for- 
bade protracted physical exertion. In the 
matter of her own health, she did not seem to 
exercise her usual prudence. By the sick-bed 
of a friend, she would tax her strength with 
prodigality; but when needing attention her- 
self, she was reluctant to express her wants. 
Another hinderance was her modesty. I would 
not intimate that this is prejudicial, except 



MRS. ANGELINE B. BEARS. 



281 



where it is excessive. Over her, I have reason 
to believe, it exerted an inordinate control. She 
studiously avoided all that was assuming in 
manner; and such was her deference for age, 
that she would seldom consent to lead the de- 
votions of a female prayer meeting in the pres- 
ence of older ladies, not duly considering her 
own experience, and her relation to the Church. 
She felt a great shrinking from any thing like 
display; yet she so far overcame her diffidence 
as to render herself useful in pastoral visitation, 
in the Sabbath school, and in laboring with 
penitents at the altar. 

" During the first year of our itinerant life, 
being free from domestic care, she visited with 
me almost every family in my charge, scattered 
over a wide extent of country, which gave her 
an enduring place in the affections of that 
people. This was her general practice at each 
new appointment, whenever her health and cir- 
cumstances would permit. In it she took a 
pleasure, because she very properly considered 
it a part of her duty. 

" In the Sabbath school she rendered efficient 
service. When the school was so distant as to 
preclude her attendance, she taught a Bible class 



282 



MEMOIRS OF 



at home. In this department of the work she 
had much experience, being accustomed to its 
duties from childhood. 

"With the penitent at the altar she gladly 
labored. She needed no urging to engage her 
in this delightful work. Feeling that she was 
solemnly pledged to it, she offered her services, 
though sometimes with trembling, to point the 
sinner to the Lamb of God. Her most exten- 
sive labors in this direction were in connection 
with my first appointment ; and it is worthy of 
observation, that the last act of her public 
labors was to pray for a weeping sinner, and 
instruct her in the way to Jesus. 

"During an extensive revival in Yienna, N. 
Y., she took an active part. She not only in- 
structed the mourner, but frequently led the 
devotions in prayer. To pray in a promiscuous 
congregation, though it never conflicted with 
her views of propriety, often caused her to 
tremble under the cross. When at home, she 
would sometimes ask to be excused from such 
public performances, which I deemed for her 
good, and a profitable example to others. She 
never refused, however, in public or in private, 
to speak or pray when called upon. She had 
too much respect for the cause she had so 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



283 



ardently espoused to decline a positive, and, 
especially, a public duty. 

" I may say, lastly, on this topic, she was, in 
every respect, an example to the flock of Christ. 
Her piety was fervent and uniform. Every one 
who made her acquaintance perceived its influ- 
ence. Her conversation was such as to admin- 
ister instruction. In idle words and evil speak- 
ing she never indulged. No one could take 
license from her to become a busy-body. But 
there was one particular in which she exerted a 
very happy influence, and one where some, in a 
like relation, do harm. She was conscientious 
and exemplary in dress — a pattern of Christian 
propriety, carefully avoiding the extremes on 
either hand. A weak conscience she would 
not wound, nor fall into the extravagant customs 
of the age. 

o 

" She recommended the religion she pro- 
fessed, not only by word and action, but by 
her apparel. She scrupulously avoided every 
thing that she feared might offend. The pulpit 
was thus left untrammeled ; and any remarks I 
\ might make upon dress were never counteracted 
by the example of a wife attired in all the su- 
perfluities which I deemed it my duty to reprove 
in others. 



284 



MEMOIRS OF 



"Thus I have given you an imperfect sketch 
of her character as the wife of an itinerant 
minister. Though she often felt herself unfit 
for the work, and in secret wept over her inapti- 
tude, yet, in view of her feebleness of body 
and her retiring disposition, it may be doubted 
whether many can be found who have more 
fully met the diversified and difficult require- 
ments of her position. I leave this part of the 
subject with two remarks. I have not made 
this sketch as religious as I would have done, 
had not the matter of her personal experience 
been committed to other hands. To a person 
unacquainted with Mrs. S , some expres- 
sions used may appear extravagant, especially 
coming from one so liable to over estimate her 
character. Yet if any thing appear exaggera- 
ted, I doubt if it will be from a real disagree- 
ment with facts. 

" In answer to your second inquiry, I reply : 

Mrs. S sustained an interesting character, 

not only in the Church, but also in her domestic 
relations, as a wife, a mother, and the mistress 
of a family, 

"As a wife, she was amiable, confiding, and 
devoted, to the just limits of creature attach- 
ment. It was her constant aim to make home 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



285 



happy. Her amiableness did not consist in the 
mere absence of unlovely qualities — a kind of 
domestic karmlessness — but in attributes which 
shine out so as to constitute an engaging ex- 
pression of excellences, "whose value can be 
appreciated by him alone who has experienced 
the influence of their attraction. She loved all 
that was lovely in her family, and what lacked, 
she assiduously sought to render worthy of her 
love. She was very confiding. 

" She cast herself, with all her interests, and 
in all the glowing, sanctified impulses of her 
nature, into the sanctuary of her friends' hearts. 
No conscious or conceited superiority rendered 
her distrustful. It was her highest earthly 
happiness to have a kindred spirit, with whom 
she might freely hold converse, and to whom 
she might go for advice and consolation. Her 
sound judgment was felt, not only in the circles 
of society, but within the peaceful precincts 
of domestic life. 

"Naturally strong affection may exist with 
very limited mental cultivation, and conduce 
: much to the happiness of the family ; but how 
much more elevated and complete are its en- 
joyments when united with a gifted and well- 
disciplined mind! The evening dew may be 

h 



MKM0JR8 OF 



refreshing to the parched f-ftrth and pining 
flowers, nourishing them even amid the shades 
of night; but how much more beautiful are its 
pearly drops sparkling in the early beams of 
morning! Nothing can give a greater charm 
to the family circle,, than intelligence mingled 
with piety. Both were blended in Mrs. 8—, 
so as to afford me, in an elevated serj.se of the 
expression, 'a feast of reason and a flow of 
soul/ 

u l&ei domestic attachments were strong. 

o 

This helped her cheerfully to exchange the 
comforts tod associations of her father's home, 
for the changeful allotments of an itinerant life. 
When OllCe committed to this work, no expres- 
sion of dissatisfaction ever escaped bet lips. 

Indeed, the humblest abode that ever sheltered 
us, arid the last where we enjoyed tlx*, precious 
privileges of our own fireside, was often re- 
ferred to by her as a place where memory 
loved to linger, tod with which were connected 
some of the most delightful associations of her 
life's history. This feeling was ever mani- 
h-sted, by the spirit Of contentment the exhib- 
ited, the reluctance with wlueh she would 
separate herself for a, time from jts duties 
and pleasures, and the nreat, solicitude she 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 287 



manifested when absent to return. A separation 
from her own family was attended with a degree 
of regret, which often caused her to say, 'I 
think this is the last time I will ever leave home 
without you.' I might dwell on this theme ; 
for with it are associated the cherished mem- 
ories of a heart that has experienced the 
priceless value of the most endearing private 
relations. 

" Her maternal example gave evidence of that 
same discretion and fidelity which marked her 
duties in other relations. Her views of family 
government were Scriptural. Though her af- 
fection for our only child was ardent, yet it 
seldom gained an undue ascendency over her 
judgment. 

"In domestic government the conflict was 
often severe, and painful even to tears ; yet, 
true love so prevailed, that timely correction 
was, I think, never withheld. This she believed 

I was necessary when her child was of tender 
age, convinced that no indulgence should be 
given to the vicious propensities of children. 
She had no fellowship with that blind maternal 

, devotion, which allows the child to go uncor- 
rected until indiscreet indulgence nourishes 

! vicious habits, which no after discipline can 



288 



MEMOIRS OF 



eradicate, attended with the weak excuse that 
the child is too young to be chastised. 

" Well do I remember her first trial with her 
little son, when but a few months old. Strong 
was the conflict between affection and her sense 
of duty. Intense solicitude marked her features, 
which ere long manifested itself in tears. Con- 
fident that here was an adjustment of moral 
destiny solemn beyond description, and that 
this one issue might exert an all-controlling 
influence upon the future character of her child, 
she persevered till her aim was consummated 
in the subjection of his will. That effort, 
though painfully protracted, saved her in after 
days many hours of unpleasant solicitude. 

" Another instance of affectionate regard and 
true maternal solicitude, was exhibited in the 
provision she made for the education of her 
little son. I gave to Mrs. S all my per- 
quisites. These she appropriated in paying for 
a scholarship in the Ohio Wesleyan University. 
Had she lived another year, the last payment 
would have been made, and five years' tuition 
secured ; or twenty-five years, according to the 
new basis of scholarships. 

" It now remains only that I speak of her as 
the mistress of a family. I thought her a 



MRS. ANGELINE B. SEARS. 



289 



worthy example of the Christian housewife. 
Four things were noticeable in her domestic 
habits ; namely, neatness, industry, economy, and 
fidelity. That motto of Mr. Wesley was often 
upon her lips, ' Cleanliness is next to godliness.' 
Her house conformed to her personal ap- 
pearance. A limited acquaintance would as- 
sure even a stranger that she ' looked well to 
the ways of her household.' 'A place for 
every thing, and every thing in its place/ made 
our humble cottage a pleasant abode. 

"To see a lady dressed in bad taste, her 
house devoid of order, and especially to find 
a parsonage disfigured and injured by mis- 
chievous children, filled her with regret; and 
the more so, because she considered that a 
minister's wife should be an example in all 
things, and, as Mr. Wesley says, f a pattern of 
cleanliness.' In answer to a complaint that 
'the preachers' wives spoil our houses,' this 
great man replied, ' Let none that have spoiled 
one ever have another;' a prohibition that 
would have been harmless in her case. Her 
table, to be sure, was never loaded with luxu- 
ries ; yet the simple necessaries of life were so 
prepared and served up, as to answer, every 

end of domestic comfort. 

19 



290 



MEMOIRS OF 



"She was industrious. Time never hung 
heavily upon her hands. Deeply impressed 
with the brevity of human life, and its respon- 
sible duties, each moment was filled up with 
some useful employment. She carefully divi- 
ded her hours to various occupations, not 
spending time in study that ought to be yielded 
to her family; nor, on the other hand, so 
'cumbered with much serving' as to neglect 
her mind and the various means of grace. 

" She was a keeper at home, prepared to do 
all its duties, yet ready and willing when called 
to mingle with the people. She was far from 
despising labor. Though always embarrassed 
with poor health, yet, when circumstances re- 
quired, with her own hands she administered 
to the wants of her family. The duties of the 
kitchen were never left undone for the want of 
help, nor were garments made by other hands 
which she could make herself, unless it might 
be to furnish employment for the truly desti- 
tute. Though she had not been a stranger to 
those circles where labor is carefully avoided, 
and much time is trifled away in vain pursuits, 
she was not afflicted with that refinement which 
turns pale at the bare dread of manual exer- 
tion, and is shocked with the idea of descending 



MRS. AXGELIXE B. SEARS. 291 

to the vulgar offices of domestic life. She was 
convinced that industry was but another word 
for being 'diligent in business' and 'redeeming 
the time.' 

She was economical, and could make a little 
go a great way. She studied this, not only as 
an art, but as a duty and a real accomplish- 
ment. There was nothing in her, however, 
like parsimony, No necessary of life was cov- 
etously dispensed with. It was a settled policy 
to meet real wants with as small an expendi- 
ture as possible — not to lay up treasure on 
earth, but that her husband might not be em- 
barrassed with debt, and, if possible, to have 
something at the end of the year for the 
benevolent enterprises of the day. How well 
she succeeded in these things, her yearly con- 
tributions to the Bible and missionary causes 
will declare. She adhered closely to the Scrip- 
ture precept, 'Owe no man any thing,' often 
saying, 'I would sooner live upon the bare 
necessaries of life, than leave an appointment 
in debt.' 

"Though our 'allowance' was often very 
small, yet, by her prudent management, our 
liabilities were met, and we enjoyed the com- 
forts of life and the pleasures of benevolence 



292 



MEMOIRS OF 



in some degree. She studied to 1 get all she 
could, save all she could, and give all she could.' 
Religion made her feel that she was a steward, 
and should be faithful in little as well as in much. 

" She was faithful in all her domestic rela- 
tions. The heart of her husband could safely 
trust in her. When absent, he had no solicitude 
in reference to the issue of matters at home, 
having the most implicit confidence in her su- 
perintendence. When alone, the regular hours 
of devotion were observed. Though her irre- 
ligious friends were present, she never shrunk 
from the cross of family prayer, heavy as it was. 

" She was punctual in discharging the obliga- 
tions of friendship. No heart was ever more 
alive to its claims. She never made an intimate 
acquaintance but she secured a friend ; and that 
friend, once secured, was never alienated. She 
was herself a true, a tried friend. Her promises 
were inviolable. Matters of a secret character 
committed to her confidence she never divulged. 
If made known to her family, it was through 
other channels, which served to heighten their 
admiration of her discretion and fidelity. 

"But I have already made these observa- 
tions too lengthy. I will close by saying: I 
would have every thing good and praiseworthy 



MRS. ANGELIXE B. SEARS. 293 

in her character set down to the credit of the 
grace of God. Let it be mentioned only in 
honor of her Savior; for few were ever more 
sensible than she was of utter un worthiness ; 
and none, I think, could adopt, with more sin- 
cere humility, the sentiment of the poet, 
' Our good is all divine/ 
"Most affectionately, yours, 

"Clinton W. Sears." 
I repeat, that this sketch is quite within the 
limits of sober truth. Nay, more might be 
said in presenting the sum of those excellences 
and graces which rendered our departed friend 
exceedingly lovely in life and in death. But 
let us look beyond those feeble reflections of 
the Divine glory which rendered one of God's 
sanctified children comely in our eyes, to the 
source whence she received those graces, and 
strive, as she did, for all the mind that was in 
Christ. Do we not see that in these memoirs 
we have a powerful vindication of the truth of 
Christianity? Is not religion arrayed before 
us by the life and death here sketched, in a 
form which moves the heart greatly to covet 
it? As its benefits are here illustrated, do we 
see nothing in it desirable for youth, for woman- 
hood, for life, for sickness, for death? 



294 



MEMOIRS OF 



May the writer and the reader be versed in 
this religion as an experimental verity, and not 
merely as a doctrinal speculation ! Like her, of 
whom we read and write, may we consecrate 
all to God ! Like her, too, may we believe — 
66 trust!" And like her — 0, grant it, thou God 
of infinite mercy ! — may we be able to exclaim, 
in the hour of our dissolution, " The name of 
J esus is enough for me " — "the name of Jesus 
is worth a universe!" 



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